Alyssa Milano, SORRY NOT SORRY
[0:01]Hi, I'm Sivi Owens, and you're listening to the award-winning podcast,
[0:05]Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[0:07]If you like this podcast, you will love my new anthology called Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[0:12]Check it out, and you'll hear from 49 authors about all sorts of things
[0:16]Moms Don't Have Time to Do. All the authors have been on this podcast.
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[0:22]My other podcast, Sex Talk with Sivi and Tracy.
[0:25]Check out Moms Don't Have Time to Write on Medium.
[0:28]And, of course, my new publishing company called Sivi Books.
[0:32]And now, back to our daily author interview site and a quick hello from some of my kids.
[0:37]Hi, hi, hello.
[0:38]Enjoy the show.
[0:41]If you like this podcast, you will love my new anthology called Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[0:47]Here's a little snippet by one of the authors from the anthology.
[0:51]Hi, my name is Art and Marine, and I am thrilled to have contributed to Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[0:58]My essay is called, I Am the Writer.
[1:02]And what I really don't have time for is sleep, which is a drag because I love to sleep,
[1:09]but there's just so many things that I have to get done in the day,
[1:14]and that I am enjoying doing right now.
[1:17]So I hope you guys get some sleep, and I can't wait for you to read this amazing book.
[1:22]Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[1:24]Melissa Milano is the author of Sorry Not Sorry.
[1:28]She has spent almost her entire life in the public eye and is an actor, producer, designer, philanthropist, and humanitarian.
[1:35]Alyssa currently stars in Insatiable for the streaming giant Netflix as Coralee, the social climbing wife of a disgraced lawyer slash beauty pageant coach.
[1:43]Prior to that, she was seen in their hit series, Wet Hot American Summer 10 years later, opposite Amy Poehler, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Ian Black, and Judith Friedlander.
[1:52]She recently completed the independent feature, Little Italy, a modern-day Romeo and Juliet story, where love blossoms between members of two passionate Italian families, locked in a bitter rivalry over who has the best pizzeria.
[2:03]Alyssa also served as the host and a judge on Lifetime's project Runway All Stars, alongside judges, Isaac Mizrahi and Georgina Chapman.
[2:11]She entered the world of graphic novels with activist, a fast-paced cyber thriller that follows the young founders of an innovative social media company, who moonlight as a secret black hat hacker team.
[2:21]The CW is developing a drama series adaptation of Hechtivist.
[2:25]In addition to her deal with the CW, she has a first-look production deal with CBS and TV studios, and I actually already had a listen-lotto on my podcast.
[2:33]I think it was last summer.
[2:34]So this is her second time, and I learned all sorts of new stuff and we had a really fun time.
[2:38]So enjoy.
[2:39]Welcome, Alyssa.
[2:41]Thank you so much for coming back on Mom's and her time to read books to discuss.
[2:45]Sorry, not sorry.
[2:46]Yes, I'm so happy to be here.
[2:47]Thank you for having me.
[2:49]No, it's my pleasure.
[2:51]How did you decide on the outfit for this cover?
[2:53]This is the least important question ever, and we're going to get into the nitty-gritty of really important topics, but you know, just wondering.
[3:01]The picture was actually from a photo session that I did for...
[3:06]I think it was for the Washington Post, and so we used it because it's kind of perfect for that.
[3:13]But yeah, it was just my leather jacket that I had.
[3:16]We shot the hood.
[3:17]You did the photo session at a hotel in New York while I was doing press for other things.
[3:22]And I was like, oh, I'm going to just put all my black jeans in my leather jacket, and there's the picture.
[3:28]So there it is.
[3:29]It has kind of turned into my activism picture.
[3:32]Yes, activism uniform or something.
[3:34]I love it.
[3:35]It's really cool.
[3:36]All right.
[3:37]Well, you have so many ideas in this book about just basically everything going on in the world right now.
[3:41]You have just still down and have an opinion and a strong point of view about which is amazing.
