Clarissa Ward, ON ALL FRONTS
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[2:15]Clarissa Word is the author of On All Fronts, the education of a journalist.
[2:20]She is CNN's chief international correspondent.
[2:22]In her 15-year career spanning Fox, CBS, and ABC,
[2:26]Word has reported from front lines across the world.
[2:29]She's received five Emmy Awards, two George Foster Peabody Awards, two Alfred DuPont
[2:34]Columbia University Awards, two Edward R. Murrow Awards for Distinguished Journalism.
[2:39]Honors from the Radio and Television Correspondence Association,
[2:42]the 2016 David Kaplan Award from the Overseas Press Club and the Excellence in International
[2:47]Reporting Award from the International Center for Journalists.
[2:50]She graduated with Distinction from Yale University, and in 2013 received an Honorary
[2:55]Doctor of Letters degree from Middlebury College in Vermont.
[2:58]She currently lives in London.
[2:59]Welcome, Clarissa.
[3:00]Thank you so much for coming on moms.
[3:02]Don't have time to read books.
[3:03]Thank you so much for having me on.
[3:05]And how great we just made all these personal connections that we should have known each other
[3:09]ahead of time, but anyway, here we are.
[3:12]Now we're reading.
[3:13]Yeah, now here we go.
[3:14]Okay, so on All Fronts, your latest, your memoir, not your latest, your memoir,
[3:19]just came out in details your incredible experiences as this award-winning
[3:25]badass, basically, journalist who I cannot believe how much you've accomplished since graduating
[3:31]after me from Yale.
[3:32]It's like amazing and humbling and I'm just totally impressed.
[3:37]So can you please tell us in there is what your book is about and then what inspired you to
[3:42]sit down and write the story of your life so far?
[3:44]So I mean, the book is really about my journey starting from my childhood and it wasn't
[3:50]necessarily a childhood where it would have been an obvious trajectory for me to go on and become
[3:55]a war correspondent and then through 911, which for me was kind of an epiphany moment.
[4:01]I was studying comparative literature at Yale.
[4:03]I thought I wanted to be an actress suddenly my world was turned upside down and I became
[4:09]consumed by this idea that I wanted to go out there and understand how this had happened
[4:13]and why this had happened and what was it the root of it and I really wanted to be at the
[4:18]tip of the spear.
[4:18]And yeah, then it sort of basically goes through my career because I think the problem is,
[4:25]when you're watching the news, you're only getting half of the story.
[4:27]You're only seeing what's happening in front of the camera.
[4:30]You're not seeing what's happening behind the camera.
[4:32]You're not seeing these beautiful moments of human connection, moments of laughter,
[4:37]acts of kindness, acts of bravery and sacrifice.
[4:40]And those are the moments to be honest that first of all, make this I think
[4:44]like the best job in the world.
[4:46]But they're also the moments that really shape the way you see and understand the world or
[4:50]a culture or a conflict and so I kind of wanted to share that with a wider audience.
[4:56]I wanted people who are not, you know, slavishly following every development in Syria to be
[5:00]able to connect to people in Syria and see the conflict through their eyes and feel it.
[5:07]But do it in a way where it's kind of more approachable.
[5:09]It's like going on a journey with me to some of these really exciting and interesting
[5:13]and often difficult and dangerous places.
[5:15]I only really decided that I wanted to write a book when I got pregnant with my first son.
[5:21]And I was like, okay, I really need to have some kind of a record for him because I'm
[5:26]probably not going to tell him a lot of these stories at the dinner table, but I want him to know
[5:30]about these things and to know who I am other than being mom.
[5:34]I read your glamour article just about this, thought I worked in some of the most dangerous
[5:39]places in the world.
[5:40]Motherhood hasn't changed that.
[5:42]And you talk obviously about having a newborn and a two-year-old and how it feels to like still be
[5:49]the one juggling the play dates while you're at war.
[5:52]You know, like on the battlefield, essentially still dealing with like playgroup.
