Zibby Owens, MOMS DON'T HAVE TIME TO HAVE KIDS: A Timeless Anthology
[0:01]Hi, I'm Sivi Owens, and you're listening to the award-winning podcast,
[0:05]Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[0:07]If you like this podcast, you will love my new anthology called Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[0:12]Check it out, and you'll hear from 49 authors about all sorts of things
[0:16]Moms Don't Have Time to Do. All the authors have been on this podcast.
[0:19]Also, check out my TikTok at with Sivi and Tracy.
[0:22]My other podcast, Sex Talk with Sivi and Tracy.
[0:25]Check out Moms Don't Have Time to Write on Medium.
[0:28]And, of course, my new publishing company called Sivi Books.
[0:32]And now, back to our daily author interview site and a quick hello from some of my kids.
[0:37]Hi, hi, hello.
[0:38]Enjoy the show.
[0:41]If you like this podcast, you will love my new anthology called Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[0:47]Here's a little snippet by one of the authors from the anthology.
[0:50]My name is Alyssa Friedland, and I'm thrilled to have contributed to Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[0:57]My essay is called I Die It, Therefore I Am.
[1:00]And what I really don't have time for is binge watching TV.
[1:04]The editor of today's anthology is me, Sivi Owens.
[1:07]The anthology Moms Don't Have Time to Have Kids.
[1:10]A timeless anthology is 49 authors writing 53 essays on topics that Moms Don't Have Time to Do.
[1:17]Things like getting sick, seeing friends, writing, losing weight, and of course, sleeping.
[1:22]You'll hear from me about an essay I wrote, and I'll give you a little rundown of everybody else.
[1:27]And I think you all know me, but I am the host of the podcast.
[1:30]Moms Don't Have Time to Read books, which you are listening to right now.
[1:33]I am also the host of Sex Talk with Zivi and Tracy, which is hilarious.
[1:36]And you must listen if you haven't already.
[1:39]And I am the co-founder and CEO of Zivi Books, which is a new publishing home for fiction and memoir.
[1:46]So enjoy.
[1:47]And also all the essays in this collection were edited by Carolyn Murnick,
[1:51]who is the author of The Hot One and a former editor at New York Magazine.
[1:56]Well, this is an easy podcast because today's guest is me.
[2:00]I don't have to prepare.
[2:02]I don't have to do anything.
[2:03]I'm just going to tell you a little bit about my new anthology, which comes out today, November 2nd.
[2:09]Moms don't have time to have kids, a timeless anthology.
[2:12]And it has essays from 49 authors who are best-selling notable and award-winning,
[2:18]writing on five different things that moms, but really anyone,
[2:22]mom don't have time to do.
[2:24]Sleep gets sick, see friends, write, and lose weight.
[2:27]I mean, if you have time to do all those things, I will give you a standing ovation right now.
[2:32]But even if you do, and no matter what your own life is like,
[2:35]it is so great to see the world from somebody else's perspective.
[2:38]And that is what these essays do.
[2:40]All of them are written by amazing authors who have been on this very podcast.
[2:44]Moms don't have time to read books.
[2:46]And they're opening up their minds and their feelings and thoughts for all of you.
[2:51]I mean, it's really amazing.
[2:53]So, for example, Lily King, who is one of my favorite authors who wrote writers and lovers
[2:58]and has a new book coming out next week, by the way, a short story collection.
[3:02]If you haven't picked it up, anyway, she wrote, she sent me an essay for this collection
[3:07]about her daughter and her daughter's struggle with some illness,
[3:10]which I hadn't known anything about.
[3:13]And in the document, it said, you know, the subject, they're not the subject.
[3:17]The name of the file was ForZibi.
[3:18]And I was like, this is the coolest thing ever that Lily King is sitting there
[3:23]and titling a document and writing this for us for me.
[3:27]It's just so cool.
[3:29]And it's for all of you.
[3:30]It's for all of you to enjoy.
[3:33]And I'm just so honored to bring the backstory of all these authors into the world.
[3:39]So I don't know.
[3:40]I get very excited about this.
[3:41]There are amazing authors.
[3:43]I hate to like single anybody out, but I'll just read a few names in the sleep category.
[3:48]Allison Petaki, who is a best-selling author for The Queen's Fortune.