[3:47]And you write it really clearly too, which is awesome.
[3:49]A lot of help from the editors because...
[3:52]Really?
[3:53]Because some of the issues that I talk about are can be incredibly not only complex and have a lot of moving parts, but also have a lot of feeling behind it.
[4:05]And so it was trying to balance that line of giving a lot of myself because I wanted to give the readers a glimpse into who I am.
[4:19]But also to be historically correct and to push the envelope in a way that I feel like needed to be pushed.
[4:28]I found it really, you know, there was this groundswell of support or encouragement by your use of repetition.
[4:36]Right, particularly like in the first one where you're you're just saying like what's messed up.
[4:41]I'm not sure if I can curse it.
[4:42]It's my own show.
[4:43]I don't even know if I can curse on it or not.
[4:45]But you know, we have to actually kind of stop being an apologetically upped up.
[4:49]Yeah.
[4:50]But you said like this is an example and here's why.
[4:52]And this is an example and here's why.
[4:53]And even later when you're talking about men and what was the phrase used all the time.
[4:57]The sickness and men, right? The sickness and men is this is the sickness because of this tweet.
[5:01]This is because of that.
[5:02]And like it's like an inculcation, right?
[5:05]Of like trying to reverse indoctrination, if you will.
[5:09]So tell me about tell me about that and how did you harness all of these feelings and like tell me about the writing and the passion and all of that.
[5:17]I think the really a cool thing for me was this, you know, I've written books before,
[5:22]but this format was a lot more aligned with how I normally feel good about my writing.
[5:30]You know, because I write up ads, right?
[5:33]That's what I've been doing for the past, you know, five years.
[5:37]And I've been published in every year from the New York Times to the Washington Post to CNN opinion pieces.
[5:45]And I think for me to be able to take a topic and really emerge myself in, you know, those five or six pages rather than an entire book allowed me to give issues time to to breathe, but also to like to move away from them quickly.
[6:07]So I think there's just a, I don't know if you could tell while you were reading it, but I'm doing, I'm recording the audio book right now.
[6:16]And there is like this gradual slow, you know, rise to almost hysteria.
[6:27]You know, and I think in the sickness of men is a good, you know, sort of middle place where you go, oh, okay, this is going to start getting deep, you know, but also just things that I'm so passionate about like my family, you know, and to be able to write a book about like activism plus my personal life.
[6:50]I really felt like the essay format really lent itself to both of those things.
[6:58]So yeah, it was, it was really fun.
[7:00]And you know, and people talk a lot about like it was so cathartic, you know, to go re-examine my life.
[7:07]And I wouldn't say it was cathartic because a lot of it is, it's tough, you know, to go back and take inventory of why you are who you are.
[7:16]People say that, you know, we talk a lot about right now trying to find, especially in my family, but also like with my therapist and we talk a lot about trying to find the blessings in this time in history.
[7:34]I know it feels so heavy and it feels so completely out of control, our control.
[7:43]And this book and being able to write it without, you know, having to leave the house to go pick up the kids from school or whatever, whatever it was to be able to write it in a concentrated way when there is not much else going on was great.
[8:02]So that's, that's one of the things I come back to when I think about this, this really chaotic time, this chaotic time in history, this politically, this chaotic time, just in public health, in global health, and even in, you know, international relations.
[8:22]Yeah, so to be able to do that was to, it was really a blessing and very, like when I think about the things that I'm glad, you know, I have gratitude toward.
[8:33]It's that I had this time to be able to really focus on this book and make it something that I wanted, you know, to share.
[8:41]It was a process though. I mean, it was definitely a process. It was writing and then rewriting and then, you know, going back through and then getting notes from my editor and rewriting and, you know, it's interesting because some of the essays came really easy.
[8:58]And then others, you know, I knew what I wanted to say, I knew what was important to say.
[9:05]But it was, and I think a lot of this might sound crazy, but I think a lot of this is because in the past five years or whatever, I've worked with so many organizations and advocacy groups about the issues that were going on in our country.