[5:57]And at your point, of course, the article is much more complex than that, which is a lot of
[6:01]people have thought you're going to give it up now that you have two kids and oh, you must be staying
[6:05]home now. And you're like, would a man in the same position professionally be asked the same thing?
[6:11]So I just was hoping you could talk about that because I thought it was a powerful piece.
[6:17]Thank you. I mean, you know, it is. It's a really, it's a really tough one because on the one
[6:21]hand, yeah, I get a little bit like, come on. I know so many dads doing this job. And I know they're
[6:26]not being asked every five minutes that they're going to keep doing this work now that their
[6:30]fathers. On the other hand, I do get it. I get why people ask that and I do really take my
[6:36]security very seriously. And I take my responsibility for midwifeing these two young souls into the
[6:42]world really seriously as well. So I think it's a fair question. And I've given it a lot of thought.
[6:48]And really what I sort of come up with at the end of the day is, okay, there have to be boundaries
[6:54]and there have to be limits. There are certain assignments that I won't do if they're too dangerous.
[6:58]I will actively avoid being in a kind of really kinetic situation on a front line.
[7:04]I won't be away for longer than two weeks max, but ideally one week. And I do my due diligence
[7:12]for months to plan these trips to the best of my ability to be sure to mitigate every single risk.
[7:18]But I feel like it's important to have mothers covering war. I think we bring a different
[7:24]perspective to the table. I think that I have changed a lot since becoming a mother.
[7:28]I know I've become more emotionally porous. I feel like my heart is sort of out there beating
[7:35]in the wind sensitive to every small act of suffering I see or a child or a woman who's pregnant
[7:43]or a mother making sacrifices for a child. I just feel acutely attuned to it and profoundly
[7:48]moved by it. And I hope that makes its way into my reporting. And I, you know, maybe if there
[7:55]were more mothers covering war, we wouldn't have so many wars, which is not to say that I think
[8:01]all moms should leave their kids and heads with the front line. Not at all. It's not for everyone.
[8:07]And we need to have a diversity of voices telling these stories. I guess that's my point.
[8:12]Don't have time to go to war. I don't know. Yeah. Exactly. Definitely not. So what do you think
[8:18]it was? And I know you spell out so much of this in the book and you take us all the way back to
[8:23]even like childhood babysitters and like all of it. But like what do you think made you
[8:27]able to do this job so well? Like this isn't something that everybody could just hop into and
[8:33]excel at. Like I know I couldn't do it. I have too much fear and anxiety to even like, you know,
[8:37]flight of is at my grandmother right now. So like, how do you, is it, is it bravery? Is it like
[8:45]tell me what do you think it is? What is it? It's definitely not bravery because I don't think
[8:50]I'm exceptionally brave. I'm able to stay calm and incredibly stressful situations. But on the
[8:56]inside, I'm a wreck. And I get very scared. So it's not bravery. I think it's, I think it's a combination
[9:02]of things. Like if I'm being generous with myself, it's, you know, I was an only child. My parents
[9:08]were very busy with their careers always. And I had to be able to perform to get attention and
[9:16]that meant learning to tell stories in a sort of compelling way. And it also meant learning
[9:21]to be really adaptable. I went to boarding school at the age of 10 years old and I had come from
[9:25]the US and it was miserable. I hated it. But I understood that I needed to, it was like a sink or
[9:32]swim situation. I needed to fit in. I needed to make friends and needed to make it work. And I
[9:36]did. And that has allowed me that skill. I think in my career to kind of go into any culture
[9:44]in any place in the world and form human connections with people and just sort of immersed myself.
[9:51]And as long as I have a working Wi-Fi connection and maybe air conditioning at a push, like,
[9:57]I'm OK. I'll be OK.