[3:53]And oh my gosh, I love to remember the beauty in the broken places about her husband
[3:57]who had a stroke when she was pregnant and Cecile van Dygasar, who is the author of Gossip Girl
[4:02]in the Get Six section, K.J. De La Antonia, Reese's Bookpick for the chicken sisters
[4:07]and Kristy Woods and Harvey, a recent new New Year Times best-selling author, Lily King,
[4:12]who I just mentioned, Caroline Levitt, G.J. Lavangie.
[4:16]I mean, everybody, now I feel bad.
[4:18]I'm not reading every single name.
[4:19]Maybe at the end of this episode, I'm going just to read everybody's name.
[4:24]So I don't leave anybody out because seriously, even though some of these authors
[4:28]have achieved more, I don't know, commercial or sales success than others, I think all
[4:34]these authors are amazing, obviously, so do publishers, because they've all done great
[4:38]and had their books published and are beloved.
[4:41]But in terms of people's feelings, there's really no way to rank that at all.
[4:45]And there are no stories more important than any others.
[4:49]And all of them are extremely poignant and probably will hit you in different ways
[4:53]as is the case often with essays and books.
[4:56]You'll find the ones that you need that speak to you, that inspire you, that make you
[5:00]feel less alone.
[5:01]And again, I am just honored to usher these into the world.
[5:05]I also wrote a couple essays of my own in here and I wanted to just read one of them
[5:10]for you.
[5:11]There are three, but I'll read one and hopefully this will wet your appetite for more
[5:15]and then you can get the book for essays from other people like Jeanine Cummins and Stephanie
[5:19]Danler and Jean Quack and Adrienne Banker, Art and Myron, Ritchie Jackson, they're
[5:24]oh my gosh, okay, okay, which one should I read?
[5:26]I've written three essays for this book.
[5:28]The first one is, when bedtime won't come soon enough, amen to that, that's in the
[5:32]sleep section.
[5:33]I also wrote, click, click, click through my mind and they get six section and I wrote something
[5:39]in the writing section.
[5:40]Yes, to all the books I never sold.
[5:42]Well, I want you to get the book and read that because I think that's my favorite one.
[5:45]But I don't want to give it away, okay, I think I'll read, click, click, click through
[5:49]my mind.
[5:50]And again, if you are listening to this and driving around somewhere or doing the laundry or
[5:56]all the things, go on your phone and buy a copy of this book, please, is that subtle
[6:03]enough?
[6:04]It would really mean a lot.
[6:05]I think you'll really like it and you can read each essay.
[6:08]You can read like four or five successes in the time it takes you to listen to a podcast
[6:12]episode.
[6:13]So I don't know, think about it.
[6:15]It's going to be really good.
[6:16]I think you're going to be excited.
[6:17]Anyway, okay, here's my one essay and buy the books to get my other two and all the other
[6:21]essays.
[6:22]Click, click, click through my mind.
[6:24]At first, I just couldn't find the right words.
[6:27]I would open my mouth to speak and my brain would spin in circles like an unwanted rainbow
[6:31]swirl and a frozen computer.
[6:33]It's in the garbage, I would answer when asked the whereabouts of something in the garage.
[6:37]People's names forget it.
[6:39]I would pass women about my age, then my early 30s, on the street.
[6:43]And they would stop and say, zivvy.
[6:45]We would chat and part ways.
[6:47]Meanwhile, I couldn't remember who they were or how I knew them.
[6:51]I even started getting lost on the way back from running to a drugstore down the block.
[6:55]I suddenly stopped on the street.
[6:56]I'd traversed a million times and couldn't remember where I was or which direction would
[7:01]take me home.
[7:02]I just froze on that tree lined New York City street, cars whizzing past, clutching a white
[7:07]plastic shopping bag and knew that the cognitive impairment I'd noticed was getting worse.
[7:12]I called my now ex-husband and said I felt like I was losing my mind.
[7:16]He stayed on the phone until I could get my bearings.
[7:19]Admittedly, it was a stressful time.
[7:21]I had three and a half year old twins in the terrible threes who didn't sleep at all.
[7:25]We were in a temporary rental apartment, with none of our creature comforts while our
[7:29]home was being renovated.
