Jen Oliver, Author of "The Love FitMama Way: Transforming The Core of Motherhood"
[0:10]Hi, this is Vivi Owens from Moms Don't Have Time to Be Books, the podcast for busy people
[0:15]who don't have as much time as they would like to read. I have conversations with writers of
[0:20]all types to help you save time. Today's episode of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books is
[0:25]sponsored by Bobo Botanicals, BABO Botanicals, Organic Solutions for Sun, Skin, and Hair for the
[0:34]Whole Family. So I'm here today with Jen Oliver. Jen and I are going to be trying something new
[0:41]today and we're going to be interviewing each other for this podcast. Her for my Moms Don't Have
[0:47]Time to Read Books podcast and I'll be on her Fit Mama podcast. So let me introduce her quickly.
[0:56]Jen Oliver is the founder and CEO of Fit Mama, which is a movement empowering women to love
[1:01]their bodies and their lives while focusing on pre- and post-natal core strengthening.
[1:06]She's the author of the book The Love Fit Mama Way, Transforming the Core of Motherhood.
[1:11]With a Master's in Exercise and Health Psychology from McMaster and Canada,
[1:14]this Fit Mama trains, coaches and speaks all over Canada. She's also trained in Reiki, the Healing Art,
[1:20]which is amazing. And excels in personal training, fitness and structure, nutrition coaching,
[1:26]and mindfulness. When I wrote these questions, I was wondering, should I not tell her I'm
[1:30]eating dark chocolate covered caramels while I'm running up her bio? Anyway, she lives with
[1:34]her daughters and has been in Ontario, Canada. So I'll turn it to Jen. Thank you, Zippy. I'm so
[1:42]excited to be here with you. Absolutely honored to be on your podcast. And so excited to have you
[1:48]on the Fit Mama podcast. Thank you, Zippy. Yeah, thank you. Zippy is out of New York City and I
[1:56]love your name, Zippy. And I absolutely love the name of your podcast. This popular podcast
[2:03]Zippy has. It is called Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. And I actually heard Zippy on a radio
[2:09]show on Sirius XF satellite radio. And she, I just loved her topics. I loved what she was talking
[2:17]about. I loved her zest for life and her desire to help spread books and articles and all the
[2:24]really great topics that are out there to moms who simply just don't have time to read books. So I
[2:31]think that is brilliant. Zippy has been featured in so many magazines and Britain and author books with
[2:37]others. Zippy, I'm just so grateful for you and so glad that you're here with me. You live in Manhattan
[2:45]and you have four children, which we will touch on in today's podcast. So thanks for being here.
[2:50]Thank you. And thanks again for reaching out after you heard me on the radio. It's Joe
[2:53]that was just the greatest thing. It was so cool. And you know, that's what I love about our world today.
[2:59]It was as much as me looking you up, finding you online, going, I love this one. The more I find
[3:06]her step. And the more I look, I was like, oh, I just have to reach out. I just have to have
[3:10]her as a guest. I just have to meet her. So I'm glad I worked out. So sweet. Yeah. Yeah. And I loved
[3:17]your book. And thanks for sending me a copy. The love fit mom away is really awesome. I give
[3:23]such great hands-on advice. In the beginning of your book, you tell readers that you wrote it
[3:29]to fill a need on both a small and large scale. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?