[9:21]That I had to remind myself how I felt about them because so often when you work with these groups, they're sending you talking points to build your tweet around or your, you know, the way in which you speak to these things.
[9:39]And so it was an interesting exercise to sort of throw all of that away and really just figure out like what do I want to say right now about this.
[9:50]So yeah, I'm really, really proud of it. And as I'm doing the audio book right now, you know, it's, it's spurring even more ideas.
[10:00]Like, you know, I thought the other day I was like, I should take some of these chapters and do them on stage.
[10:07]Like as a performance, like a one woman show, you know, because they are, it really, the book is really like a timestamp, you know, when you look back, when you read this book 20 years from now, you're really going to get a glimpse of exactly where we are or were as a country.
[10:28]I was just talking to somebody right before I was going to do this and they were asking me two questions and first she was like, oh, well, she must have had a ghostwriter, right? And I was like, oh no, I don't think so.
[10:38]This was, I think this was all her, which by the way, I might have made up, but I was like, not that I know you that well after one other podcast in a read, but I was like, this sounds, this is so much someone's voice, like you can't make this up.
[10:48]Yeah, no, I did not have a ghostwriter, but I did have a lot of help for my editor and gotten books and they were, they were incredible, but I think you could tell it's my voice.
[11:00]Yeah, I could, I mean, yes.
[11:02]And it's consistent, right? And I think what you were talking about before about just repetition and maybe why as I'm reading this for, you know, recording it,
[11:17]I think the inspiration where I was like, this would be a great like monologue to do on stage is because of that repetition because there is something.
[11:27]rhythmic, yes, out. And it's almost like, you know, some of them read as if I was at a protest. Yes, right? Like that would be a stump speech, you know, or, you know, some speaking somewhere about something that I believe in, but I, I write very, very much,
[11:47]rhythmically. So much so. Here's an interesting thing. I wrote a pilot script and my dad's a pretty famous music editor for films.
[11:58]And I sent him, I did this mood board on Instagram and I sent him, I sent him the mood board and I said, you know, just take a look at this if there's any type of music that you think would be a great companion for these visuals, you know, just send it my way.
[12:15]And he sent me this amazing Icelandic group. And as I pressed play, I just started reading the script and the inflection in the script is inflection in the music that he sent me.
[12:31]And I think, you know, I'm a very big believer that everything like synchronicity is a real thing and everything has a rhythm, right? Like, you know, when you're in your car and there's a song playing and maybe it's raining and then all of a sudden the windshield wipers start, you know, wiping in the same rhythm that the song is in.
[12:53]Like, I think everything has a rhythm. So for me, I think in writing and writing the book in those moments where I am using a phrase over and over.
[13:05]It's a call back to my days, you know, protesting and being on a stage, but also it's just I write rhythmically. So for me, that is the rhythm.
[13:16]I love it. Take it to the stage. Yeah, it would be cool, right? I don't know. It would be totally cool. I would have to find, I'd have to find another writer to really sort of, you know, yeah, make it for the stage, but I think it could be really interesting.
[13:32]I'm sure there are people who would be dying to do that job. Yeah, it could be really interesting and an interesting way to express what I've written in a different format that still allows for me to be me.
[13:50]You know, I say to, you know, I've written, this is like my sixth book that I've written. And I always say to the publishers and like, can we please, please try to find a different way to sell this book other than going and doing signings at a bookstore or, you know, readings at whatever.
[14:15]It's just, it'd be first of all, I'm dyslexic second of all, I have social disorder. Like it'd be in, you know, a small bookstore and sign hundreds of all.
[14:27]It just makes me nervous, but also like the dyslexia and having to read an excerpt for like, I don't know, Barnes and Noble and front of hundreds of people makes me so nervous. So I'm always like, how can we do something interesting with this book?
[14:44]You know, I actually just announced that I started my own publishing company and it's actually counter act to like some of these very things that you're saying and like how can we do things differently?