[7:30]The loving nanny on whom I depended, who I loved like a best friend, whose former boyfriend
[7:35]I'd helped catch having an affair, suddenly left our family and New York.
[7:40]After a cancer diagnosis, she is now fine but never came back to work.
[7:45]I wasn't getting along with my husband.
[7:47]I was out of sorts, depressed and a bit lost emotionally, from not working after decades
[7:51]of academic and professional rigor.
[7:54]I think I'm losing my mind, I confess to some fellow moms while sitting on plastic
[7:58]folding chairs, watching an indoor kids and sports gym class through glass doors.
[8:02]I can't even form proper sentences anymore.
[8:05]Mom brain, one friend responded, waving her hand dismissively.
[8:08]Me too, another said, totally, another added, happens to everyone wiser mom with older
[8:13]kids advised.
[8:14]I tried not to worry, but eventually I consulted a doctor who referred me to a neurologist.
[8:19]Suddenly, I was sitting in a wood-paneled waiting room, with a white-haired octogenarians
[8:23]who shuffled into the exam rooms ahead of me.
[8:26]What was I doing?
[8:27]The neurologist kindly examined me and then ordered a bunch of tests.
[8:30]I went from kids' music classes to having little plastic nose glued onto my head to assess
[8:35]my brain function, reading goodnight moon to sitting in hospital hallways, waiting for
[8:39]full body MRIs, I even endured a 10-hour multi-step neuropsychological assessment.
[8:45]And I did it all alone, accompanied only by fear.
[8:48]My mom friend said it was par for the course, but I just knew something was off.
[8:53]As I paced in the rental apartment one afternoon, trying unsuccessfully to get the kids
[8:57]to take naps, the doctor called.
[8:59]We found some abnormalities on the MRI, he said quickly, looks like a cyst of some type
[9:03]on your brain.
[9:04]Probably nothing to worry about.
[9:05]Not sure if it's causing the memory problems, don't think it's malignant, probably benign.
[9:09]But I'll get back to you when I know more.
[9:11]Sorry, wait, I said, grabbing a pen and paper.
[9:13]Could you say that again?
[9:14]I had what was soon identified as a collide cyst, five millimeters in the third ventricle
[9:19]of my brain.
[9:20]I'd had bouts with headaches years earlier, so I had an older MRI to compare this one
[9:25]too.
[9:26]The neurologist read the report and decided the tumor had been growing rapidly.
[9:30]Brain surgery was quickly on the table.
[9:33]I told my family and some close girlfriends who all helped me get other opinions.
[9:37]I sent my MRI results to hospitals all over the country.
[9:40]Every single surgeon I spoke to recommended immediate surgery as a preventative measure.
[9:46]If I waited, the tumor could maintain its quick rate of growth and start having a real
[9:50]negative impact.
[9:52]Suddenly I was juggling whether a surgeon should go in through the top of my skull or
[9:56]if they could do it noninvasively.
[9:58]Meanwhile, I was managing the move in the—
[10:00]to our new home.
[10:01]The ever-present needs of two wildly different twins and the rest of life.
[10:04]And I still couldn't keep anything straight in my head.
[10:07]I over ate to dull the feelings, getting to the point where all I could wear was leggings
[10:11]with long billy sweaters, which I wrapped tightly around me.
[10:14]By the way, when I was reading this essay to my daughter recently, she was like, that is
[10:17]all you still wear.
[10:18]So anyway.
[10:19]On my sixth opinion, when I almost didn't even get, I met a white-haired, spry neurologist
[10:23]who decided to analyze the hundreds of different slides and slices from my original MRI years
[10:29]earlier, which hadn't shown a mass at all.
[10:32]Unlike the other doctors, he didn't take the radiologist report at face value.
[10:36]I sat across the giant wooden desk from him, son pouring in through the window, fractured
[10:41]by white slatted blinds, as he leaned forward toward his computer, slowly studying the
[10:45]images of my brain, pre-tumour.
[10:47]I couldn't even breathe.
[10:49]I just watched him, click, click, click through my mind.
[10:52]And then he stopped clicking.
[10:53]Aha!
[10:54]There it is!
[10:55]He exclaimed.