[3:35]Yes. You know, my own personal journey was in fitness and health, as you mentioned. And I was
[3:41]a fitness trainer. I was a personal trainer. I was working with a lot of women who had babies and
[3:46]were pregnant. Then I went through pregnancy and having my own babies. And the fitness journey
[3:52]seemed very linear. It seemed very much for me. Like, okay, now I'm fit. I work out your own
[3:58]pregnancy. I safe fit. Keep working it out after and keep going. But unfortunately, that did not
[4:04]happen to me. And I realized after I injured my back because of the week and dysfunctional deep
[4:10]inner core, that if I did this as a trainer, I finished expert. You know, who else out there
[4:16]was getting misinformation or didn't know what was really happening in a deep inner core. So
[4:22]the more I started talking about my back injury, the more I started talking about the core and
[4:27]other deep core injuries or dissonions, things like what very commonly is associated with being
[4:34]a mom is I pee my pants or I leak or I jump on the chair and believe my kids and I can't, you
[4:39]know, control it. And, you know, that is so common that it's considered now a part of it. But
[4:44]it truly isn't a part of it. So I really realized that there was a place for educating about
[4:51]pelvic health, educating about the deep inner core, educating about things like diabetes,
[4:55]disease, recti or prolapse, which are, you know, dysfunctions of the deep inner core that's
[5:01]seeing really, really, really scary. If you've never heard of them, all of a sudden,
[5:04]you're debilitated by them. But there are ways to prevent these things and a little knowledge
[5:09]goes a long way. So the number one thing I get is, you know, where were you when I was having
[5:16]kids or I was showing you about you then? And, you know, unfortunately, I was showing you about
[5:21]me then too. So I had to get this book out there and really, really I'm passionate about helping
[5:26]others not to go through the hardships or at least get themselves out of it without feeling
[5:31]like their life is over. So I am 11 years, so as far as I'm? No, I'm kidding. I'm also, you know,
[5:39]almost four years, postpartum. But for people like me who are not recent moms, is there any hope
[5:44]for my core or other moms like me? Like, doesn't having diastasis, which is basically when your
[5:50]abs sort of separate deep down, which happened when I had twins, I mean, isn't, can't I just
[5:54]sort of write the core off and be like, well, I have other strengths, but it's not going to be in
[5:58]my core. I love this. And yeah, what I mean, the key thing to know is that once you're postpartum,
[6:06]you're always postpartum. So yeah, you were postpartum 11 years ago and you're still postpartum now.
[6:11]And it is absolutely never too late. I have two clients and one of them, I just finished working
[6:19]with everybody here in a bit, is she's 76 years old. And her son is somewhere in his 50s.
[6:25]And absolutely is never too late. So no, but the first thing, you know, I can bring you in here,
[6:31]because I'm really curious too about your lifestyle habits, you know, you have four children,
[6:36]you live a busy lifestyle that includes you traveling around, going to different things,
[6:41]doing interviews, interviewing people, coordinating, editing, writing your blog, and all that. So,
[6:47]you know, for someone like you, you really are an ideal client, because I'm going to help people
[6:54]who are busy, busy, busy, and don't think they have time for their core. Or they've kind of put
[6:59]it on the back burner, going, you know what, it's not really that important. Surely,
[7:03]whatever, it's no big deal, right? Or a back pain. Or I had to say, since I just didn't know what
[7:08]to do at the time, you know, that's okay. And my question for you is, what is it that you're doing
[7:16]right now? So, talk to me about your, now your youngest is about four, you said. So,
[7:21]what have you done in the last four years? What did you do for your core then? Talk to me about
[7:25]that, let's investigate. Let's investigate my core. What did I do? Well, this one take long. I
[7:33]have not done very much. I mean, I go on the electrical machine. I do some regular workouts. I
[7:41]used to do a little spinning. I do this class called Dance Body, which actually was pretty helpful
[7:48]for my ab muscles, because I have all the sort of twisting and turning. But in terms of, you know,
[7:56]really getting into it, I have not done all that much, I have to say.
[8:00]And have you ever heard of core rehabilitation? Yes, because after I had my twins,
[8:09]you know, over a decade ago, I thought maybe there would be hope for me. And at the time,
[8:13]I saw a trainer who specialized in, you know, fixing diastasis or trying to get me back together,
[8:20]but I kind of gave up on that after about six months. And I never went back.
