Shari Medini, PARENTING WHILE WORKING FROM HOME

[0:08]Hi, I'm Zibi Owens, and you're listening to the award-winning podcast, Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.

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[0:53]Hi, I don't know if you guys know this or not, but I have an anthology coming out called Moms Don't Have Time to A Quarantine Anthology.

[1:01]And it comes out on February 16th and has essays by 60 plus of the authors who have been on this podcast.

[1:09]So first of all, please pre-order this book.

[1:11]I think you will love it.

[1:13]I'm so excited about all the authors who are represented just to give you a few.

[1:18]Chris Bajillion, Jewel Parker Rhodes, Ashley Prentice Norton, Gretchen Rubin, Rima Zaman, Eileen Zimmerman.

[1:26]And that is just from the first page of the multi-page table of contents.

[1:30]So please pick up this book.

[1:31]Moms Don't Have Time to A Quarantine Anthology.

[1:34]It's available anywhere you buy books, Amazon, bookshop.org, and your local independent bookstore.

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[1:41]And also, I want to invite you listeners to my fundraiser slash launch party.

[1:49]The night it comes out on February 16th, the Tuesday at 7 p.m.,

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[1:58]And 50 of the authors who wrote essays in this book, as well as many of the amazing authors who blurbed this book,

[2:07]who wrote little praise worthy quotes at the front, will be there.

[2:10]And you can be there too.

[2:12]So if you go to my website zibbyowens.com and just click on Anthology and go to book tour,

[2:18]you will see a whole fundraiser section.

[2:21]And for $50, you can attend.

[2:25]You'll get a copy of the book.

[2:27]And you'll get to schmooze on zoom with all of these amazing authors.

[2:32]This is like going to be the literary happening of February.

[2:35]So please come.

[2:37]I would love to see you all in person on zoom, I guess.

[2:40]But even see some of your faces.

[2:43]I know so many of you are really loyal listeners.

[2:45]And that makes me really happy.

[2:47]All proceeds of the book and the fundraiser are going to the Susan Felice Owens program

[2:53]for COVID-19 vaccine research at Mount Sinai Health System.

[2:58]And it is named after my husband's mother who passed away from COVID over the summer,

[3:03]which many of you followed along on Instagram as I recounted that horrific experience.

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[3:19]Sherry Medina is the co-owner of the sales and marketing podcast,

[3:22]push, pull, sales, and the co-owner of the gymnastics program, gymnasticsmindset.com.

[3:27]As a successful businesswoman, she has had the opportunity to work with companies

[3:31]as a freelancer, consultant, and speaker while running multiple successful businesses of her own.

[3:36]Sherry is the co-owner of the popular parenting website, adorethemparenting.com,

[3:41]which has been featured on today, parents, scary mommy, and half-post.

[3:44]Her parenting articles have also been published in dozens of publications.

[3:47]Sherry's new book co-authored with Carissa Tunes, parenting while working from home,

[3:52]offers actionable tips, heartfelt insight, and planning strategies to help parents

[3:56]enjoy their parenting journey while working from home.

[3:58]As if that's possible.

[4:00]No, I'm just joking.

[4:01]Anyway, listen and get some great tips here.

[4:05]Welcome Sherry.

[4:05]Thank you so much for coming on mom's.

[4:07]Don't have time to read books.

[4:08]Thank you for having me.

[4:10]I'm excited to be here.

[4:11]I'm excited to be here with you, especially because

[4:13]with our books are coming out from Sky Horse Publishing this year.

[4:16]So we're like book siblings of a storage or something.

[4:19]I love it.

[4:21]That's a new name for it.

[4:23]Okay, parenting while working from home, your book,

[4:27]could not be better time to seriously who is not trying to do this right now.

[4:32]But despite its title, it's applicable for people who are not just working from home

[4:37]and will be applicable for far into the future, regardless of where people work

[4:42]because every month of the year you have really great actionable tips and worksheets

[4:47]and all this other stuff.

[4:48]So tell me a little about how this book came to be.

[4:53]Thank you for saying all of that.