[10:56]On the screen, and in the shadow of the images, there was the same new tumor.
[11:01]Now, not new at all.
[11:02]It's probably been there your whole life, he said, studying the image again and toggling
[11:07]between two slides that clearly showed it.
[11:09]It doesn't need to come out.
[11:10]It hasn't even grown.
[11:12]Same size.
[11:13]Probably just a benign collide cyst, very common.
[11:15]You're 100% sure I asked, 100% you can see it yourself, he said.
[11:20]And I could.
[11:21]Had I not seen this doctor, the last stop, on my multi-opinion tour, I would have had
[11:26]a variety of eager to operate surgeons claw into my head, perhaps destroying what made
[11:30]me me.
[11:32]What about my memory loss, my cognitive impairment?
[11:35]He looked at me with sad, sympathetic eyes, really seeing me.
[11:39]It's probably stress and sleep deprivation.
[11:42]Get some rest, you're going to be fine.
[11:44]I could barely stand up, flooded by relief.
[11:47]It's 10 years later, and the cyst is still there.
[11:50]It hasn't grown as my annual MRIs show when I remember to get them.
[11:54]I still lose my ability to retrieve words when I'm extremely tired.
[11:58]Sometimes I don't recognize friends on the street who clearly know me.
[12:01]I occasionally get lost and disoriented, but my neuropsych test results reflected my already
[12:06]known impaired visual spatial abilities.
[12:10]So compromised that I can literally get lost in my own neighborhood.
[12:13]By the way, and this is not the essay, but this is why I have some trouble parallel parking
[12:18]and dealing with anything else that requires a lot of visual spatial ability.
[12:24]My twins are now teenagers, and one of them sleeps later than me, although I ended up
[12:28]having two more children who still sneak in at night.
[12:31]I got divorced and then remarried.
[12:33]The home re-renovated was sold years ago.
[12:36]My new husband comes with me to every single doctor's appointment and holds my hand in
[12:40]the waiting room.
[12:41]I never even have to ask.
[12:43]My brain remains untouched, thanks to that one doctor who took a little extra time for
[12:47]me, if only I could remember his name to thank him.
[12:51]So that was my essay, and I seriously can't remember that doctor's name, and I can't
[12:55]even find it in my inbox, but that was a very stressful time in my life, and I look back
[13:01]on it not so fondly, but I am very grateful to that final doctor, and it just goes to
[13:06]show that you just have to keep getting opinions, and you just never know, so I wanted
[13:12]to share that with all of you.
[13:14]Anyway, oh, I told you I would read the list of the authors, but I just wanted to remind
[13:18]you that this essay was in mom's, don't have time to have kids on sale today.
[13:22]It would be super helpful if you would post about the book on Instagram, social media,
[13:27]tell just like one or two friends about this book, and that you're excited about it, and
[13:32]that you're excited to hear from all these amazing authors.
[13:34]It's like a dinner party, right?
[13:36]You're like going to a dinner party with all these fabulous authors.
[13:39]So tell someone about it.
[13:41]That's all it takes.
[13:42]One friend to another.
[13:43]That's how books take off.
[13:44]All the marketing in the world, if the book isn't good, and if friends don't tell friends,
[13:49]the book is not going to take off.
[13:50]So if you love it, which I hope you will, because I really worked hard on it and so did
[13:55]my editor Carolyn Murnick who edited all the essays, I really think you'll love it.
[13:59]So please spread the word.
[14:00]And just so you know, here's the more of the author.
[14:02]So again, as I was saying in the sleep section, Linda Cohen, Leigman, Carla Nomburg, should
[14:06]I tell you their books too, that might take a while, but okay, Linda Cohen, Leigman,
[14:10]the wartime sisters, Carla Nomburg, who wrote, how to stop losing your shit with your
[14:14]kids.
[14:15]Allison Pataki, best-selling author who wrote The Queen's Fortune.
[14:19]She has a new book coming out soon about Marjorie Mary Weather Post and wrote a beautiful memoir
[14:23]called The Beauty in the Broken Places.
[14:26]And also some kids' books.
[14:28]Nellie takes New York and Poppy takes Paris.
[14:30]Forgive me if I say any of these titles wrong, but you get the gist.