[14:54]And there must be better ways and all these complaints, not complaints, but just, you know, things that could be optimized by so many people like you and that I found the podcast. So I'm trying to do it.
[15:06]I wish you all the luck, you deserve it.
[15:11]It's also like, it's such a weird when you think about how writers are mostly incredibly introverted and very complex in their thinking and their ability to communicate.
[15:24]And the fact that like we've decided that going into a bookstore and signing autographs would be conducive and show them in the best light.
[15:32]It doesn't really, you're right. It doesn't really sync up.
[15:36]I feel like especially post COVID. I mean, I also have a lot of anxiety and now it's like found new ways to manifest itself, which is lovely.
[15:44]And I discovered them every day. So I'm like really having a hard time being in crowds after being so much time in my room in my house and all that.
[15:53]I didn't love crowds to begin with.
[15:55]No, I never liked it.
[15:57]Now, literally I had like a panic attack the other day. I was like crying. I was like, this is ridiculous.
[16:01]This is I can't like I have to get through the street and like I have to travel like it's school and like it's not even like I don't know if it's the same for you.
[16:10]I just feel like even being in like party type situations like I'm so drained.
[16:15]Like I have to like, you know, recuperate for so long afterwards now.
[16:20]You know, I mean, Emmy weekend is coming up. So I have, you know, the list of parties that I've been invited to and, you know, my husband's he owns his own managerial company now.
[16:32]And so he kind of has to go to those parties.
[16:35]And I don't know. I just feel like I paid my dues like I've done it now for 40 years. Like maybe I get to just stay home and be healthy.
[16:45]You know, but the whole kids in school thing.
[16:49]Oh my gosh. It is so it is so nerve wracking.
[16:54]And you know, I talked to my therapist quite a bit and I really want to destigmatize the whole mental health aspect because I think it's really important right now that we
[17:04]not only take care of ourselves, but have someone to talk to that's not, but doesn't feel burdened with our, you know, our quirks and the things that make us special.
[17:15]But he was like, his name is James and he was like, you know, you're doing well. And I said, yeah, and I don't really understand why.
[17:25]And he said, Oh, I know. He's like, because everyone else is operating at the same frequency that you usually operate like so you can go like see what I mean.
[17:37]Yeah, told you something that's for years.
[17:41]And now we're all there together, you know, in this, in this place of panic and hysteria. So yeah, but I have been, I think because there's like my anxiety disorder has so often been about feeling something physically and then piping in why I feel this way because, of course, I feel this way because I
[18:05]I haven't, you know, had a second to myself or whatever or I feel this way because it's going to rain tomorrow, it's going to rain. And that is giving me my anxiety and my chat, you know, whatever it is, we just plug in mental reasons for the physical manifestations.
[18:21]And I just can't like, there's enough to be like substantially upset about now. So I'm not plugging in any like false emotions to echo material.
[18:34]Like just go into the supermarket. I went to the supermarket the other day and I'm in the produce section and I, you know, someone was wearing a mask and they pulled down the mask to sneeze and cough all over the tomatoes.
[18:53]And I was like, oh God, just slowly back like, like, like, what, like, what do you do in that moment where you're just, I just wanted to go just keep your mask on if you're going to sneeze on the tomatoes like just keep the mask on.
[19:09]You know, so at least sneeze on like the package goods or processed or product yet, but not the front, you know, if you're tomatoes.
[19:19]Like, and I'm Italian, that's outrageous. You know, sneeze on tomatoes for the grand grand of the grand of ancestors.
[19:31]Oh my gosh. But it is really, it is really something and.
[19:35]Well, no, I was so, I was so happy to see in your book that you talk about anxiety and how you felt about it and even your experience with COVID and just all that stuff that so many people are feeling now.
[19:46]It's just, you know, in the midst of your, it's almost like you were like a minister or something right getting up and giving like a sermon or a speech or something about it.
[19:54]Yet then we get these like glimpses into like what's behind that and that was very almost comforting in a way.