[4:54]I appreciate that.

[4:55]We really tried to pack a lot into it.

[4:58]So I'm glad that that came across and that you found that helpful.

[5:02]The book like you said is broken down by month.

[5:05]So each chapter we are focusing on things for that particular month.

[5:09]As parents every month can look a little bit different.

[5:13]In current times things seem to be running together a little bit more,

[5:16]but in typical family life, there's that distinction.

[5:19]But within each chapter as well, we break that down into sections

[5:23]where there's something to help the parent focus on themselves,

[5:27]whether that's self care or building confidence or self growth in some form or another.

[5:33]There's a section for connecting with your kids, which is more that traditional

[5:36]parent in content, maybe it's activity ideas, maybe it's something

[5:40]how to help your kids through something or work on that child behavior piece.

[5:45]And then we have a section for working from home, which applies to working from home.

[5:49]But we tried to implement a lot of things that is just kind of good career advice

[5:55]in general that as parents trying to advance in our careers,

[5:59]what insight, what ideas, what has worked well for us that we're able to

[6:03]communicate and pass along for that aspect of our lives.

[6:08]And I think it's something as a pen.

[6:09]I don't know if you feel this way too, but I feel like there's so many different aspects to parenting

[6:15]while you're also trying to advance in your career that it was even helpful

[6:20]in writing the book to be able to segment those different areas.

[6:25]Because I, Karissa and I, my co-author and I, we live our lives that way,

[6:31]that we do tend to segment and try to, we are able to maintain a better balance

[6:36]because we recognize we can't do everything all at the same time.

[6:40]Yeah, it's impossible.

[6:41]Or you can, you can certainly try, but you know, there will be evidence

[6:46]that you didn't exactly pull it off perfectly.

[6:49]It's just and a lot of frustration.

[6:51]Like anytime that I'm trying to do multiple things at once,

[6:58]I end up just getting annoyed.

[7:00]And that's not helpful for anybody.

[7:03]Yeah, very.

[7:04]So, slowing down, even taking one step at a time, even just the acknowledgement

[7:12]that every month is so different for parents.

[7:15]And I know you said, yes, of course, the days are sort of bleeding into each other.

[7:19]They're not as extreme, but for sure, December is hugely different from January,

[7:24]which is very different from February compared to like July.

[7:27]I mean, everything is like, okay, well, those, you know,

[7:30]mate, we've got camp forms and this month we've got Hanukkah gifts and this

[7:33]kind of holiday cards and, you know, every month brings a new set of universal sort

[7:39]of, maybe not universal.

[7:40]Like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't.

[7:41]That sounds very privileged that I can't over generalize.

[7:44]Right.

[7:45]Yeah.

[7:45]I'm very lucky that I send my children to camp and that I can give Hanukkah gifts and whatever.

[7:50]But in general, there are a lot of commonalities between the things that parents go through

[7:54]on a cyclical basis based on the months and it was so nice just to see it spelled out.

[8:01]And what I really loved is that you encourage readers to quickly mark down the highlights,

[8:09]the things that really matter to them in certain months because it's all well and good to

[8:14]be like, okay, I should write down every cue thing my kid says.

[8:17]But three things from the month of February, I could probably do that.

[8:22]Seems definitely more manageable.

[8:24]Yes.

[8:25]For sure.

[8:26]And we really, like you said, so we have the monthly intentions at the beginning of every

[8:30]month slash chapter and the monthly reflections at the end of every month, which are essentially

[8:36]journal prompts and space to write it in there.

[8:39]And I know it can be tempting to skim over that and or say, I'll come back to that,

[8:45]but I guarantee you won't remember a couple days into the next month.

[8:50]So how can we be purposeful and even taking that five minutes to just think about it?

[8:57]We have so much going on in our heads in any given moment that just taking that time

[9:03]and space to actually think about things is meaningful.

[9:08]And you might come to the conclusions that you wouldn't have thought of otherwise and really

[9:13]encouraging people, you know, step one of making positive changes, just acknowledging

[9:19]what's working and what's not working.

