Jen Sincero, BADASS HABITS
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[1:42]Jen Cincero is a number one New York Times best selling author success coach and motivational cattle prod who's helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives via her products,
[1:53]speaking engagements, newsletters seminars and books.
[1:56]Her number one New York Times bestseller.
[1:58]You are a badass how to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life has sold over three million copies and it's available in over 35 languages.
[2:07]It continues to grow in popularity around the globe and has been on the New York Times bestseller list for over four years and counting.
[2:13]Her follow-ups are you are a badass at making money master the mindset of wealth which was also in New York Times bestseller.
[2:20]And you are a badass every day how to keep your motivations strong your vibe high and your quest for transformation unstoppable.
[2:27]Her latest book which we talk about today is badass habits cultivate the awareness boundaries and daily upgrades you need to make them stick.
[2:35]I thought this was a perfect episode to launch on the first Monday in January when everybody is getting back to whatever they're getting back to and regrouping for the new year.
[2:45]As a highly sought after speaker Jen has shared her signature brand of motivational comedy with everyone from women entrepreneurs to multinational corporations to nonprofits to educational institution to her mom's book club.
[2:56]In 2011 she sold most of her possessions and spent the next three years running her business from all corners of the globe riding, speaking, coaching and encouraging people to live lives of unbridled awesomeness.
[3:07]Jen and her work have appeared in a variety of media outlets including New York Times, The Doctor Oz Show, Oprah Magazine, Success Magazine, Money Magazine Comedy Central, Forbes, Fast Company, Bloomberg, The Howard Stern Show and more.
[3:20]Her other books include the semi autobiographical novel Don't Sleep With Your Drummer and The Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping With Chicks.
[3:27]Enjoy our episode and let's all start off the new year making our habits whatever we want them to be and certainly under our control.
[3:35]Welcome Jen, thank you so much for coming on mom's don't have time to read books.
[3:39]Thanks so much for having me. I love the title of your show.
[3:42]I love the title of your books. I feel like you are a single-handedly responsible for getting the
[3:48]term badass into mainstream culture and that's quite an accomplishment. Thank you very much, no problem.
[3:55]So your latest book tackles habits so thank you for that. There are so many habits I feel like
[4:00]I want to change. I didn't even know which one to write down in all capital letters as you suggested.
[4:04]But I know this is one of many sort of extensions including how to be better with your money and
[4:13]other things where you can apply the badassery if you will. Why habits? Why did you pick that to
[4:19]tackle in this book? Well I feel like the first three books that you are about as badass at making
[4:23]money and you are about as every day were sort of about getting your minds. They are about taking
[4:28]action but they were really about getting the mindset pieces down and to really wake up to all your
[4:33]screwed up thoughts and beliefs and actions and words and felt like habits was kind of like the
[4:38]awesome follow-up to those because you could really start implementing some of the stuff you were
[4:42]learning in those books and make them habits you know. And we don't even realize how habitual
[4:48]everything is. Like the way you think is habitual, the things you talk about are habitual.
[4:52]Like we're riddled with habits so it was time to really get into that. That was one of my favorite
[4:59]points of the book is you're like we don't even congratulate ourselves on the habits that we don't
[5:03]think about. Like hey congratulations I put my underwear on every day or what you're like
[5:07]all these things that we just do. And your whole argument is we can do anything we want as long as
[5:13]we get in the right mindset which I felt like was so freeing because it's not hard to make habits.
[5:19]It's just right the focusing on them and the getting the right you know mindset to do it is all
[5:24]that's required really. Yeah and there's certainly little tricks you can do to make it easier but
[5:29]yeah that's about that's really it. And I loved your framework. You basically outlined oh by the way
[5:34]I also loved when you said how to catch yourself from wandering down what was me lane. I am totally
[5:40]going to use that because I'm always like I hate to say what was me but what was me lane I don't
[5:46]know I can see like a whole board game with what was me lane. The pitfalls and you know maybe there
[5:51]needs to be a badass board game or something. Oh my god that's a awesome idea so it's a good
[5:57]pandemic project. Yeah pandemic project there you go with what was me lane badass re village.