[8:26]Okay, so tell me about that. Why did you do that? Because I'm curious. It's very popular
[8:32]to give up after a while. So, I'm curious what was your sort of point, tipping point there where
[8:36]you decided it wasn't going to happen anymore? I mean, there's only so much time I can dedicate
[8:40]to like one part of my body. I mean, I'm not a trainer. I'm not an actress. Like, I don't really
[8:47]care. I mean, I know that I don't really care. And I look like I like to look, you know,
[8:52]I mean, put together. But of course. I mean, as you said, you know, I have four kids. I started
[8:59]with twins and finding, you know, what you'd call me time for me as I'm sure for other
[9:04]listeners. It's not so easy. So I kind of put like dealing with my core in the bucket of like,
[9:10]oh, that would be nice if I had all the time in the world. But for now, I'm just going to,
[9:14]you know, you know, have some lower back pain and not have such strong, strong abs.
[9:21]Yeah. Okay. Great. Now that's really insightful. And I think that can really have the listeners
[9:25]to have an understanding of, you know, yes, absolutely. It does seem like it's a lot of effort
[9:30]to put into one area. And this is where the core rehabilitation movement has really taken
[9:36]off. Now what I teach is to get people who haven't had a baby, everyone ideally to book in
[9:44]with pelvic floor physiotherapist. Have you ever heard of one? Yes. Yes. So have you gone to one? No.
[9:52]Okay. So that, you know, the reason why I really recommend pelvic floor physiotherapy, pelvic floor
[9:59]is the bottom.
[10:00]your core. It's actually part of the D-core and it houses your three holes. So you're
[10:04]your re-thought, vagina and anus. And so understanding how the pelvic floor works is one of
[10:10]the things that I educated about. I talked about it in the book. Yes, but I also have videos
[10:14]which really help because anatomically people can't figure out how does that D-core work? What
[10:19]does it really look like? So I shared some slides and some things in the video that really
[10:23]help you understand the anatomy because deep air core really is the foundation of your whole
[10:29]body. And there's not really a set protocol of exercising that you have to have to do.
[10:37]But it's really about understanding how the core actually works and that the first thing and
[10:43]really only important thing to know is that it's all connected to your breathing and how you
[10:51]breathe and how you inhale, exhale, how you move when you're picking up ions. And this is why
[10:59]it's so important around the new mom area. And for you, it's so important, you know, four or five
[11:04]even ten years later. But it's really important because new moms are lifting, right? They're lifting
[11:09]the baby in that bucket seat thing or lifting or other toddlers. They're lifting lifting. And
[11:13]when we lift, we have a tendency to burn down and push the pelvic floor downwards, which can lead
[11:20]to a lot of core dysfunction. So the core rehab that I recommend and that I really have people
[11:25]going to see a physio and get a plan for them is because it helps relieve a lot of the downward
[11:32]pressure on the pelvic floor. And that's where really when it comes to quality of life, if you're
[11:38]talking about, you know, quality of life, I have sex after baby or whether it's 20 years later
[11:44]or 70 years later, you're going to do the nursing home because of the contents or whatever issues.
[11:49]You know, somewhere along the line, if we don't take time and do what I call heal your seal,
[11:56]it really does come creeping back in a negative way. And it's not about doing, you know,
[12:02]core sit-ups and doing all these kinds of crutches all day long. It's actually the opposite of that.
[12:08]It's really about slowing down a little calming the nervous system through breathing and sort of
[12:14]rebuilding this foundation. If you can imagine, you know, your house and you have this beautiful
[12:20]house and then you grow babies in your foundation, which is your body. And it's like having,
[12:27]you know, a flood or some kind of catastrophe in the basement of your house. You need to kind of
[12:31]fix it before you build a new addition on top. Right? Yep. So it's never too late. And for you,
[12:40]someone who is, you know, doing four kids of a morning and running all around and doing all
[12:45]the things that you do, you know, when it comes to your fitness or when it comes to focusing on
[12:51]your core, you can realize and, you know, rest easy knowing that it's as simple as possibly sitting
[12:58]on your mat or lying on a yoga mat and doing a few breathing exercises that yes, you might engage
[13:06]different limbs and your arms are likely to move. But it's not about aggression. It's not about
[13:12]crunches and pushing. And it's really the opposite of lifting and feeling light and and racking.
[13:19]And it's just, it's a really good feeling. And when you work on the core in a really loving way,
[13:25]which is from the inside out, it really just feels like like you're giving yourself a big hug.