[9:23]And then we can try to figure out a solution, but we have to start there.

[9:29]So true.

[9:30]And you spelled out also like a lot of things when you're you have a whole focus on

[9:34]you section and part of focusing on you.

[9:37]There was this one little paragraph on reading and how that was great.

[9:41]So of course I'm like, oh, reading chapter, tell me about that and how you fit reading

[9:46]in and why you think it's important.

[9:48]Well, first of all, I love the name of your podcast and and all of this.

[9:53]I know everybody tells you that doesn't get old.

[9:56]Okay.

[9:57]All right.

[9:58]Good.

[9:59]Well, I love it.

[10:00]perfect because it is important. And what I realized this past year, I, I loved reading as a kid.

[10:10]And I kind of felt like stopped devouring books at some point in my adult life. And I think

[10:18]I think part of it was my taste changed. And it didn't really realize that. But other part of it

[10:25]was like, well, if I'm reading, it should be like for something. Like, I stopped reading for

[10:31]enjoyment. I read a lot of nonfiction. I read a lot of parenting books and, you know, self-help type

[10:37]stuff, which absolutely has a place in its valuable. Otherwise, I wouldn't have taken the time to

[10:42]write one myself. But this past year, I discovered that I love thrillers. And I don't, I kind of

[10:51]shocked myself, but I have read book after book, after book in the genre and rediscovered that

[10:58]that love of reading. But it is important. And I think it's really going to depend the season of

[11:04]parenthood that you're in. It is not going to be easy to sit down and, you know, read a book,

[11:10]cover to cover in a weekend that now that my kids are a little older, I have a little more time

[11:16]and space to do that. But just being purposeful about taking those small moments, Carissa always

[11:23]keeps a book in her car. So when she was waiting in school, pick up line or maybe they got to a

[11:29]doctor's appointment early or the baby's napping in the back that she has that. And she can flip

[11:34]through and read that a little bit. And I think we talk about in the book that treating a book

[11:39]more like a TV series than a movie that you can just watch little pieces at a time. You can

[11:46]read little pieces at a time. And, you know, when it comes down to it, like do what's enjoyable

[11:51]to you and understand that you might get interrupted at any moment. Unfortunately,

[11:56]sometimes reading is more like a commercial than even a TV show. That means seriously,

[12:03]it's like I get two minutes and then something else shifts and I have to put it down again.

[12:08]So you're right. Which might then mean that you're choosing different books, a different

[12:13]stages in your life. And that was something that we were aware of when we were writing this,

[12:18]that it is an easy book to pick up and put down, that you can got a little snippet and dive back

[12:26]into it later. And that you can feel accomplished because, I mean, yes, of course, you can read it

[12:31]all at once. But you could just have your goal be to read the December, chapter in December,

[12:37]or the March, chapter in March. And you've read one chapter of a book. And then when the book is

[12:41]over, you finish the book, you've had all these tips, you've done exercises. There are things in

[12:47]your book too that I loved. Like, I like, I'm always recommending stupid things to like kill time.

[12:52]You know, like any, I know you had it there, like keep your back as long as possible,

[12:56]which is basically what you said. But it, which is basically what's happening in the other room

[12:59]right now. They're not a problem, but that's happening. But even how you said stuffed animal hide

[13:06]and seek, I've never done that. And I was like, how could I have never done that before? That's such

[13:10]a good idea. So I think we're definitely going to have to go do that after I get out to see.

[13:15]That's a great thank you. And I love that that like, not every single idea is going to be this big

[13:21]aha moment that we're sharing. But little things like that that you hadn't done before that are

[13:26]just simple. Like you said, we can go do that this afternoon. That's an easy thing. There's no prep.

[13:31]We can just go try it out. But even while I was writing the book and kind of going back through

[13:37]my own ideas and reading back through Keras, those ideas, I was like, oh, I forgot about that.