[20:00]in the midst of your justified rage at so many things
[20:04]that's going on.
[20:05]So anyway, I thought it was such a nice balance
[20:07]that you struck.
[20:08]Yeah, that was the challenge of writing this book
[20:11]because I didn't want it to be like me getting up
[20:14]on my soapbox and preaching how people should feel.
[20:17]I do give, I always give sermons,
[20:19]but it's more about like this is where I am right now.
[20:22]And I don't know, come with me if you're also on that journey
[20:26]and if not, you can be trolley and trolley on the internet.
[20:29]Like, it is what it is, you know?
[20:33]Yeah.
[20:34]Well, this is amazing.
[20:35]So aside from turning this into a one woman show,
[20:38]like what are you, and knowing the constraints
[20:41]of like what makes all of us want to have panic decks
[20:44]or whatever, what are the plans for like how you can promote
[20:48]this book?
[20:48]Have you come up with anything?
[20:50]I think do a lot of virtual things.
[20:52]I mean, I just signed a going to say 2,500 books.
[20:57]Oh, my Lord.
[20:58]It took me, it took me six days.
[21:01]Oh, my gosh.
[21:02]I don't even understand honestly autographs.
[21:04]I don't understand it.
[21:07]Yeah.
[21:08]I don't, why is it so great?
[21:09]I mean, I had so much rather like take a picture
[21:12]like I don't know have a conversation or I don't know
[21:14]that the, anyway, I think that probably goes,
[21:19]there's probably some interesting history
[21:22]about the autographs.
[21:24]Yeah, you want to look that up.
[21:26]That's a good point.
[21:27]Yeah, I bet there is some kind of,
[21:29]because I remember being little, like little little
[21:33]and having an autograph book.
[21:35]Oh, my kids at Disney World, they like run around like-
[21:37]Yeah, that's what I was just seeing people.
[21:39]Hey, that's exactly what I was just going to say is
[21:41]I would take, you know, my little autograph book
[21:44]and when we'd go to Disneyland, I would get Mickey's autograph
[21:47]and, you know, Snow White, I remember she kissed one
[21:50]of the pages with her red lipstick
[21:52]and I do that sometimes, like if I'm wearing lipstick,
[21:55]like I'll, I'll, I'm just like, you know,
[21:57]Snow White, I just, I kissed a page where I signed it
[22:02]because that has got to be more interesting, I think.
[22:05]There must be some parody where like people are like
[22:07]licking autograph pages.
[22:09]Yeah, you're like taking it to like a full-on excuse me.
[22:11]Using it as toilet paper, like some ridiculous things.
[22:15]Thank you, thank you so much.
[22:17]Yeah, great.
[22:18]Yeah, I don't know, I don't know what that is,
[22:20]but, you know, I am going to try very hard to push myself
[22:28]to do some in-person events too
[22:30]because I really believe in the book.
[22:32]Yeah, well, I think a smaller, you know, in smaller settings,
[22:36]it can be powerful to connect with authors and readers
[22:40]and it's amazing.
[22:41]And outside.
[22:42]And if we can figure out a way to do it outside a bookstore.
[22:48]Yeah, that's true.
[22:50]Well, I have to warn you before you come, New York is
[22:52]really crowded right now.
[22:53]All of a sudden, they're like, I mean,
[22:56]I don't know, last year was like empty here
[22:58]and now it's just, it's hard, it's just really crowded.
[23:01]I think that's good.
[23:03]I think that's good.
[23:03]It's probably good for the city.
[23:05]You know, my family who still lives in Brooklyn,
[23:09]they have been talking about how sad New York seems
[23:14]and how the buzz that was, you know, so prominent
[23:19]and such a huge part of New York's identity
[23:22]didn't feel that way anymore.
[23:23]So maybe what you're feeling is that
[23:26]maybe that's coming back a little bit.
[23:29]Yeah.
[23:30]And I think we need to celebrate that.
[23:31]You're right.