[13:32]And then you're there to support yourself while you walk into your day, while you go through
[13:36]your day, lifting your kids or bending or doing this, that it just gives you that extra boost
[13:41]of strength and grounding in the core of your body. And because you breathe and taking some time,
[13:48]even in this five minutes, you feel different and you feel an energy that you take into your
[13:54]day that is sometimes much more effective than pushing yourself through some sprinting workout
[13:59]that you feel depleted and exhausted and you don't want to do it again.
[14:03]Okay. I have done that. I know all this mindfulness said breathe yoga. I know that I know it. I
[14:14]read about it all the time. I get how important it is. But when it comes down to like, you know,
[14:20]the first kid gets me at bed of the morning and then I'm going going, going, finding time,
[14:25]to not just say I'm so busy every second. Obviously, I have, you know, the kids go to school
[14:29]and everything. And I could make the time for these things. But yeah, I don't know. I love your
[14:35]passion about this. And I am going to, I really am. I buy it. I think you're totally right.
[14:43]I want to listen to you. And I'm really going to try.
[14:46]Yeah, awesome. What you know, I do have one of my podcasts episodes called Don't Try.
[14:52]Because we really said, you know, the old yoga quote, do or do not. But I mean,
[14:58]the thing is is that, and this is what I, you know, I even teach sometimes with my kids, it's like,
[15:03]if you're trying, you're not doing. And it's not about you have to do this or I have to,
[15:08]you know, I'm trying to convince you, this is the way. But like you said, the literature
[15:12]shows that there is a lot of positive benefit from things like mindfulness and mindfulness sounds
[15:20]like, you know, all hippie dippy. But at the end of the day, all it is is really awareness,
[15:25]it's awareness and just being more aware through your day. So I know for me, you know,
[15:31]I notice the difference when I don't take any time for my day and kind of stop and take stock.
[15:35]And you may probably be doing this, Debbie, which is why you are, you know, thriving woman.
[15:40]And an amazing mom and doing all the things that you do is that you probably have built these
[15:44]in a way that really feels good to you. And this is where I love to change the conversation
[15:49]from things like fitness and exercise to movement and getting out in nature and absorbing,
[15:57]you know, not only fresh air and the trees and all the, the real love that nature has to offer us
[16:03]because it really does change our state of being. That's really what I have found that I help fit
[16:10]mama's most with is this change of state because we go through our day and we're always in this
[16:15]reactive mode. Like you said, it's like, the kids get me out, but I don't go go. And, you know,
[16:20]I'm really, really encourage you to just be a bit proactive and you're not you necessarily.
[16:26]But in general, being proactive and saying, you know, I'm just going to say, I get that the
[16:31]research is out there that taking five minutes a day to breathe and connect with my core and feel
[16:36]my pelvic floor and calm my nervous system. You know, I know technically these are really good for
[16:42]I'm just going to try it out, you know, and do it three times this week or whatever. And the key
[16:46]thing really goes from having this in your mind as, oh yeah, that sounds like something interesting
[16:52]to do. Maybe I'll try it to actually putting it into your schedule on, you know, in your
[16:59]iPhone so that it dings and then it goes, hey, you know, take five minutes now and even if now is
[17:04]not a good time, you snooze it and you go, okay, I'm going to just finish out this and I'm going to
[17:08]walk myself in oftentimes for moms. It's the bathroom, right? And I'm always doing my PSA
[17:13]for pelvic floor. Say, please don't sit on the toilet and look at your phone unless the lid of
[17:20]the toilet is closed because your pelvic floor is holding up all your organs and there's a lot of
[17:25]pressure downwards all the time. So don't do that, but do take time. And, you know, for me, I found
[17:31]a lot of my clients benefit from this is finding a space where nobody interrupts you. You know,
[17:38]I took closet that I sort of instead of had storage stuff in there. I took it out. I glorified
[17:44]the closet by putting my kids art up there. I had a Himalayan salt rock lamp. I had a diffuser.