[13:43]We should do that once. That was helpful. Why did we stop doing that? Because life gets busy and

[13:51]you forget even your own best tricks. It's you. It's time. Maybe that could be an

[13:58]addendum to your book. Like the chicks, you know, chicks, or at least a paragraph, things that,

[14:04]you know, they got you tricks of the tree. I used to throw in measuring cups and teaspoons and

[14:13]tablespoons into the shower with my twins when they were really little. Like I want to say three or

[14:18]four. And they would maybe they were younger. I don't know. Whatever age that would be developmentally

[14:22]appropriate. Not when they were like 13. But no, when they were really little and they would

[14:27]spend hours just like, you know, pouring the water on each other and filling up the cups. And I was

[14:32]like, this is gold. I could sit there. I could read. I could do whatever I had to do. You know,

[14:38]yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like we talk about to like bring it into the bathroom. Like, I mean, I can't tell you

[14:43]how much work I've gotten done in the bathroom while my kids are in the tub or playing with cups

[14:49]in the shower. Like, you know, it just, I don't know, once you can kind of find those little nuggets.

[14:55]And then it also inspires you to find other simple solutions in other areas where you're like,

[15:02]okay, how else can I apply this? Or how else can I expand on this? Or what's another idea that we

[15:08]can do today? Because you're right, a lot of parenting is passing the hours, especially if you're,

[15:15]you know, stuck at home or, you know, churris and I were both staying home parents when our kids

[15:21]were little that there's a lot of hours in the day. And they need you for all of them for a while.

[15:27]So what do you do? What do you do when you have to spend so much time together?

[15:32]I liked your idea of listening to a podcast while you sit next to your kids on the catch while

[15:37]they watch TV. That was a good one. Yep. I never could, you know, there's always those conversations

[15:43]of like, you know, the most hated cartoons. Like, I can't stand to watch this or I'm so annoyed

[15:48]with their voice. I'm like, just popping in your bud. You know, do your own thing. They're not

[15:53]noticing. They don't care. Not to say you shouldn't share in that sometimes and hear what they

[16:00]like to talk about or what they enjoy. But it's okay to do your, to zone out and do your own thing

[16:07]if everybody's safe and happy. Yeah. It's taken me a while to learn all this things and not feel

[16:14]bad about it. And I feel like the pandemic, I don't know about you, but has made me go much easier

[16:20]on myself. Do you feel like, cool? I mean, it's technology and watching TV. I used to be like,

[16:28]30 minutes a day. It's been 28 minutes 30 seconds. It's almost time for it to be over. It's like,

[16:35]why? Why did I care so much? Really? Like, next hour I get sucked and they get sucked and they're

[16:40]happy. I'm happy. What's the dance? Yeah. I mean, they can play. I mean, maybe I should say that.

[16:45]I'm 100% on board with you. That's not something I'm always, you know, because I'm not doing

[16:53]the research. I'm, you know, but in my own life and looking back through history, that we have

[17:00]done this with kids like I saw a thing that they said when when books started becoming more accessible

[17:07]more popular, you know, all the adults were like, can you believe that kid? They're just sitting

[17:11]under a tree and reading all day. They're just so lazy. They're wasting their time. And, you know,

[17:17]now we'd be thrilled if our kids out under a tree and read all day. So I do think that it takes us a

[17:23]while to catch up to current times. And our kids are always ahead of the curve because that's just

[17:31]what they know. And quite frankly, a lot of the video games that they're playing are learning skills,

[17:39]you know, my older son plays with his friends and they have to be cooperative in their building

[17:44]things and they're learning their problem solving. And I don't see a whole lot wrong with that.

[17:50]So yeah, I mean, everything in moderation, right? Just like anything else. Just like it's not the best

[17:58]for us to go, you know, watch Netflix all day every day. But like, we need that downtime. We need

[18:06]that distraction. So our kids are human too, you know, they're little little or versions of us

[18:13]that that also need to be able to tune out and do things to pass the time. It's true. I mean,

[18:19]it used to be that I thought like TV was the worst thing ever. And now if I can just get them off

[18:23]the iPad to watch a show together, that's a victory. Right? Like a family movie is like hitting

[18:30]gold. Like that's like the best I could do as a parent. Although even that has slowed down,

[18:36]which has been sad that like since they're not able to be producing new family movie, like we miss

[18:44]those having that movie night every once in a while. But yeah, there's not really family shows. And

[18:52]I don't blame them. I mean, I also want to watch what I want to watch. So we try to get together

[18:58]every once in a while and, you know, share that. But it doesn't happen as often as maybe it should.