[6:03]Okay well anyway you work on that but in the meantime okay so you have all these stages like the
[6:09]trigger the sequence repetition ease patience and identity which kind of makeup habit forming
[6:16]take me through this general paradigm and like how did you come up with this? Well I started
[6:20]looking at why we behave the way we do and so you know we the first thing we do is we unconsciously
[6:29]participate in realities you know quote unquote reality because we believe that money is really
[6:37]hard to make or we think that we suck at relationships or we talk about how you know there's no
[6:45]good men or women out there you know we we get into these patterns and we unconsciously just take
[6:51]them as truth and it's once we wake up to what we've got going on and question our beliefs and
[6:58]our thoughts and our words like why do I believe that like there's plenty of people doing ABC or
[7:03]D that I have decided that for myself it is impossible and unavailable right so the first step is
[7:08]always awareness and always catching yourself in whatever your stories are that are not serving you
[7:14]so that really is the first part and so I just sort of outline that and then with the you know
[7:18]with the triggers and the sequence and all that there is a very very concrete way that habits
[7:24]happen it's like the trigger is you want to take your dog for a walk so the sequence starts with
[7:30]you putting on your shoes and putting the leash on the dog and then you go out for the walk and
[7:35]you know we're unaware of so many of these triggers sequence things that we've got going on and
[7:41]so you know for a lot of people a negative habit is the trigger is I'm having a cocktail now I
[7:45]got to have a cigarette so catchy becoming aware of the triggers and the sequences that follow them
[7:52]allow you to unfold from them so it really is just like it's almost like stepping outside of
[7:57]yourself and watching yourself behave and then you can be like you know what that's that's not
[8:02]how I want to show up and that's not who I want to be and then that empowers you to make
[8:07]different choices that was the other thing I thought was so great was how to identify a habit
[8:11]worth breaking and you outlined a couple steps for four different parts of this which made it even
[8:17]harder for me to pick my habit but you said pick habits one it would give you a sense of being
[8:22]the person you know you're meant to be a sense of empowerment and improved quality of life and
[8:27]a sense of accomplishment so like some of the habits I was thinking before I started reading this
[8:33]are not that important to like who I'm meant to be right like how I eat is not who I'm meant to be
[8:39]I mean I would like to stop snacking at night but that's such a minor thing it wouldn't make me
[8:44]feel accomplished or proud well think about that though think about that you have one body that you
[8:50]travel around in for your finite experience on planet earth your body is the most important thing
[8:57]you've got going so changing how you eat and how you treat it and giving it what it needs to
[9:03]thrive and feel good and stay healthy is epic right so those little shifts and that little you know
[9:12]and so that little shift of like not eating late at night means your little body that does all this
[9:17]amazing things for you doesn't have to work really hard when it's supposed to be in this regenerative
[9:23]mode of sleeping and you know so it really is all about perspective give me another one I'll
[9:29]I'll knock it down I really said that so that I could continue snacking at night so if you wouldn't
[9:35]you just said it will pretend that never happened I don't know also I think developing a habit
[9:42]of writing regularly like I feel like I'm so busy I love to write and I feel like I squeeze my
[9:47]writing into like posting on Instagram or like little snippets but how great would it be if I
[9:52]could make time to do it and that I feel like would give me more of these things and something like
[9:58]I don't know working
[10:00]out for something. I don't know. Right. Back to the body. I don't know if I'm really going to
[10:04]come up there. That's a lost cut. So let's go back to trying to fit writing it. But that's
[10:09]something that people might want to start doing. Right. So how do you make something not
[10:15]changing a bad habit, but just interacting with you into the regular rotation. So tell me a little
[10:21]about that because they're different. Yeah. So first I would start out with busting yourself
[10:27]on why you haven't done it yet and your beliefs and thoughts and words around how hard writing
[10:33]is about how you don't have the time, about how you've tried before and you failed. Like get
[10:38]mighty clear on all the many, many reasons that it hasn't happened yet and why you think you're
[10:42]going to suck at it because they exist if you're not doing it yet. And it's something you want to do.
[10:48]And write them down. You know, it really is about specifics. So write them down and be like,
[10:52]hello. And then question them all and counter them all because they all have counters. You know,
[10:58]it's it's you've created this belief system and a lot of times it's so subconscious. You've just
[11:03]taken it as truth. Right. Like, I'm a mom. I got a podcast. I got a job. I got a blah, blah, blah.
[11:08]I don't have time. It's true. It's true. It's true. Is it like, could you fit in a 15 minute writing
[11:14]session somewhere? You know, could you set up a boundary with your family to be like, listen,
[11:19]you're out of luck. I am writing this time. You know, I always talk about how we talk about how
[11:24]we don't have time to work out and treat our bodies right. But if we get sick and go to the hospital,
[11:29]we have time to go to the hospital. Like we are in the damn hospital. There's suddenly time for
[11:34]that. So time really is, you know, as Einstein was the one who said that it's a concept. It's,
[11:40]you know, it really is a concept and you can't wait for time. You have to make time. So make it
[11:45]happen for yourself because it is there. If it's important, it really is. I try to say that about
[11:50]reading. Like, I feel like I've gotten that in. So when I talk to other people who say, you know,
[11:55]hence the name of the podcast, like we don't have time to read or this or that, like, well,
[11:58]and I think about all the things we do make the time for every single day. And why, why those things?