[17:49]I had my yoga mat and my meditation cushion. And I just made this sort of little closet that I
[17:54]could tuck myself into and be away. It feels so good. And it didn't take a lot of time. It just
[18:02]takes a little bit of planning and saying, hey, this happens every day at two o'clock when I
[18:07]want old downstairs and grab an ice cream cone to get through the day until I pick up the kids
[18:12]or, you know, whatever those comfort things are, we want to change our state. That's really
[18:17]what we want. And that's one of the things exercise as well is it gets us exercising and moving,
[18:22]blood pumping and, you know, we look at things differently. And there are many ways to achieve this.
[18:27]And sometimes you don't have the opportunity to go running or do whatever, go to a class,
[18:32]but we can sort of sit or stand or walk and just be more present. And sometimes insights come to
[18:39]us. And it doesn't have to do with the body, but it has to do with the way we look at our body,
[18:44]right? Maybe it was really important how much the number on the scale was. But after you take
[18:50]more time and sort of follow the luck that my way, where you're starting with self-care,
[18:55]instead of yelling at yourself to do things, it really ends up becoming something that you're
[19:00]inspired and motivated to continue. Yeah, I don't lock myself in the closet. I lock myself in the
[19:05]fridge. I don't really. I don't really. I just feel like the time that you're talking about
[19:13]the few minutes here and there without interruption. I am typically like staring into the pantry
[19:19]getting a snack, which I know that I know you do a lot of nutrition, consulting, as well,
[19:24]or you had done that in the past lot. I know it's all linked with the whole self-care and
[19:29]taking the whole fit mom away. In fact, I love that you said in the book. There is no cheating,
[19:35]just choosing, which I think applies to a lot of things. I love that quote. So did you coin that quote
[19:42]or do you take it from somebody else? I did. I made that up. Yeah. Well, you know what,
[19:48]that's one of the things I heard the most often from people was, you know, I'm cheating on my
[19:52]diet. I shouldn't have this or I'm being good today. I'm going to have this. And, you know,
[19:57]I really started to realize this associate.
[20:00]We're going to be very powerful and I am very powerful and I am cheating is
[20:06]It's just such a negative. Imagine, you know, you know, we know what cheating is whether they're cheating out of game
[20:11]What you're not a spouse or cheating on you know, that's a very very negative
[20:14]And when we're having these conversations in our head that
[20:18]Consures that these very negative things whether we're aware of it or not
[20:22]You know, it keeps us really feeling stuck and yes
[20:25]You know, as you mentioned, I did do a lot of nutrition coaching in the past that it's very much
[20:31]In the way that I do it now
[20:33]It which it's sometimes frustrating people and I'm sure you can understand this, you know
[20:37]A lot of people are very detailed oriented and they want things to be told to them
[20:42]So just tell me what to eat tell me what to do tell me what to do and tell me how much and I'll follow the plan and
[20:48]You know science and I'm big on research and science
[20:51]It's the science shows that that's actually not long-term sustainable and what do we use these words and these things
[20:59]The gates does ourselves we really just undermine ourselves we lose trust in ourselves
[21:04]We say, you know, I'm gonna be this I'm gonna do this and then we don't do it because well
[21:09]We're out we're having fun or we're enjoying it and we want to enjoy and then we all of a sudden
[21:13]Associate eating with a negative, you know, really negative towards our self like cheating on your spouse like it's like
[21:20]It's just such a mixed message to your subconscious and it really undermines
[21:24]So I talk a lot about trusting your gut and your intuition and for you
[21:28]You know when you're standing in the pantry and you're going, you know, oh my god
[21:32]I need to break from work or I have this one more deadline or I have this thing to do before I pick up the kids
[21:36]You know in that state of mind you're
[21:40]Likely to very much go with your emotions in that moment
[21:44]So you might say like oh, I just need to pick me up
[21:46]I'm gonna grab this candy because it's a sugar hit or you know
[21:49]I really I want to bring myself down and not so I'm gonna have this calming tea or you know
[21:54]We're very emotionally based and if you give yourself
[21:57]No wiggle room and you're like we're right now
[22:00]I'm have to have my apple and my almonds and you know, but I don't want apple and almonds
[22:04]I had that yes and I'm bored of it or I'm sick of it