[19:03]The only thing I'll say that I've realized, and I don't even know why we're talking about like TV

[19:08]and technology so much. I don't even know why we've gone off on this stage. The only thing I'll say

[19:14]is like not to rely too much and say like they're fine. They're watching TV alone because I always

[19:22]remind myself like, well, it's so much more fun if I watch TV with my husband than if I watch it

[19:26]alone. Like of course I'm fine either way, but like if I watch sex and sitting with a girlfriend,

[19:32]it's much more fun than watching alone. So it's the same for your kids. It just every so often just

[19:38]go sit and watch with them. And it makes the experience completely different. Like you're

[19:42]doing something together. Anyway, that's my only not every time, but like every so often.

[19:47]Yeah, absolutely. Now, and you're right. I mean, throughout all of this, and especially

[19:53]back to the working from home piece, I mean, you have to do what you have to do. Like

[20:00]That's fine if they, we talk a lot about like making sure they're set up and ready to go before you need to jump on that call or before you need some focus time.

[20:11]But it's okay to use those kind of things. I won last technology piece. I appreciated the one day that my grandma had said to me. She's like, Oh, I think iPads are amazing. She was like, we when I had my kids and they were little.

[20:29]They never went out to eat because it was a nightmare to sit at a restaurant with four little kids. And she's like, if we had iPads, of course, I would have used them and I was like, you are amazing. You just made me feel so much better.

[20:45]You understood that it's a resource. It shouldn't be your only resource, but you know, why not use that from time to time.

[20:55]Yeah, since the pandemic has started. I have not been out to dinner with my kids and I do not miss that at all. You know, I mean, yeah, I don't other things I miss, but trying to manage lots of kids at a restaurant is not one of them.

[21:09]But working from home per your book is also always a challenge. And that was I meant to flag that I'm glad you brought it up that that piece of when they're like, Mom, can you just do this, Mom? Can you just do this?

[21:19]And instead of saying like five more minutes, like let me I just need to finish this first your advice is like just stop.

[21:26]Get them whatever they need essentially and then go back and you'll be less interrupted like take the time upfront. And I know it sounds pretty obvious, but it's very helpful advice.

[21:36]Well, and it's hard because on a day to day basis, we experience that where, you know, everybody wakes up and when your kids are home.

[21:46]Everybody wakes up and they start doing something, you know, like, okay, cool, I can go sit down at my computer and then it's, you know, you might get five to 10 minutes in before they're hungry or they need help with something or they just want to chat with you and check in.

[22:01]And so trying to do that first and I noticed that even when my son was really little that I could just give him my undivided attention, not for hours at a time, I mean only maybe 10 minutes that I'm sure you know, he had food and water that he got to tell me all of his toddler jokes.

[22:27]So that he had been brewing up that we got to kind of connect and laugh together and then explain what I needed to do that there's a reason that I need to step away there's a reason I need to focus there's a reason that I'm not going to be paying attention to you for the next.

[22:46]And I'll help get you set up first and make sure you have something fun to do, but then I have to go do this other thing that's also important.

[22:56]And I think it's hard when we're caught in that that middle ground where we are feeling pulled into many different directions so just trying to create those boundaries a little bit and as your kids get older.

[23:12]Keep them a part of that conversation if keep that connection with them, but also if they're seeing you work from home and seeing all of that like I love that I can have those conversations with my 10 year old, you know about what I'm working on and hear his insight and hear his ideas like it's a fun thing and it's.

[23:34]helpful it's good for him to see what this looks like that, especially since we've been home and they had been doing virtual school this past semester that I'm like, this is what I do when you're in school all day.

