Tamera Mowry-Housley, YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN FOR THIS: A Memoir about Life, Wine, and Cookies
[0:02]Hi, I'm Zivi Owens, the creator and host of the award-winning podcast that you're listening to right now
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[1:13]Tamara Maori housely is the author of you should sit down for this a memoir about life wine and cookies
[1:19]Tamara is an Emmy award-winning host actress producer and entrepreneur who has captivated audiences for over 20 years
[1:26]Tamara started her career in Hollywood on the hit show sister sister which earned her an NAACP image award for outstanding
[1:33]actress in a comedy series as an adult Tamara co-hosted the groundbreaking Emmy winning talk show the real for six seasons
[1:41]Together the ladies won the outstanding entertainment talk show host Emmy
[1:45]at the 45th daytime Emmy Awards Tamara can also be seen on Hulu's baking competition series Baker's doesn't
[1:51]HGTV's design competition show table wars and in Hallmark's holiday film the Santa's takeout
[1:58]Most recently Tamara is set to star in Hallmark Channel's girlfriend ship
[2:02]Which is out now up next Tamara will host Amazon Prime videos upcoming unscripted series Dr.
[2:07]Seuss baking challenge premiering this winter Tamara lives in Napa Valley with her husband and two children where she
[2:13]oversees century oak winery and their own celebrated tasting room in downtown Napa they also recently opened their own coffee house
[2:19]and coffee line called Barnhouse Napa Bruce welcome Tamara for coming on mom stone out of time to read books to discuss
[2:27]You should sit down for this
[2:29]Thank you for having me and I love the title
[2:36]I realized that with my first
[2:40]I have four kids and I was like the only way I'm going to be able to read is to make this my job so there you go
[2:46]Wow, four congratulations
[2:49]Thanks so much. We're congratulations to you and your book so exciting. Oh, I'm so excited. I'm nervous
[2:56]It's funny because once you finish and it's printed and it's
[3:00]Gonna be out there pretty soon. That's what I'm like
[3:03]Oh my gosh
[3:06]It's it. That's it. Yeah. It's out there. No turning back now Tamara, but I
[3:11]You
[3:13]You should be. It's really wonderful and it's such an invite. It's probably the most inviting memoir
[3:19]I've ever read because you're literally like welcoming us in giving us our tea
[3:25]Like I feel like you made me cookies even though you didn't you say you're a hugger
[3:29]I just felt so welcome
[3:31]I felt like you totally
[3:32]Late out the welcome ad for me
[3:34]And I'm like ready to settle in and go on the ride with you. That's how you
[3:38]That makes me feel so good because that was my goal
[3:41]From the beginning. I never wanted to feel like I'm preaching at somebody or talking at somebody
[3:47]I I always wanted to be a collective, you know a collective thing and that was my number one
[3:55]Goal when writing the book. So there you go. Thank you
[3:59]It was great and everything you did even with the structure of the book
[4:05]Ferthered that message how you have different
[4:08]Here we are. We're going on to this course and come along anyway
[4:13]Yes, thank you. Thank you very very very much. I we you know
[4:16]I I'm when I was uh, you know
[4:20]Writing the book. I wanted to make sure you know and I always talked with my husband as well
[4:24]He's like my life coach and I really wanted you know to kind of forgot what the chapters were you know
[4:32]We're going to be you know and you write a book. It you know
[4:34]It's just kind of just writing things and then it naturally finds this
[4:39]Organic like structure of it all and what I found was the Tamara isms
[4:44]Like I noticed that I always spit out these kind of you know
[4:47]Words of wisdom my my advice. I'm a share
[4:50]I like to say whatever I experience something and I've learned something
[4:54]I always want to share it. I don't want to keep it inside
[4:56]So thank you because that was another thing
[4:58]I wanted to make sure that the structure of it was it naturally
[5:03]Kind of just happen. I didn't want to you know force it because I I was going to start
[5:08]You know the the book with me just ending the real and then that just didn't feel it didn't feel right
[5:15]So the moment, you know, we just got all those words out
[5:18]like ooh
[5:20]No, let's start from here and then it naturally just
[5:25]Found its way and I couldn't be happier
[5:29]Well, that's like the best feeling when you figure out how to get into the book and how you're welcoming everybody else
[5:34]I also share your obsession with chocolate chip cookies. I
[5:38]I have tried. I think every cookie to bakery under the sun
[5:43]I am a soft cook. I'm a soft who have to have it soft. Yeah, that's me. Yeah, and you know the trick
[5:49]Right
[5:49]Do you know the trick in making it soft because I've waited all different types of ways
[5:53]What is your trick taking it out early? No
[5:57]Actually, I do
[5:59]It is making sure that you melt your butter correctly
[6:03]Make sure you do not overbeat your your eggs with your with your wet ingredients and making sure you do not
[6:10]Overbake it or have too much flour
[6:13]So you want to spoon in your flour. Oh cop. You just want to make sure you take a lot of anyways
[6:21]Yes, I'm going to spoon in my flour and I will I will make sure I still think you should take it out a little early because then
[6:26]It's almost cookie doughy and then it's so true. So that's my
[6:31]My secret and extra chips. Okay, but back to your book
[6:35]Why did you decide to write a book and why how when you were doing all the words were coming out as you said
[6:43]How did you decide what you wanted to share with the world and and what
[6:47]What was it about this experience that you wanted to make sure people knew? I?