[22:07]It just it mixes all up in our heads and I think that's where you know, we can really start to transform
[22:13]What I call transforming the core of motherhood is really about transforming ourselves first and this conversation
[22:20]That we have and for you, you know, while you're sitting at your desk and you're going okay
[22:25]I want to grab a snack or I'm gonna have some lunch and I only have 20 minutes and I got a rush back to the desk or whatever
[22:31]Having a minute and breathing and creating a little awareness around that moment to say you know
[22:36]Okay, I'm not on a diet because diets don't work, you know
[22:40]I have another on my clothes diets don't work love does it's you know
[22:43]I'm not on a diet. I'm not gonna cheat on myself
[22:45]But what what's really gonna give me the feelings I want, you know is am I using this food and you know
[22:52]I always say that same thing
[22:53]There's no cheating. There's just choosing
[22:56]But there's also choosing and not using and so often we use food to change our state to give us this pleasure
[23:04]And it's not that food isn't a pleasure inducing
[23:07]It's but are you choosing it because you want it because you want to enjoy it because that's you know
[23:12]What you desire or because you just want to stuff the feelings down you don't want to face what's happening or you know
[23:19]It's really about
[23:20]Investigating these things and unfortunately we want the quick fix or we want the person to tell us
[23:26]Hey, just do this and and you know, that's not me anymore once upon a time
[23:30]I was that and eat it ten o'clock and then eat it noon and then do this and did it that and in the long term as
[23:35]I had my business for longer and saw that
[23:38]Truly this wasn't serving clients and I needed to give them their power back
[23:44]I'm with you. I feel like when I was younger
[23:46]I liked that structure
[23:47]I wanted someone to tell me what to do and
[23:49]I actually even used to work for Weight Watchers for a little while I used to be like a meeting leader and a and a private
[23:56]Everything but when I was younger. I was like great. I'll eat these seven almonds and that's my snack and whatever
[24:02]And yeah, I don't know if it's the fact that I'm like in my 40s now or whatever, but I'm like no
[24:08]I do not want any more people telling me what to do. Thank you very much
[24:12]Exactly exactly and that's the big thing and I think you know you really
[24:17]You know, that's a huge realization to come to and some people
[24:21]Real I worked with people in their 60s 70s and I honestly my 76 year old plan
[24:26]Wanted a meal plan wanted me to tell her what to eat and this was an older Italian woman who cooked beautifully for her husband
[24:34]And she didn't want to eat these things or she had this guilt associated
[24:38]She had these words that she was using that kept her in this spiral and you know
[24:44]It's one of the things I bring up in my TEDx talk that I did which is how to love yourself to the core and
[24:50]You know, I brought up a story in that which was my mom my own mother who I looked to as this beautiful goddess that
[24:57]She was to me and you know when I'd complement her when I'd give her something or want to take a picture with her
[25:03]It was very much a slap in the face. I felt I got when she was like, oh, I'm fat. Oh, I can't eat that. Oh, I'm not that's not on my diet
[25:10]Literally made my stomach churn and made me wonder
[25:14]You know, am I wrong? Am I wrong for loving her? Do I what do I see? What does she see?
[25:19]You know, and it's sent me on a you know on a mission of my life to help people really
[25:24]See things differently and especially most especially see themselves differently
[25:29]And I think what you've established established at this point is that you don't see yourself as
[25:35]Only worthy if your body looks like this
[25:38]So if you want to eat 10 alumnus and not seven go to because that's what you're you know
[25:42]You're feeling and you don't you don't want to be told and it's impressive that you've realized that
[25:48]But often we don't realize that we have that you know our own worst enemy that person tripping in our ear
[25:54]You shouldn't you couldn't you don't do that. You're bad. You're lazy or fat
[25:59]Over and over in our heads
[26:00]And I think that's the conversation that I really have started to open up with the love fit mom away because a new mom
[26:07]With a newborn baby wasn't slept telling herself
[26:10]She's fat and has to go to the gym and looks bad and doesn't want her partner to touch her or anything
[26:15]You know it just sets up a whole cascade of stuff that will
[26:19]Honestly, whether it's in the short term a long term really enrolled your life
[26:24]I remember I remember actually bringing my twins and I look back on myself and I'm like how did I do that?