[10:00]But I also think, yeah, there's a level of passion that you have to have because there is a lot of
[10:06]sacrifice that comes with a job like this, both in terms of your personal life and trying to make
[10:10]that work. And in terms of like the emotional toll that obviously this kind of work inevitably
[10:16]takes. So you really have to want it deep, deep, deep in your core. And I tell that all the time
[10:22]to young journalists who are like, what should I do this? And I'm like, if you're even asking
[10:26]yourself that question is not going to happen. Like, you have to want this with every fiber
[10:30]of your being. You have to feel it's a vocation. Interesting. And tell me more about the 9-11
[10:36]experience for you and how this became your calling. So I mean, you know, I don't know what your
[10:41]experience was like at Yale, but like my experience at Yale was, I mean, it was tremendous. It was so
[10:47]thrilling in terms of, you know, the incredible education and campus life and all of it we were making
[10:54]movies and starting magazines and, you know, enjoying French new wife cinema classes and I had
[10:59]pink hair and lots of piercings and it was indulging in all sorts of, you know, more superficial
[11:05]self exploration, let's say. Then 9-11 happened and it was like a thunderbolt from the sky, right?
[11:11]It was like, oh my goodness, like this has been lovely. But let's face it, there is like some really
[11:19]important stuff happening in the world and it's been happening for a while and I haven't been
[11:24]engaged and I haven't been being attention and why do these people hate us so much and what do they
[11:31]understand about America versus how America sees itself and how can they be engaged with and
[11:37]how can there be better communication? Because it felt to me on some level that this mutual
[11:42]process of dehumanization and miscommunication that it was really fundamentally arising from this
[11:49]failure to understand each other and give in mind, you know, I'm 22, okay? There's a lot of
[11:54]idealism and hubris that work but I became impassioned by this idea that I wanted to go and act as
[12:00]a communicator between worlds and in the process of going to these places take something of
[12:06]America with me to share with them but also take their stories back to America and I have subsequently
[12:14]realized that, you know, that's a hard job because not everybody wants to hear that. Some people
[12:20]think that listening or humanizing the other is tantamount to weakness and so it's been a
[12:27]humbling journey in many ways but also one that I'm profoundly grateful for. Wow, and you're so
[12:34]articulate. I love when you're like listening to people who speak in like complete paragraphs.
[12:39]Like there are speech writers who would want to just like grab what you just said and throw it
[12:44]down on the page and claim it as their own. It's awesome. I have such appreciation for your
[12:49]language anyway. So when you keep going from place to place, I know you've worked in Moscow and
[12:55]Syria and you've been everywhere, like been a lot and like you just like you've like traversed
[13:00]the planet essentially. How do you? And I know yes, okay, fine. Only child's and, you know,
[13:05]performance. But how do you literally land on your feet everywhere you go? How do you just pick up and
[13:11]immerse yourself in something totally new with how do you do it? Yeah, so I mean what drew me
[13:18]a television rather than print is the television is a team sport and it's collaborative and you work
[13:24]with a cameraman and a producer and that really for me is a hugely important part of what I do
[13:33]and I thrive on that collaboration and I really get a lot of energy from just joking around
[13:41]and hanging out because what people never tell you about covering war is like 99% of it is
[13:48]killing time and waiting for something big to happen and then 1% of it is like totally mental and
[13:53]everything is going off and you're just trying to get as much done as you can and then it's back
[13:57]just sitting around and you know waiting for a press conference waiting for a ride to the front line
[14:02]waiting waiting waiting is a huge thing. So you need to be with people in the field who make you
[14:08]laugh, who keep you grounded, who keep you sane, who look out for you, who feed you, who you feed
[14:14]and that camaraderie is a huge part of it and definitely that's what's allowed me to kind of
[14:22]parachute into all these crazy places and live and be rude and Baghdad and Beijing and Moscow and
[14:27]all the places that I've lived because it is lonely. It is lonely and definitely when I've been on
[14:34]my own on these trips and some of them I've had to do alone you have moments where you witness
[14:39]something so beautiful or so profound or so sad or whatever it may be and you're like oh it's
[14:46]it's tinge with this real sense of loneliness that you can't share it with other people in that
[14:52]moment people who you love or people you work with so it is hard to be away from home for so long
[14:59]and it is hard as as successful as you can be at it immersing yourself at other people's lives they
[15:06]are other people's lives at the end of the day and I think one of the most challenging parts of
[15:11]the job is trying to carve out your own real life and what does that look like and where is that
[15:17]and who's a part of that because it's not possible really to do this forever constantly being in
[15:24]other people's lives. Right so when you come home and you have your husband like let's just say even