[23:49]So I don't just play around and have fun like I work so since you're not at school you're seeing me work and I know that's hard that I'm not 100% available to you.

[24:04]Because when we have that distinction, they would come home from school, I would try to make myself you know 100% available to them for snippets of time so you know it's just it changes it changes every day every week.

[24:19]And you know, we troubleshoot as we go.

[24:24]So having written a whole book about this and having co authored this book, and the first of all, how was it working with somebody else to produce this and how did you do that and then second of all, what advice would you have to other people attempting similar feet.

[24:39]to box, it's your best friend.

[24:42]But, Kerissa, and I have been running a door than parenting dot com for almost four years. Our four year anniversary is two days after book launch, which is fun.

[24:55]But we have been writing together, collaborating together on a daily basis for the last four years.

[25:03]So it really was a surprisingly seamless process that we understood each other's voices and we were able to, we were able to divide and conquer.

[25:15]So it would, you were able to divide and conquer. We were able to divide and conquer. So be like, okay, which of these things do you feel really passionate about that you feel like you could really run with.

[25:27]And we divided up who would start with it. And then the other person would read through it and add their own piece of it. And then that other person would go back through and kind of make sure it all mesh together.

[25:39]And being able to do that one, it's really motivating and it's really nice that when I was burnt out of writing, I could go back through and every but she wrote and sparked some new ideas, but being able to just work seamlessly because she lives in South Carolina. I live in Pennsylvania to be able to work together virtually on the same document in lifetime.

[26:07]It worked well and that's not for everybody. I think you do have to have a similar, we both have a very similar parenting style perspective kind of voice, which obviously makes it easier.

[26:20]You know, if I were writing a book with someone else, I'm sure it would not mesh as well. So yeah, I don't know advice for other people. I do think if you're going to go into something like that.

[26:35]That gets to live on, you know, past when you write it that making sure you have somebody that you work well with because it's not just about getting the words on the page.

[26:46]As you know, there's so much that goes into this. There's so many different elements of getting a book published.

[26:53]And once it's out there in the world, your work is not done. So finding someone that you really trust and that you can collaborate with long term is step one and then the rest should hopefully fall into place.

[27:09]I always wished I had somebody who I could collaborate that well with, but I never want to like take the risk because like what if it doesn't work out.

[27:17]You know, so I'm glad you time tested it for years before you did the book project.

[27:22]Yeah, yeah, and I would, I mean, I would recommend that like what's what are the trial runs. How can you work together on other things before taking that leap because it's hard to find that.

[27:37]It took us both time to figure that out and what that looked like because we're both go gutters. We're both, you know, very rarely both have a lot of our own ideas and ways of doing things.

[27:51]So it's hard to let go of control when you're used to doing things on your own and it just takes time to build that trust.

[28:03]Well, Sherry, thank you so much. Thanks for chatting with me on the podcast. Thanks for all the tips in your book and I am going to keep flipping back through it and finding new things to do for me for them.

[28:15]And I'm really committing to filling in those highlights because I know I'll be glad once I've done it and then I'll know where they are even and it's a great incentive early in the new year to stick to a goal. So thank you for that.

[28:29]Welcome. I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far and yep, you know how to get a hold of me. You need any extra insight or have any questions along the way.

[28:38]Thank you.

[28:40]Thank you.

[28:41]Thank you.

[28:42]Thank you.

[28:43]All right. Bye.

[28:45]And just a reminder again, please pre-order a copy of my book, Moms Don't Have Time to a quarantine anthology and go to my website under the anthology tab for the fundraiser and I hope you'll buy a ticket.

[28:58]And join me for, and I should have mentioned, all proceeds go to COVID-19 research. So please join me for the fundraiser. Thanks so much.

[29:07]Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at zibi Owens and at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.

[29:15]Also sign up for my newsletter at zibi Owens.com and sign up for my virtual book club and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.

[29:22]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan at Texture Sound for the Sound Editing and thank you to Morning Moon Productions for providing this fantastic intro and now trim music.