[26:29]But I brought my twins to the way watchers meeting where they were like six months old and I like stood in the bag
[26:34]I know it's like now I'm like I can't even believe my ways to my time that's feeding of
[26:39]You know how you felt about your mother you know talking badly so remember so
[26:43]Do you have advice for moms who want to raise their own kids with with a love and respect for their bodies and none of that
[26:50]Same self-shame that you know the media or society or even like the women from an older generation may have instilled in us
[26:56]Yes, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this too. How do you have daughter son's how many I have to two daughters and two sons
[27:04]Two of you took I'd love to hear yours on this because absolutely that's at the forefront of my mind in the work that I do
[27:11]Because I'm constantly you know, I'm seeing kids and and and then they watched their parents
[27:16]They look up to their moms like nothing else and I'm so often see moms just it's it's the little comments
[27:23]And I really want to bring awareness of the little things because yeah
[27:27]We save them in our heads and I want you to become aware of that
[27:29]But what are the little things you're saying are loud around your kids?
[27:33]Using those words like oh, I shouldn't have that cake. Oh, I'm you know, I'm losing weight
[27:38]I don't want to do that. Oh when I fit into that next week. Oh what you know
[27:42]It's this future casting of it will get better
[27:45]This is not good enough now and that's another one of the things I always say is when you love the body you have
[27:53]You have a body you love and it says quick is just deciding you're gonna love what you have and
[28:00]It's going to be the thing that you choose to take care of because you don't want to take care of something you hate
[28:06]You don't want to try and take care of anything or even put your efforts towards something
[28:12]When you have this disdain for it and you're looking in the mirror and you're nitpicking and saying my thighs or my cellulite or my belly roll or my stretch mark
[28:20]That does not bring you to a place in your energy where you go
[28:23]I want to take care of myself and get outside in the nature of run and you know join a class or join a community
[28:29]That leaves you constricted
[28:32]feeling horrible about yourself and and just closing in on yourself
[28:36]So realize the words you use to yourself and at loud are very powerful
[28:40]So not saying those things like I should or I won't or I have to do this
[28:45]You know not calling out your own body because at the end of the day
[28:49]Your kids look at you and they are looking at themselves when you make those comments about yourself
[28:54]Even if you don't make any comments ever about them. Yep. I totally agree with that
[28:59]I like that's what all the articles have said and I've been so conscious since they were born to
[29:06]Not not ever, you know
[29:08]Peace itself critical in front of the mirror and dressing room. I just I just don't do that around them. So
[29:14]I mean, I know I'm obviously not perfect, but I try I try real hard not to
[29:21]Not to let any of that in
[29:23]Yes, and you know what there is no perfect and I think that's a big piece is that work conditions
[29:29]And I know me I mean I talk about this in the book is sort of warrior mentality
[29:33]This type a woman who wants to be super mom and wants to look a certain way and have it all together and you know
[29:39]It's it's a tall order for anyone and when we don't lead room for loving the imperfections and realizing that there is no
[29:48]Perfect and we can strive and strive and yell at our kids so the cows come home
[29:52]But there is no perfect and when we can let that go
[29:56]The weight that that lifts off your shoulders makes you feel
[30:00]We would totally.
[30:01]I actually wrote an article last fall, I think it was last fall
[30:06]for, that today's show has a mom's channel.
[30:10]And basically today, today mom.
[30:12]So I wrote an article called, Hey mom's Let's Lose Weight
[30:14]Later, because what I was trying to do
[30:17]is just take the pressure off.
[30:18]Not to say, let's all sit around and bonbons all day or whatever,
[30:24]but I just didn't play.