[14:33]Cecily von Zegazar, who wrote The Entire Gossip Girl series and most recently Cobble
[14:38]Hill, Michael Frank, who wrote a beautiful, under-appreciated novel called What Is Missing.
[14:45]And my essay, When Bedtime Won't Come Soon Enough.
[14:48]And then the get-six section, Camille Paigon, who wrote while I was sleeping, Andrea Buchanan,
[14:53]bodies-emotion-in-it-rest, KJ Delantonia, and Spanish, I don't have cancer.
[14:58]And that's a really beautiful essay about when she got a breast cancer diagnosis and
[15:02]was learning Spanish.
[15:03]KJ is the host of the on-writing podcast and also is a recent Reese's Book Club pick
[15:09]for her chicken sister's book.
[15:10]But I also loved her book, had to be a happier parent, or something that sounded very
[15:14]similar to that.
[15:15]You can tell I'm tired based on my essay because I can't remember any words.
[15:19]See?
[15:20]Now you know all about me.
[15:21]Christy Woods and Harvey, a small shiny thing.
[15:23]This is one of my favorites only because it's about her grandfather who passed away and
[15:28]assigned that he may leave for her.
[15:31]So read that.
[15:32]Shelley Johannes.
[15:33]I am not broken.
[15:34]Today I'm okay about her chronic illness.
[15:36]She's a children's book author of many books, including Vivi Love Science, C.C. Love Science,
[15:41]Theo's Thesaurus.
[15:43]Lily King wrote walls in her minds, as I mentioned, about her daughter's battle of
[15:46]Lyme disease, and is the author of writers and lovers, and five Tuesdays in April, which
[15:50]is coming out soon.
[15:52]Next week, in fact, Carolyn Levitt with her without you, and her essay is called Sick
[15:56]Leave, about what happened when she had her son many years ago.
[15:59]Elizabeth Lesser wrote my good body, Gigi Lavange, a son not my own, Emily Liebert,
[16:05]my father and more told him.
[16:07]Another, the one I just read, then Elizabeth Pastorella, Nana's Last Ride.
[16:10]This is, this should be a whole movie, this one, Nana's Last Ride about her picking
[16:13]up her grandmother who had dementia and having to drive her across the country.
[16:18]Susie Orman-Schnoll, the S-word.
[16:20]Actually, she wrote The Subway Girls, which is what I mixed up with Linda Leugman's
[16:23]book.
[16:24]So sorry about that.
[16:25]Melissa T. Schultz, sunlight through an angled window.
[16:27]In the C-Friends section, we have Chandler Baker.
[16:30]We met online, who's new book, The Husbands, and other book.
[16:36]This is literally what I would edit out, but I'm not going to edit out because this
[16:39]is just me.
[16:40]The Whisperer Network, that was called, are both Reese's Book picks.
[16:43]I think Adrienne Bankert is an amazing journalist who used to be with GMA and is now anchoring
[16:49]her own show, and it's called One on One, and is wonderful.
[16:53]Lydia Finay, who works at Christie's, wrote Life of Pie, and all of these people have
[16:59]all written books that are all amazing, so Melissa Gould, author of Widowish, What's in
[17:04]a Name My Best Friends.
[17:05]Nicola Harrison wrote a gift by the sea about how she co-parents with her ex, which is amazing.
[17:11]Heather Land wrote The Little Pink Unicorn.
[17:13]She's the author of I Ain't Doing It, and that whole viral movement.
[17:16]Abby Maslin wrote The Pursuit of Becoming.
[17:19]She wrote a beautiful memoir called Love You Hard.
[17:21]She and McCulloch wrote Snow and The Night Sky, which is beautiful about a friend who passed
[17:26]away.
[17:27]Malcolm Mitchell, Mission, Quiet the Stomachs.
[17:29]This is a really powerful essay about how he grew up very in the depths of poverty and
[17:35]had to steal food.
[17:36]He's now a Super Bowl champion and started illiteracy non-profit.
[17:40]He is like a total role model and rock star.
[17:42]Lindsey Powers, let's just meet here every day.
[17:46]Red, and Lydia's son, I'm here for you.