[15:30]before kids like how do you navigate going through intense you know you would think you'd come back
[15:36]with PTSD like every week and then you come back and maybe like your girlfriend who we were
[15:40]talking about earlier who we both tell like if like how do you confront a girlfriend who's just
[15:45]having like relationship problems when you've been watching like a man be carried in a casket like
[15:50]through the streets how do you keep perspective and relate really to everybody else. So I think
[15:56]this is one of the biggest challenges of the job to be honest because you are straddling different
[16:02]worlds and and shoveling back and forth it's like you know it's polar opposites and how do you
[16:09]acclimatize and I think there's a lot of guilt as well that comes with leaving the front lines
[16:15]of Aleppo and you know going to the south of France and sitting with my girlfriends around the
[16:20]pool drinking rosé it's like on what planet is this okay okay on what planet does this make any
[16:27]sense or is there any justice in this world it's a lot what you come to realize as you do the job
[16:35]longer is that if you can't make that work if you can't experience joy and allow yourself
[16:42]to have that joy and love and spiritual nourishment or physical
[16:48]decadence pampering whatever it is that you need to fill the tank when you're at home
[16:54]you can't go back out and do the job again you need to fill the tank and once you understand that
[17:01]you're able to navigate it a little bit better there have been times and you know I talk about
[17:07]this in the book where I would come back and I didn't feel like I wanted to be me anymore I
[17:12]didn't feel in love with my life anymore I would bristle when my husband would try to hug me I
[17:18]could zone out when I would go out with girlfriends for dinner and catch up with them they would
[17:23]ask me sincerely about Syria and I would not be able to engage with them on it and that is not
[17:31]a healthy state to be in and so you do need to be proactive if you're doing this kind of work
[17:37]and you're witnessing this kind of trauma you need to be proactive about your mental health you
[17:42]need to be seeing the therapist you need to start to recognize the telltale signs of when you're
[17:47]burning out a little bit or when you are getting too detached and too numb because it's a little
[17:52]counterintuitive you see movies and you think oh they see something bad and then you feel sad it's
[17:57]like no feeling sad would be great because that means I'm processing there's catharsis
[18:02]in grief or sadness there is not any catharsis in feeling numb in feeling detached in feeling
[18:10]irascible and and that's when you know that you really need to to do some work to get back to a
[18:17]place where you can feel joy where you can't feel love and where you can feel connection you have
[18:21]a great therapist if that's why I mean I need this person's number instantly I think I have a
[18:28]lot of people who could benefit from this information or you're just like super highly evolved and
[18:33]self-aware which is also fantastic you know it's a great great combination they're telling me
[18:39]about the process of writing this book when did you find the time to do this and how long did it
[18:44]take and all that yeah so I wrote it on my maternity leave you know because masochism comes
[18:50]naturally today I was like what should I do with this time I have off as the first time mother
[18:55]I was like I know I'll write a book and I started out the process for me was like I'm going to write
[18:59]a thousand words a day and then I quickly realized that didn't make sense for me because there
[19:04]would be days where I could write a thousand words no problem and there would be other days where
[19:08]I would become too obsessive about this word counting and and I was impeding the flow if you like
[19:16]so then I shift to gears and I was like okay write as much as you want or as little as you want
[19:21]but just sit down for two to three hours every day and right and that's manageable even when you
[19:29]have a baby and I was lucky I had a maternity nurse and my parents were around a lot of my husband
[19:34]so I had a lot of support but two to three hours was manageable and what I think you know many
[19:40]people who write memoirs find is that when you're writing about your own experiences it's a lot
[19:45]easier right it does flow and especially when it comes from a place of truth it's an amazing
[19:51]experience you're just like wow well I'm doing right now is like typing out the words that are
[19:56]pouring out of me that was the first draft that I went
[20:00]back to work. So the first draft was done in like three months. The second draft took
[20:04]almost a year because I was back at work. I was traveling a lot and it was much more difficult
[20:10]to find time to really immerse myself again in it. And the second round seemed this
[20:16]a lot of kind of flesh out a bit here, you know, what the situation was like in Syria. You know,
[20:21]it's more like the, you know, it's stuff I know, but it's like more the research, the kind of
[20:25]let me tell you in three paragraphs like the history of Syria part. And so that requires a bit
[20:32]more kind of discipline, I would say. And that was that was harder. The first round flow, the
[20:36]second round was like work. Do you feel like now that you've had all this exposure and research
[20:42]and writing about it, you have like intense political views, like does it, does it shift how
[20:47]you feel about like international relations and all of that on like a bigger picture scale?