[23:32]I will reframe.
[23:33]I'm going to take James's advice through you.
[23:35]Yes.
[23:36]Okay.
[23:38]I'll get it.
[23:39]I can send you, you know, a little piece of the bill
[23:41]or something like that.
[23:43]Okay.
[23:43]Excellent.
[23:45]Anyway.
[23:46]Okay, do you have any advice for aspiring authors?
[23:48]Right every day.
[23:50]Just right.
[23:51]It doesn't matter about like what you write about.
[23:54]It doesn't matter if you're working on a specific project
[23:57]just right.
[23:58]And then the other thing I would say is,
[24:01]is don't be afraid to put a lot of yourself in the book.
[24:08]Even if it's not a memoir or a book of essays
[24:11]about how you feel, even if it's a total, you know,
[24:16]fiction story, what will set it apart
[24:19]from the other authors in the other books
[24:22]is that there's part of you in there?
[24:24]Yeah.
[24:25]It's just to be patient.
[24:26]It takes a lot of patience to be a writer.
[24:28]It really does.
[24:29]Because the process is,
[24:30]process is not immediate, right?
[24:33]It's kind of like being a parent.
[24:34]Yeah.
[24:35]Right.
[24:36]Like you put in the work
[24:38]and then you hope for the rest.
[24:39]You hope it'll turn out okay.
[24:40]But sometimes you have to throw it out.
[24:42]I don't know what that equivalent would be.
[24:43]But you can't throw it in your children.
[24:47]Not advocating.
[24:49]Maybe you try a parenting technique
[24:51]that someone else said was good
[24:53]and it's a total disaster.
[24:54]And then you move on,
[24:55]but you have to try it to get to where you, you know,
[24:57]feel better.
[24:58]Yeah.
[24:59]Yeah.
[25:00]I love that your books behind you are color-coordinated.
[25:03]Yes.
[25:04]Well, you're welcome to come when you're in New York.
[25:06]You can come hang out.
[25:07]That is so cool.
[25:08]I need to do that with my books.
[25:10]I did it.
[25:11]After COVID, I took every book in this whole room
[25:13]and put it on the floor and redid it.
[25:15]It's awesome.
[25:16]Yeah.
[25:16]I don't know.
[25:17]I love it.
[25:18]Awesome.
[25:19]All right.
[25:20]Well, and if you ever want to talk more about the publishing
[25:21]stuff and
[25:22]yeah, some love to hear about whatever.
[25:24]You know, we launched on Monday.
[25:27]And it's pretty exciting right now.
[25:28]And we have a great team of people
[25:30]and wiring books and stuff.
[25:32]So I want to help people, you know,
[25:34]get their books in the world and the best ways for them too.
[25:36]So I love that you're doing that.
[25:39]So awesome.
[25:41]Thank you.
[25:41]And needed, you know,
[25:43]to continue to do something one way doesn't mean it's the right way.
[25:47]It's just it's one way of doing it.
[25:49]So the fact that you're able to, yeah, let's,
[25:52]let's totally set up a zoom where we can,
[25:55]you can fill me in.
[25:56]Perfect.
[25:57]Love to.
[25:58]Okay.
[25:59]Awesome.
[26:00]All right.
[26:01]Thank you.
[26:01]And we have support.
[26:02]I really appreciate you.
[26:03]I'm talking about the phone.
[26:04]Go, of course.
[26:05]Now I have to go find myself a jacket.
[26:06]I take care.
[26:09]All right.
[26:10]Take care.
[26:11]Thanks for listening to this episode of moms.
[26:13]Don't have time to read books.
[26:15]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram,
[26:17]at Zebioans and at moms.
[26:19]Don't have time to read books.
[26:20]Also sign up for my newsletter at zebioans.com
[26:23]and sign up for my virtual book club
[26:24]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.
[26:27]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan.
[26:28]Heck, texture sound for the sound editing.
[26:31]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[26:33]for providing this fantastic intro and outro music.