[17:48]In the right section, mom, so I have time to write, which also, by the way, is a whole
[17:52]publication I have on Medium, as you probably know, so just go to my website, sibbyowns.com
[17:57]and click to mom, so I have time to write, or just Google it or whatever.
[18:01]Amy Agresti, can a writer be too emotional, asking for a friend?
[18:04]Esther Amini, who wrote Concealed, Beneath the Surface.
[18:07]Terry Cheney wrote Camera Broken, Vision Renewed.
[18:10]She's the author of Manic, and Janine Cummins, the author of American Dirt, wrote
[18:16]in the time of quarteries, all about identity and what it means to be part of a given
[18:21]identity and what those labels mean, and if we need them.
[18:24]Stephanie Danler, author of Sweet Bitter and Stray, wrote a beautiful essay called Roses.
[18:29]Joanna Hirschon wrote the view out my window.
[18:32]Her book, St. Eva, was fabulous.
[18:34]Angela Himzel, a brand new way.
[18:35]Jean Quack, whatever you write in this will belong to you.
[18:39]Jean actually wrote two essays in this collection, and she's the author of Searching for
[18:42]Silvia Lee, Jennie Lee, wrote Life Lessons, Korean Mother Style, Abby Maslin, called
[18:48]to the page.
[18:49]She also wrote two essays for this collection.
[18:51]Sarah McCall, the circular breast, art in Myron, I am the writer, Rex Ogle.
[18:57]Historia, so bring me, stories about me.
[19:00]Rex has a new book at right now called Punching Bag.
[19:02]I have an essay in this collection, in this section rather, called To All the Books I Never
[19:07]Sold.
[19:08]Claire Bitwell Smith, the author of The Rules of Inheritance, and Anxiety, The Missing
[19:12]Stage of Grief, wrote an essay called The Reason Behind the Words, Laura Tremaine, who hosts
[19:18]the ten things about you podcast, and share your stuff.
[19:22]I'll go first.
[19:23]The memoir wrote a fabulous essay called Clarity Arrived.
[19:27]And then in the last lose weight section, Alyssa Freeland, I diet, therefore I am Ritchie
[19:32]Jackson, Peloton, and On, and On, so for anybody who loves the Peloton, you have to read
[19:37]this book.
[19:38]Gene, I mean, book, this essay, Gene Kwok, Mama Am I Pretty, a heartbreaking and beautiful
[19:44]story about Gene growing up and not looking the way her family wished she would.
[19:50]Brooke Adam, even though she's totally pretty, by the way, Gene, if you're listening.
[19:54]Brooke Adams Law, the world I build for you.
[19:56]She won't catch light, Shannon Lee, the anchor, and the seabird.
[20:00]And Susan Shapiro, the pandemic taste test.
[20:02]And then some very short acknowledgements.
[20:04]I did not go over the top this time.
[20:06]Like I did last time.
[20:07]I think they're only like two or three pages.
[20:09]And that is it.
[20:10]So come on.
[20:11]It's so fun.
[20:12]Bye the book.
[20:13]Mom said I had time to have kids.
[20:15]And thank you so much for listening,
[20:17]for supporting everything.
[20:18]I do on this podcast, for tuning in, for being fans,
[20:22]and just for being awesome.
[20:24]I wish I knew all of you in real life.
[20:26]And it means so much to me.
[20:28]You have no idea that you spend your limited time
[20:31]listening to me talk to authors or read essays
[20:34]like this one or whatever.
[20:36]It's just such a dream come true.
[20:37]I just started this podcast three and a half years ago.
[20:40]And who knew how it would change my life?
[20:42]It's insane.
[20:43]So I appreciate every single download and listen.
[20:46]Spread the word.
[20:47]Spread the word about the book.
[20:48]Spread the word about the podcast.
[20:50]And keep listening.
[20:52]Thank you.
[20:54]Thanks for listening to this episode of Mom.
[20:56]Just don't have time to read books.
[20:57]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram, at Zebioans,
[21:00]and at moms don't have time to read books.
[21:03]Also sign up for my newsletter at zebioans.com
[21:05]and sign up for my virtual book club
[21:07]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week.
[21:09]Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan.
[21:11]In fact, texture sound for the sound editing.
[21:13]And thank you to Morning Moon Productions
[21:15]for providing this fantastic intro and out trim music.