Abby Freireich and Brian Platzer, TAKING THE STRESS OUT OF HOMEWORK: Organizational, Content-Specific, and Test-Prep Strategies to Help Your Children Help Themselves
[0:01]Hi, this is Vivi Owens, and you're listening to the award-winning podcast,
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[0:34]Okay, now back to this amazing podcast.
[0:38]I did an Instagram live back to school version with Brian Plattzer and Abby Fryrick,
[0:43]about their book taking the stress out of homework, organizational content specific
[0:47]and test prep strategies to help your children help themselves.
[0:50]I'll redo their bios, but I just want to flag that it cuts out after about 12 minutes.
[0:55]But I think you get most of the gist of their book,
[0:57]and this is really fantastic for parents, anybody out there, like me,
[1:02]who is sort of overwhelmed by having all of your own stuff to do,
[1:05]and then tackling kids freaking out about homework.
[1:08]So this is super helpful for how you can help them,
[1:11]and I found it to be incredibly helpful personally.
[1:15]So Abby Fryrick and Brian Plattzer are weekly education columnist for The Atlantic,
[1:19]and have appeared as experts in the New York Times on Good Morning America,
[1:22]CBS, CNN, NPR, the CBC, and elsewhere.
[1:26]They both are classroom teachers, tutors, parents, recipients of master's degrees,
[1:31]and the co-authors of taking the stress out of homework.
[1:33]In addition, they are the co-founders and directors of teachers who tutor New York City's
[1:37]only tutoring organization that pairs students with classroom teachers.
[1:40]And now I'm wondering if maybe I read that already during the Instagram live,
[1:45]but if I did, then you just get to hear even more bio about that.
[1:48]Enjoy.
[1:49]Hi, everybody.
[1:50]I'm here today with some special guests on this IG Live.
[1:54]This is Brian Plattzer and Abby Fryrick.
[1:56]Is that right?
[1:57]Brian, yeah.
[1:57]Fryrick, okay.
[1:58]And they wrote, taking the stress out of homework, which I'm going to show you up close.
[2:02]Taking the stress out of homework, Abby Fryrick and Brian Plattzer,
[2:07]you definitely need this book at the start of school,
[2:10]and they are going to tell you all about it.
[2:12]And I hope you can hear us.
[2:13]So if you can't hear, put something in the comments, and I can barely see it.
[2:17]But anyway, taking the stress out of homework, so Brian,
[2:20]I interviewed last year for his novel, The Body Project.
[2:24]Good to see you all again.
[2:25]And they are both teachers and they're going to tell you about a little bit more
[2:28]about themselves and they're amazing tutoring business,
[2:31]which I'm sure someone out there is going to need a tutor soon.
[2:34]So this will be a big marketing play for them.
[2:38]Thank you so much.
[2:39]So it's thrilling to be with you in person after talking to you last time.
[2:43]We are both educators.
[2:45]I currently teach 8th and 12th grade in downtown Manhattan.
[2:49]Abby taught for a long time, and she'll tell you about that.
[2:53]And we run New York's only tutoring company,
[2:56]where all the tutors are professional classroom teachers.
[2:58]So it's called Teachers Tutor, and we work with students from kindergarten,
[3:03]up to 12th grade, and all subjects, executive function, et cetera.
[3:07]And we wrote this book, taking the stress out of homework,
[3:10]because for all of you folks out there who don't have access for tutors
[3:15]or who find yourself alone with your kids struggling to know what to do and how to do it
[3:19]and when to do it and how to talk to them so they don't scream at you
[3:21]and how to actually be helpful and set up students to become autonomous independent learners,
[3:27]we wanted to create a how-to manual essentially.
[3:30]And taking the stress out of homework is that manual.
[3:33]Someone is asking in the chat, by the way.
[3:35]Who is the girl in the white shirt?
[3:37]Oh, that's amazing.
[3:39]Sorry.
[3:40]That's very flattering.
[3:42]So I'm Abby Fryrake, Brian and I talk together for years in New York City.
[3:48]I talk third and fourth grades, and I now tutor and have tutored for the past almost 20 years now.
[3:54]Kindergarteners through 12th graders really across subjects.
[3:57]And Brian and I saw a need to create a tutoring organization comprised of teachers,
[4:02]so there's actually educators working with students.
[4:05]And to write this book, taking the stress out of homework, which has a whole new kind of meaning
[4:09]during COVID when parents for the last year and a half have really become sort of on the front lines,
[4:16]teachers at home while the teachers are teaching them remotely for those of us who had kids learning at home.
[4:23]But we really really take the stress out of homework to help understand or to help make clear to all parents
[4:29]the process of how to educate your kids really from an organization standpoint that can then help with content across subjects.
[4:39]Well, when I heard that this was the title of your book, I think that I was in the midst of an American history study session with my daughter,
[4:47]and I had been helping her by, we make review sheets together because that's how I used to learn myself.
[4:53]And so I've been trying to teach her my ways, which half the time she's like, no, thank you, and sometimes she thinks work.
[4:59]And sometimes I draw little pictures.
[5:01]It's great.
