Zibby's Essay: "Making Time for Love This Valentine's Day"
[0:08]Hi, I'm Zivi Owens, and you're listening to the award-winning podcast.
[0:12]Moms don't have time to read books.
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[0:21]Hi, Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
[0:23]I don't know if you're having a great day or a terrible day.
[0:26]Lord knows, over time I've had a lot of really bad Valentine's Day and then some really
[0:32]wonderful ones.
[0:33]So, I don't know.
[0:34]You never know what the day is going to bring, but for this year at least I'm trying to
[0:37]really enjoy it, and I'm feeling very grateful to have all of you to share my experiences
[0:42]with.
[0:43]So, I'm reading this essay.
[0:44]It's called Making Time for Love, This Valentine's Day, which I published on SheHussleCollective.com.
[0:49]And it's really about my many failures and how I feel like I'm just kind of doing a
[0:53]bad job at a lot of things right now.
[0:55]I don't know if anybody can relate to that, and I'm trying to do so much, and yet some
[1:00]other things seem to be slipping, and I just thought I would write about it, and hopefully
[1:05]make any of you who feel the same way, feel a little bit better, and make myself feel
[1:09]a little better, and feel free to email me or get in touch afterwards, and maybe this
[1:15]will encourage you to hug the ones you love a little closer after hearing it.
[1:19]Anyway, enough introduction, it's called Making Time for Love, This Valentine's Day.
[1:25]The words keep ringing in the air as we sit across from each other are sandwiches spread
[1:29]out between us.
[1:30]I just don't feel like you have time for me anymore.
[1:32]I don't even know what to say, it feels like an accusation, but I know my husband means
[1:36]it as fact.
[1:38]It makes me feel like a complete failure.
[1:40]How could I have made him feel this way?
[1:42]But in a way, I know he's right, I don't feel like I have time for anything anymore.
[1:46]Life has been crazy busy for us lately, both of us, and not just because of the four kids,
[1:50]ages 5 through 12.
[1:52]As an entrepreneur, I'm constantly trying to build the brand I've created around my
[1:56]literary podcast, Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[1:59]In addition to releasing three to five episodes a week of my author and reviews and reading
[2:02]all the books to prepare, I'm launching two new, super exciting business offshoots.
[2:07]I've assembled the backbone of a team, which includes part-time work from two of my kids
[2:11]babysitters and their chest teacher.
[2:13]I'm struggling to keep up with a steady stream of emails, texts, DMs, posts, and likes.
[2:19]Somehow each week there seems to be more and more.
[2:21]It's fun and rewarding and amazing and I'm so grateful, but it's a lot.
[2:26]Kyle is busy too.
[2:27]His production company, Morning Wind Productions, is now engaged in making music, movies,
[2:32]and TV shows.
[2:33]He's on enough calls, flying to LA for meetings with a mom's notice, flacking with his
[2:37]teams, scouting talent.
[2:39]Does any of it really matter?
[2:41]Kyle and I have been married for almost three years.
[2:43]My previous marriage, which netted those four children, ended in divorce.
[2:47]Kyle's in my marriage, which closely followed, was a true love match.
[2:50]We met, made it and married, on the tennis court.
[2:54]At first, everything was sunshine and rainbows.
[2:57]But now time, pesky time has reared its ugly ticking head.
[3:00]I'm constantly evaluating, am I using my time most efficiently?
[3:04]Could I do this better?
[3:05]Faster?
[3:06]I second guess every move, every moment.
[3:08]I cram things in.
[3:09]I do things quickly, sometimes too fast, emailing an author instead of my accountant about
[3:13]an insurance bill.
[3:14]And up at book launch events on the wrong days, I forget to sign up for parent teacher
[3:18]conference right when the link goes live.
[3:20]Yes, I make some sloppy mistakes, but on balance, I get a lot done.
[3:24]Including spending quality time with my kids, that I never skimp on.
[3:28]Here's what I haven't been fitting in enough of, my husband.
[3:31]Also, my friends, a dear friend, lost her elderly father last week, and all I've done
[3:35]has sent her one text on a group chain.