[12:04]It's not the same, probably as a habit, but I don't know. No, you're right. Though it's true. You do,
[12:10]you get into the habit of, you know, surfing the internet for shoes, for, you know, whatever you do,
[12:17]it's about the awareness. We just get stuck in these patterns of unaware, you know, and they say
[12:22]that, you know, if you've got a job that you go to for eight hours a day, you actually spend about
[12:26]three hours of those day actually working. And then you're just screwing around the rest of the
[12:31]time. So we spent a lot of time screwing around and listen. I'm a big fan of screwing around and,
[12:35]you know, doing whatever you want to do. But if you're something you really want to do,
[12:39]you have time. You've just, you've just got it to really make the time and consciously decide
[12:46]to make the time. So do you feel like you've put all this extra pressure on yourself now that you
[12:50]came out with a book about habits? Like, are there any habits that like secretly you still haven't
[12:54]really nailed? And now you're like, you can't admit it because the book is out.
[12:59]You should do that podcast with my friends who see how I live my life.
[13:02]What's for a pandemic? I'm in my sweatpants right now. Totally. Come on. Like I'm, no, I mean,
[13:10]yes, I have absolutely succeeded at so many habits. And I actually opened the book in the introduction
[13:15]talking about who the hell am I in a right of book on habits because I still do, you know, I still
[13:21]love fried food eat it all the time. So, you know, yeah, I can coach you through. I know what to do,
[13:27]whether I do it or not really doesn't matter. I love it. I think it matters a little bit.
[13:33]I mean, not that you have to hold yourself to that standard. But yeah, yeah, I don't know.
[13:37]It was just like those who can't do teach type of thing. Like, yeah, totally. No, I mean, I definitely
[13:44]and my point in the beginning of the book was I am focusing on all the habits I suck at. But
[13:49]meanwhile, I have absolutely rocked some very hard habits for me to change. And so, you know,
[13:54]nobody's perfect. You know, we're all, we're all learning and changing and doing it. And you've
[13:59]rocked the habit of becoming like a best-selling author and writing more and more books. That's pretty
[14:03]cool. Yeah. And you're also doing these really awesome seminars like a $97 class to write a book
[14:10]proposal. And I saw that like all these people were selling books because of your coaching with them.
[14:14]Like that must make you feel amazing. It's just, you know, it's funny. I was, I have a little pod here
[14:21]now with some people staying who like fled the city. And, and I was saying, you know, now I'm
[14:26]back on my book tour because habits has come out. And, and I was like, God, you know, and especially
[14:30]you're in the pandemic where I haven't left the house. I haven't done a damn thing where I'm just
[14:33]like sloughing around reading books, you know, hanging out. That's like, that's right. There's this
[14:37]whole other world out there of the badass people and all my readers. And there's so amazing. And
[14:43]it's been so nice to sort of ramp that back up and be in that world. And to remember that there
[14:49]is all this change going on and the people are just doing incredible things. I mean, it's so
[14:53]inspiring. It really, it really truly is. Wow. How great for you to help them now. That's really,
[14:58]that's great. So where is this? So what is next in the badass hopper? Like, what are the next
[15:02]couple books and what's the plan? You are a badass at taking naps in your sweatpants.
[15:10]You know, I don't know. I got to be honest. I, you know, each book is a birth and it's
[15:17]rather epic. And, you know, I just birthed badass habits and I'm just going to enjoy my new little
[15:23]baby and celebrate it and parade her around and, and sort of see what comes out of that and what
[15:31]I feel drawn to, to do next like the work right now. That's what you're going to do.
[15:38]I will be contacting you to give you your 10% when the board game comes out because
[15:43]I'm such an idiot. Oh my gosh. One other thing that I thought was so great in the book was when
[15:49]you divided people about their boundary bungling, which is so great. And I hated to kind of even admit
[15:56]where I would fall short on this is I'm sure most people are reading the book with, but you have
[15:59]like two yeses, too much no and too controlling. And you even have a huge section on if you're trying
[16:05]to launch podcast about music and how you would have to put other things on hold. And I literally
[16:10]was doing this and obviously this isn't about music, but I was like, she's talking to me. Like
[16:14]these are all the ways you have to make time in your life. If you want to have a podcast and I'm
[16:18]like looking around like, thank you. So tell me about how important it is to maintain your boundaries
[16:26]when you're trying to form some habits. I thought it was such I have to be honest like when we came
[16:31]up with this chapter for the book. I was talking to my editor and I was like, you know,
[16:35]because I turn I'm 55 now and when I hit 50, man, I got so good at setting boundaries. I was like,
[16:41]all of a sudden like all these insecurities fell away and I was just like kicking people out of my
[16:46]house and like not inviting you to a party. If I didn't want you to come like, I don't care. And I mean,
[16:52]not completely we all have stuff to work through, but I was just it was so it was so different.