[5:02]Okay, this is the boat.
[5:04]She's like, what's that?
[5:05]Like, that's the war.
[5:06]That's like the dead person.
[5:08]Anyway, I know there are better ways than the way that I have been doing it.
[5:10]And I'm trying to make sure of the dead person.
[5:12]I mean, every time I do that, I really do.
[5:14]Absolutely.
[5:15]I think so much of what happens nowadays is that kids are trying to learn everything that's virtually.
[5:21]So everybody's book again while they're taking this dress out of homework.
[5:25]This is what we're talking about.
[5:27]Kids are trying to do everything through technology and parents are like, wait, you have to do this the way I did.
[5:33]You know, way back when in 1850.
[5:35]And it's sort of a combination of those two pieces working together.
[5:39]So what we really set out to do is to give parents a roadmap in terms of study skills.
[5:44]So for example, one of the most important things that all of our students really need to learn how to do whether they are in fourth grade.
[5:50]or 10th grade is to back plan and to organize.
[5:54]So if there is a test two weeks away, a lot of kids on Thursday, we'll start studying for a test on Friday.
[6:00]And then we'll become high drama and meltdowns and kids saying, I can't do this.
[6:05]And it's system overload.
[6:07]But so much of this time of year is thinking about how can we set up frameworks to help our kids be successful.
[6:13]So to really back plan and to say, okay, if there's a test in a couple of weeks, we're going to,
[6:18]I'm Monday start by reading over the material and Tuesday we'll break it down into different parts.
[6:24]And then really cumulatively review the material so that it isn't just the night before where kids open the book for the first time.
[6:32]Interesting.
[6:33]So how involved should parents be in their kids homework?
[6:37]That is an excellent question.
[6:38]So I think it really depends on the child and it depends on the parent.
[6:42]In general, what I would say is the role of parents is to help support their kids.
[6:47]And so it's not parents homework, often parents, you know, we care so much about our kids.
[6:51]We want them to be successful.
[6:53]So, you know, you can watch your kids make a mistake.
[6:55]And it's okay for them to make that mistake.
[6:58]You don't have to, you know, you should never put pencil to paper or fingers to keyboard.
[7:02]You should always, you know, help support your child over here she is.
[7:06]So if you see that they really don't understand the concept,
[7:09]you can certainly ask them a question to help clarify that you should never just tell them the answers.
[7:14]And if you have a child who's feeling anxious, what you might do is say,
[7:17]you know, why don't you put a star in your homework and ask your teacher or write a note there and ask them in the morning.
[7:23]So it's really to help your kids learn to advocate for themselves rather than have them feel that you're being critical
[7:29]or doubting their abilities because that's when homework can kind of become a tricky and tense area.
[7:35]I think especially in middle school.
[7:37]And we're also big believers in that one size really does not fit all.
[7:41]You know, one of what we want to make clear in the book is that we're giving out, you know, dozens of strategies when it comes to organization
[7:48]or writing an essay or planning for a math test and chances are your kids can roll their eyes at some of them.
[7:54]You know, where they're going to push back at some, they're going to say it doesn't make sense.
[7:57]But if one or two or three stick and then become part of the process that's really all we're looking for,
[8:03]we also believe that when it comes to parental involvement being involved in the early side,
[8:08]in terms of organization creating systems, that's really when parental help can be the most beneficial.
[8:14]Because if you can create a world where students, you know,
[8:18]from fourth grade, third grade all the way up through 12th and then college,
[8:22]get accustomed to writing checklists and everything they need to do for that night.
[8:26]To then adding to those checklists, the back planning that Abby was talking about earlier,
[8:31]then maybe creating a calendar where they can see for that month, you know, what needs to be done when
[8:36]you had a prioritized certain assignments now or to take care of the more intimidating tasks earlier on.
[8:43]And once all of that is internalized by the student, the actual doing of the work becomes a lot less stressful
[8:49]and a lot less, you know, leading to the antagonism.
[8:52]As opposed to if you leave it to the last minute and then the lab report is due tomorrow,
[8:55]when you sit down with your kid and you're like, why do you do the lab report?
[8:58]I don't know why I didn't do the lab report and that's when it's just not going to work out.
[9:02]So we are big believers in parental involvement in terms of modeling the best ways to deal with tasks,
[9:10]you know, that start to overflow, creating systems that can be implemented,
[9:14]and then only getting involved when students come to their parents and say, you know,
[9:20]like, do you mind looking this over for me or if I could have another eye on this or I'm struggling with math,
[9:25]do you mind anything more can feel more detrimental to the process than beneficial?
[9:31]It's like taking me back to college.
[9:34]Just showing the book one more time, taking this dress, Adam homework, everybody needs this book.
[9:39]Like in college, I used to have so much work.
[9:42]I feel like that I would make timelines every night, like five to eleven or something.
[9:47]Like five to five thirty this and then take a break and then this and then dinner and like I used to write it all out.
[9:52]It's ridiculous.
[9:53]It's a great way to do it.
[9:55]It's ridiculous for some people and absolutely necessary for others, you know.