[3:38]I'm so mortified by my behavior that I can barely bring myself to apologize.
[3:42]I haven't spoken to my crew of college girlfriends in months.
[3:45]I've only been attending parts of close friends, bar mitzvahs.
[3:49]Instead, I have hard to hearts with five new authors a week.
[3:52]These conversations fill my bucket in a way similar to what close friendship does.
[3:56]I've become a bit addicted to the feeling of those 30 minutes of uninterrupted time,
[4:01]listening, learning, connecting.
[4:03]But it's not the same.
[4:04]When is the last time I've taken 30 minutes sitting in my same podcast chair to FaceTime,
[4:08]my close friend from Denver, my god daughter, my grandmother, friends who live just a few
[4:13]blocks away, my husband who is working in the next room.
[4:16]I'm prioritizing my professional life over other things I hold dear.
[4:20]What kind of balance is that?
[4:22]I miss my husband.
[4:23]I long to snuggle next to him, laugh and have that sense of unlimited time that taunts me
[4:28]from selectifications in our past, our honeymoon at Wimbledon, a trip to Malibu, heck, even
[4:33]just a trip to Dwayne Reed.
[4:35]He's so close, yet he seems out of reach.
[4:38]Even at night, the kids come in and out of our room are bad just enough to make us constantly
[4:42]tired, always on high alert.
[4:44]I guess the answer is that I have to reclaim that time or it will continue to slip away
[4:48]away without my noticing it, like air slowly sailing through a hole in a balloon.
[4:52]I won't notice until it collapses.
[4:54]No matter how professionally successful I could potentially be, I know I'll feel like an
[4:59]abject failure if the people I love don't know it or feel it, especially Kyle.
[5:03]After all, it's his creative energy, love and encouragement that has allowed me to accomplish
[5:07]anything.
[5:08]The way he believes in me literally makes me believe in myself.
[5:12]I know I'm lucky to even have the choice to slow down, but as any entrepreneur knows,
[5:16]that drive, that 24-7 need to do more and more is hard to compete with.
[5:21]Someday that I feel like I'm in the backseat of a speeding car, okay, fine, a car with
[5:24]booster seats.
[5:26]I know I have to take it one day at a time.
[5:28]One opportunity at a time.
[5:29]I have to create snippets of time for what's important, sneak in an extra hug here, a
[5:33]cup of coffee together there, an episode of succession before we pass out.
[5:37]Get something on the calendar.
[5:39]I know this whole thing is a woe is me problem, but I also know that nothing good comes
[5:43]from having your spouse feel like he or she isn't a priority.
[5:46]I'll figure it out.
[5:47]I have to do better.
[5:49]After all, love is the only thing in life that's truly timeless.
[5:52]That's it.
[5:53]I hope you enjoyed it.
[5:54]I hope my husband Kyle knows how much I love him this Valentine's Day, and I feel so
[5:58]grateful to have him in my life, and I'm sorry for not spending more time with him, and
[6:03]I really am doing the best I can, and even though sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm
[6:08]going to cry.
[6:09]Because sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm doing a good enough job with the people
[6:12]I love because I'm doing all this other stuff.
[6:14]I hope that they know how much I love them, and that this other stuff is also making
[6:19]me so happy, and that even if I'm not always there with time, I'm there with love.
[6:27]And gosh, I don't know.
[6:28]I hope that's enough.
[6:30]Thanks for listening.
[6:31]I hope you all have a great Valentine's Day.
[6:33]Bye.
[6:34]You've been listening to Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books with Zibi Owens.
[6:37]Please make sure to sign up for my newsletter at zibiowens.com to get more updates about
[6:42]episodes like these, and also lots of live events.
[6:45]Thanks so much.
[6:46]You can follow me on Instagram at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[6:49]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texturesound for the Sound Editing, and thank you
[6:54]to Morning Moon Productions for providing this fantastic intro and out trim music.
[6:58]Thanks for listening.
[6:59]You can always email me at zibiowens.com.