[20:52]That's interesting. You asked that. I think not so much about political issues. I mean,
[20:57]I'm pretty passionate about Syria and I have pretty strong views on that. And obviously I like
[21:01]testify to the United Nations Security Council, which is, you know, kind of on the edge of like,
[21:06]are you a journalist or an activist? So I've definitely entered that hazy space, let's say.
[21:12]But for the most part, I think what writing did actually was to give me more
[21:18]courage of my convictions in terms of what makes a great journalist, what makes a great story,
[21:25]and what these sort of human moments of connection. I know I keep coming back to that, but like,
[21:32]it made me understand better why I do this and what it's all about for me. And the privilege
[21:39]that comes, not just with witnessing history, which I have had the fortune of doing on occasion,
[21:46]but of making profound connections with people who live 100,000 miles away in every metaphorical
[21:54]sense of that, you know? And so then how did you deal with COVID? How did you like, when the
[21:59]breaks slammed on your life? How did you cope with how well it being back? So I was heavily pregnant.
[22:06]So basically, everyone was on lockdown with me. I was already on lockdown. But if listen,
[22:12]was really challenging because it's the first war I've covered from my living room.
[22:17]And I think it's very tough story to cover in terms of the way I like to cover stories,
[22:22]which is usually with more of a human angle. And so you have to rely a lot on technology and
[22:28]getting people to do video diaries. And it's hard. I definitely learned a lot and I'm still
[22:35]thinking now I'm on maternity leave. It also meant that my book release was delayed by six months.
[22:40]That's right. Yeah. So which was a blessing in some ways because I don't think I realized quite
[22:47]how much work releasing a book is. It turns out it's basically a full-time job. We're calling this
[22:54]a maternity leave, but basically it's a full-time job. It's a really fun full-time job because you're
[23:00]out there talking about something that you feel passionate and excited about. But yeah,
[23:04]I'm definitely thinking now of like, okay, I'll be going back to work. I'll probably go back
[23:09]after the election. I have no idea what the world's going to look like both in terms of the
[23:13]election and in terms of COVID. And what kinds of stories are people going to want to hear?
[23:19]This is one of these things. COVID, much like 9-11. It's like a, it's a bolt from the sky again
[23:25]that's going to profoundly change the way we live and function as a society in ways that we don't
[23:31]really yet understand. We haven't quite got our arms around it. So it's going to be tremendously
[23:37]interesting, but it's definitely going to be challenging as well. Yes, I would agree with that.
[23:42]Would you ever know knowing how much work is involved in the whole thing? Would you ever write
[23:45]another book? Are you like this? Great. And you know, I have a sort of therapy for that yet.
[23:53]But no, yes. At some point, I would like to write a book, another book, but not for a while.