[30:25]Let's stop stressing ourselves out so much
[30:29]during such a short period of time in our lives, right?
[30:31]Like, this is the most intense period of where we need
[30:35]to give our full selves to our kids and include especially
[30:38]right after childbirth.
[30:39]It's like such a huge shift.
[30:41]And I just feel like, I wrote this piece
[30:44]because I just wanted to say, like, you know what?
[30:46]Take the pressure off.
[30:47]There's time to do that.
[30:48]You'll have tons of time to lose weight later.
[30:51]But for the moment, it's OK.
[30:53]I could not agree more.
[30:54]So anyway.
[30:56]Yes.
[30:56]You know, I love that you did that.
[30:57]And that is, it's one of those things where
[31:00]that call to women to say, hey, let's change this apparent
[31:05]norm where we aren't given at any time
[31:07]to rest, recuperate, rehab, take care of ourselves.
[31:10]And we're back out there trying to look like J-Lo.
[31:13]You know, let's change this conversation.
[31:16]And that is huge because, you know, just like you said,
[31:19]not to say we're going to go eat bonbons,
[31:21]well, I think that's really important to kind of say
[31:24]is, you know, we don't even need to say,
[31:27]we're not going to go eat bonbons,
[31:28]because we're not going to do that.
[31:29]Like the women of today, you, me, all the women
[31:32]were speaking to who are listening here today.
[31:34]These are go-getters.
[31:36]These are women who have achieved,
[31:38]they have gotten places, they have done the work,
[31:40]they have pushed themselves.
[31:41]You know, these are an acquired achieving women
[31:44]who need to realize that if you say I'm going to take a day off
[31:48]or if you say I'm going to loosen the reins around my dieting,
[31:51]you're not going to go sit on your couch each
[31:53]and tips all day and wait for, you know,
[31:55]lightning to strike before you move again.
[31:57]It's just not going to be, right?
[31:59]And when we can realize that if we can trust ourselves
[32:03]with saying, hey, I don't have to eat this specific breakfast
[32:06]on the menu, I don't have to go and join this crossfit
[32:09]or this gym or that gym or do these things,
[32:11]I can just start to listen to my body
[32:13]and the wisdom that it has for me
[32:16]that I've ignored for so long,
[32:18]because I just went in the top direction of,
[32:20]no pain, no gain, I got to die, I got to restrict,
[32:23]I got to push and that's where that doesn't fit
[32:26]in this phase of life.
[32:28]And you're not going to be, you know,
[32:29]that person crying in the corner wishing someone
[32:32]was paying attention to her, we got a whole life.
[32:35]You've got things going on.
[32:36]So nurturing yourself with love,
[32:39]absolutely will help you make the best decisions ever.
[32:42]Well, this was amazing, Jen, thank you so much.
[32:45]I love this.
[32:46]I feel like I've taken away such good advice from you,
[32:49]advice that I need to put at the top of my mind
[32:52]that I will take down to go make lunch.
[32:55]Oh my God.
[32:56]And I go through the day and I'm going to spend some time
[33:01]really, you know, carving out this few moments.
[33:04]I'm going to think of you sitting in your closet
[33:05]and I'm going to try to carve something out
[33:10]similarly for myself.
[33:11]So thank you for sharing your, all of your research
[33:15]and your personal experience to help other moms
[33:17]and other women out there.
[33:18]It's just so wonderful that you're doing that.
[33:20]And thanks for sharing it with me.
[33:23]Oh, like what Zibi, I'm so grateful for this.
[33:26]Thank you for all you do.
[33:27]Thank you for your wisdom.
[33:28]We'll have you back on the podcast
[33:30]and we'll surely have more conversations.
[33:32]And I'm going to share that article of yours.
[33:33]Oh, thank you.
[33:34]That is a good fun stuff.
[33:35]I love finding that and sharing.
[33:37]So thanks so much for your time.
[33:39]And you will have all the links in the show notes
[33:41]how to find Zibi and connect with her.
[33:43]So talk to you soon.
[33:45]Bye.