[10:00]because where some students, if they don't write that list,
[10:04]then they do all the fun stuff first.
[10:06]They write the emails to friends,
[10:07]or they buy the new soccer cleats on Amazon,
[10:10]and then maybe they know they're good at math,
[10:12]so they do the math.
[10:12]And then it's 11 o'clock,
[10:14]and they still haven't started that history term paper,
[10:16]and they have a panic attack in this terror,
[10:18]where if they don't have that list, it's all chaotic.
[10:22]If you do have a list,
[10:23]you can then know yourself well enough
[10:25]to manage how to check those items off,
[10:28]and it's fun to check items off.
[10:30]The sense of accomplishment is part of the dorky pleasure
[10:35]that you need to imbue homework,
[10:38]and step things away.
[10:39]I might start doing this again.
[10:41]I think it's a very nice idea.
[10:43]Yeah, absolutely.
[10:44]In one of the hours of email,
[10:45]an hour of writing,
[10:46]and it has to be such a whiteboard fetishist.
[10:48]I know. I love whiteboards.
[10:50]I was actually going to talk.
[10:51]It's true.
[10:52]I'm really good on whiteboards.
[10:53]I actually have a big adhesive post-it whiteboard
[10:56]right in our kitchen,
[10:58]where we write down like what there's certain things
[11:00]that my husband and I are,
[11:02]the kids have to remember.
[11:03]We all have expo markers and we write it down.
[11:05]It can be really,
[11:06]it's a great way to sort of figure out
[11:08]what needs to be done into how to be visible,
[11:10]because one of the challenges that kids have now
[11:12]is that planners, so many of them are online,
[11:15]or the school assignments, et cetera, online.
[11:17]So when it's just in a computer,
[11:19]and you open it up on an iPad,
[11:20]and it's kind of out of sight out of mind,
[11:22]but when kids write it down,
[11:23]they can really internalize,
[11:24]what is it that I have to do to get from point A
[11:26]to point B?
[11:28]And in addition, as Brian was saying,
[11:30]what's so important in terms of prioritizing
[11:32]and figuring out what the task are,
[11:33]is to start with what's hardest first,
[11:35]which is so counterintuitive for kids.
[11:37]They just want to do the fun thing first,
[11:39]but actually, they have the most energy earlier in the day.
[11:42]So they should say it's sort of like,
[11:44]dessert you eat after dinner,
[11:46]or you eat your vegetables first,
[11:47]it's the same thing with whatever's easiest
[11:49]they should do last instead of first.
[11:51]And by making a list of what they have to do each night,
[11:54]on a whiteboard or whatever is visible,
[11:56]it's the easiest way for them to kind of just number
[11:59]the tasks starting with whatever's hardest first.
[12:02]And although it might be counterintuitive,
[12:03]that feeling of relief we see
[12:05]in especially middle school and high school kids,
[12:08]when they do finish the lab report,
[12:11]if that's the most intimidating task,
[12:13]it's just so profound and it's like,
[12:16]they get to them relax and do all the fun stuff,
[12:18]but knowing in the back of their head,
[12:20]they're still this task of a head,
[12:21]that they're dreading, that it's intimidating,
[12:24]that it's awful at the end,
[12:25]it makes the rest of those hours miserable,
[12:27]where if they can take care of the harder thing
[12:30]in the beginning, then the rest of their time
[12:32]feels more they're all,
[12:33]and then something scary they're working towards.
[12:36]Right, and the idea is that homework is kind of like,
[12:38]and miniature supposed to set kids up
[12:40]for what they're going to encounter as adults, right?
[12:42]Where all of us have multiple responsibilities
[12:45]or tasks that we have to accomplish,
[12:47]and we have to figure out,
[12:48]we have X amount of time,
[12:50]how are we going to accomplish this set of goals?
[12:53]And so the idea is for parents,
[12:55]is to help your kids figure out how to do that
[12:57]and to make the process explicit
[13:00]so that they can then feel confident
[13:03]in managing tasks both as kids,
[13:05]and when they become older too.
[13:07]So there is a point to homework.
[13:08]Yes, there is indeed a point of always wondering.
[13:11]Yeah, I'm learning memorizing dates
[13:13]or that kind of road information.
[13:14]It's actually the process of having to figure out
[13:18]how to manage multiple assignments
[13:20]when you have a soccer practice
[13:22]or a drama rehearsal or all these various responsibilities
[13:26]how to put it all together and make it work.
[13:28]Not because you're right.
[13:29]I mean, homework for the sake of homework is abusive.
[13:32]Like it's just awful.
[13:34]You know, everybody still remembers their own teachers
[13:37]or their kids' teachers who are like,
[13:39]really, like we need to do 100 sample problems
[13:42]when just like to give the sense that my class is hard,
[13:45]that's useless homework.
[13:48]Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms.
[13:50]Don't have time to read books.
[13:51]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram,
[13:54]at Zibi Owens and at Moms.
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[14:03]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan.
[14:05]In fact, texture sound for the sound editing.
[14:07]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[14:09]for providing this fantastic intro and out trim music.