[16:58]I really didn't remember my dad saying, yeah, I don't know if you get older and wiser or older
[17:02]and more tired and I was like, he's right. Like, I don't have the energy to deal with people I
[17:06]don't want to deal with. I don't have the energy to like say yes when I really want to say no,
[17:10]like it's such a gift. And I was like, I would love to write this so that the youngsters who don't,
[17:15]you don't have to wait till you're 50, you can actually start really becoming aware of
[17:20]your boundary issues and putting them into place and decriminalizing boundaries. This I thought this
[17:24]was so important. It's like when you set a solid boundary, you're not a mean person who's cutting
[17:30]off other people and not helping out other people. You're actually informing them of what you're
[17:34]available for so that they know what to expect. So then you're not all caught up in this like passive
[17:41]aggressiveness and resentment and, you know, obligation and all those really fun things. It really
[17:48]serves everybody to no one's walking around on eggshells. And when you start, so I was super excited
[17:53]to write all that. And then I was talking to my editor and she's like, well, of course for habits,
[17:58]if you're going to shift who you're being in the world, you're going to need totally new boundaries.
[18:02]You're going to set up boundaries around time that you need to implement these habits.
[18:06]You're going to be shifting who you are. So if you are starting to have it,
[18:10]I'm not drinking anymore. You are unavailable to go to bars with your friends. You are setting up
[18:14]that boundary. You know, it's all about boundaries. So it was really fun to to write about this
[18:19]topic that I was so excited about and feel to be quite an expert on because I'm old and possibly
[18:24]very much more tired, but also to relate it to habits because I don't think that that comes
[18:28]into a lot of the books and discussions around habits. And it's super important. Totally agree.
[18:33]It's more like complete behavior modification and interpersonal, it's like an interpersonal
[18:38]coaching. It's like finding what's important to you. Yeah, exactly. That has to have it.
[18:43]It's getting clear. Do you have any advice for aspiring authors?
[18:50]Oh, well, let's see. Writing equals as plus chair. That's the big, mysterious equation to writing
[18:58]a book. And it is about just staying. I'll tell you the thing for me. I am a really reluctant writer.
[19:07]I have to drag myself, kicking and screaming. It's really painful for me actually. And I've
[19:13]heard that from a lot of writers do a lot. I mean, I have a friend who can't wait to sit down to
[19:16]write. I'm just like, I hate you. Like how? Well, she's acting my writing partner. So she's always
[19:22]excited. And I'm always trying to get out of it. But there another story. But so what I do is I chunk it
[19:27]down. Chunking down has saved my ass when it comes to writing books because I'm so squirmy. And I
[19:33]so just a lot. And so what I do is I chunk it down into 20 minute writing sessions where I am unauthorized
[19:40]2P to answer the phone to go on the internet. 20 minutes. I sent an alarm. And then I'm allowed
[19:46]to have a 10 minute break or a five minute break or whatever. But I am. And I'm really serious about it
[19:51]because I know myself. And I know by minute 10, I'm going to be squirming and coming up with excuses.
[19:57]But once I've set that timer, I know.
[20:00]Oh, that it's like, it's not just about this 20 minute writing session.
[20:02]This is about my career.
[20:04]This is about who I show up and as in the world, you know, I've got to get this
[20:07]done.
[20:07]So making that commitment is manageable for me, right?
[20:11]So it's not the whole, I'm going to spend five hours writing today, which will be
[20:16]really a half hour.
[20:18]So for me, chunking stuff down is extremely helpful.
[20:21]And I highly recommend it excellent.
[20:23]That always helps.
[20:24]It was like the whole quote, a journey of a thousand miles,
[20:27]begins with a single step, something like that.
[20:29]I don't know.
[20:31]I know.
[20:32]Well, that's a good, well, no, you can overwhelm.
[20:35]You'll be done before you start.
[20:37]If you start out with overall, and that's why that, you know, one day at a time is
[20:40]such a brilliant theory.
[20:42]It's just one day to time.
[20:43]Just relax.
[20:44]We're so drama oriented, you know, so true.
[20:48]Awesome.
[20:48]Well, thank you so much.
[20:49]I have loved our conversation and your book was fantastic.
[20:53]And I am going to keep it close by, especially during this holiday time when
[20:57]everything, you know, everything that is a problem becomes a really big
[21:01]problem.
[21:01]So
[21:04]thank you for all of it.
[21:06]Yeah.
[21:06]All right.
[21:07]Well, thank you so much, Jen.
[21:08]And thank you.
[21:09]Thanks for all your time.
[21:09]It was great to have a great day.
[21:11]Bye bye.
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[21:38]Thanks.
[21:39]Thanks for listening to this episode of mom, don't have time to read books.
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