[24:01]Not for a while. Oh my gosh. Do you find time to read yourself? I really wish that I had more,
[24:09]I used to be a voracious reader of novels. And, you know, it was like a conflict major. And that's
[24:14]really what I loved with language, which two languages to do. I did French Italian and Russian,
[24:19]but Russian, my Russian wasn't good enough. So I was reading in translation. But as you know,
[24:24]I mean, hence the name of the podcast, having kids is like, wow, when do you find time,
[24:30]you know, I have this beautiful stack of books by my bedside. And then I get into bed and like,
[24:34]my husband's reading that books. And I'm sort of making sure that I haven't like missed 50
[24:39]Zoom calls or whatever. And I get the book out. And it's like, and then, you know, before I know it,
[24:44]I'm like, you know, so it's like, it's really hard. I'm not going to pretend it's not one way
[24:50]that I get to read books is that people ask me a lot to write blurbs for their books.
[24:55]So that's great. Because then you really have to read the book, right? And so I do try to read,
[25:02]but man, I really wish I had more time and that I could read more. And that's why I think it's
[25:07]so awesome what you're doing because, you know, we do need to carve out more time and find these
[25:13]little moments to read. And it's such an important thing that we I think social media and
[25:20]everything is we've all gotten a little bit distracted. Well, I hope like by doing the show that I
[25:25]entice people to read because once they hear somebody's story like yours, they're like, oh my gosh,
[25:30]I have to hear more. I want to read the whole thing. So that's my goal. Kind of wet the appetite,
[25:34]like having movie trailers. This is like the book trailer channel thing. No, and believe me,
[25:41]authors are so grateful to you for that. And your sincerity and your curiosity and enthusiasm is
[25:46]just really, really awesome. Oh, thanks. I know. I feel like a child. I really do get like so excited.
[25:53]Yeah, but I do. But it's really awesome. And how great to like, you know, my kids just went to school
[25:58]and now they're only in school in real life for the mornings, my little guys at least. So they
[26:02]come home after three and a half hours. And my daughter was just lunged and she was like, wow, I feel
[26:07]like I didn't even leave. And I was like, yeah, I feel like that too, except that I had three podcasts
[26:11]this morning. And I met the most interesting women ever. And I talked to somebody in Florence and I
[26:16]talked to somebody in Chicago. And I talked to somebody, you know, it's just like, how else would I
[26:21]ever meet all these interesting people? So I, yeah, I am feel very lucky. That's kind of like my job,
[26:26]though, you know, I feel the same way. And I think that's how you know when you're onto a good thing,
[26:31]right? It's not about whatever the trappings of success might look. It's about that kind of,
[26:36]wow, I'm really excited. I'm learning. I'm meeting interesting people. I'm seeing different
[26:41]ideas. And that is, that's the thrill of it. That's the excitement. And then like once you're in it,
[26:47]more ideas and more things happen, you know, like, yeah, as opposed to when I was home with my twins
[26:51]who were now 13, like when they were little and every day was like a thousand hours long. And I was
[26:56]just like, I can't even think of a single essay to write right now, you know, so burnt out. I'm just
[27:00]like, now it's like, you know, you throw one thing. Like with you, I'm sure like you just throw
[27:05]one more thing in the fire and you're already going at warp speeds. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, it's long,
[27:09]long days, short years. Yes, exactly. Well, it was so great to talk to you. Thanks for coming
[27:15]on mom's own time to read books. Thanks for sharing your journey with everybody. And yeah,
[27:20]I'll look for you eventually on TV. Yes, whatever person, hopefully, if things ever,
[27:27]if we ever want to graduate, it would be awesome. Yes. All right. So I'll talk to you soon.
[27:34]Hopefully I'll see you soon. Take care. Thank you. Thanks. Bye bye. Bye.
[27:39]Thanks for audible sponsoring this episode. Get your amazing deal for 95 for six months for your
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[27:53]zibi to 500-500. Thanks, Audible. Thanks for listening to this episode of moms don't have time to read
[27:59]books. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at zibi Owens and at moms don't have time to read
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[28:09]lots of authors on zoom every other week. Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at the texture sound
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[28:19]and atrium music.