[6:53]Was actually thinking about writing a book when I was on the real
[6:58]I for the first time
[7:00]Realized and it had been I would have to say like maybe three four years in
[7:05]I realized that I had a voice
[7:10]and
[7:10]That's people were interested in what I had to say
[7:15]Because my career I started as an actress and I always used
[7:21]other words other people's words a script
[7:25]And you know in the beginning and I talked about this in the book
[7:29]Being on the real at first. It was very daunting like I was
[7:33]I
[7:34]Wanted to throw up. I would say
[7:37]Time I heard our theme song
[7:39]This is our time and I went out because I just wasn't used to
[7:43]Speaking, you know
[7:45]from from from my heart on all issues every possible issue that you can think of and
[7:52]I didn't think that people really wanted to hear it
[7:55]So once I recognized that I was like wow
[7:59]Wait a minute
[8:00]I do have something to say and there is an audience for it
[8:05]And I learned by being on the real
[8:08]How being vulnerable is actually very powerful. It's one of the most scariest things to do
[8:14]Kind of like letting go, but the moment you let go of
[8:18]Something it actually becomes easier
[8:21]So I wanted my book and that's when I
[8:24]Also realized what I wanted to talk about. I had
[8:28]lived my life
[8:31]For 40 years
[8:33]I wanted to talk about something. I didn't just want to be
[8:36]You know the you know entertainer who just wrote a book to just you know check it off their list
[8:43]I wanted to make sure that I had something truly to say
[8:47]And in my nature if you know me
[8:49]I always love to inspire
[8:51]I always love to and you know encourage
[8:53]And I never just like something to just be about myself
[8:57]Although this is a memoir
[8:58]I thought of I thought of you guys in doing it and what I can share
[9:03]In my life that I have learned that is going to help inspire and encourage others to either do the same
[9:10]Or know that they aren't they aren't alone. So there's always a purpose in something
[9:15]That I do and and it's never back to self. It's always
[9:20]Back to you to you
[9:22]So I wanted to make sure that I actually had something to say
[9:26]And I had you know been through some things to to share
[9:30]Well starting with when you were younger the scene of the scene. I mean it was your life
[9:36]But yeah, and you when you were in the pageant and you were trying to compete with all these
[9:41]Beauty you call them number 13, but number 13
[9:45]Can all imagine what we think of as a perfect pageant girl and how you felt you didn't look like that
[9:51]And you couldn't compete on those same
[9:53]Metrics and so instead you went out there and crushed it. Who did you are doing the singing?
[10:00]And you were like, you know what? This is my skill. And I'm going to hold this. And you, and you say how you let go sort of after a minute or so, similar to what you're talking about the real and how
[10:10]then you let your true voice out. And that's when you got your first like super positive reinforcement as a result.
[10:17]Yeah, it was very therapeutic writing the book as well, because, you know, our memories are, you know, in there.
[10:27]But sometimes we, you know, subconsciously repress them. Or we think that we have handled that situation and we moved on. We've learned.
[10:39]And it isn't until you revisit it where you're like, oh my gosh, I maybe still have a little bit of this that I need to work on like some of the insecurities.
[10:49]Or I've always known myself to be a strong person, but then when you really look back, I'm like, dang, do you went through a lot.
[10:58]And you are, you are still smiling. And also that little girl inspired me once again, where I am today. I left the real to, you know, pursue my acting again. And it isn't as easy as people, you know, think it is.
[11:15]I hadn't acted in a very long time. You know, you get stereotyped. Oh, you're just, you know, talk to your host. I'm like, no, I was an actress.
[11:23]I was an actress before it's still in there. So I was going through, you know, some things going on auditions.
[11:29]And, you know, just revisiting that little girl who did not take no for an answer who did not, you know, take those.
[11:38]It did not let those insecurities override, you know, who she, you know, is, she spoke to me once again. So it was, it was, it was kind of surreal, you know, and then also I realized we're doing, I'm getting older.
[11:54]But I'm still here. Thank God. You have a, you have a new show starting like, evidently, tomorrow is very soon.
[12:03]I know, I have a girlfriends. It's a show on homework, a homework channel and then I just finished doing another homework film.
[12:14]And it's been, it's just been wonderful. Homework has been so kind and so wonderful, you know, to me. And I'm very grateful.
[12:22]I feel like one thing that really sets you apart is how prepared you are for things.
[12:30]Oh, yes, I have to be prepared. I, it's just, it's, it's in my DNA. I'm an ex army brat.
[12:37]I, my father, you know, was a first sergeant. My mother was a drill sergeant. So we've been disciplined. My sister and I are family since birth.
[12:47]So thank you.
[12:49]No, it's, I loved when you had to teach yourself double dutch with your sister, like right at the last minute. And it's, you could have just gone in and been like, Oh, yeah, I don't know how to do that. I'm going to pretend.
[12:59]You're like, I, and that is not so easy. You're like, I just picked up double dutch. I was like, I'm like, are you kidding. It took me so long. Do you even like do like a double loop in jump rope?
[13:08]That's how determined, you know, we, we were and we still are and you can still see those attributes and in every worry, I would say, and we have to give props to our parents for that.
[13:20]And I remember, I remember walking up to that school, looking through, you know, the gate, be like, Hey, hey, can you teach me how to do that?
[13:32]And my sister and I, we learned so fast and I'll never forget auditioning for that, the, you know, the, the, the Chrysler, you know, commercial just walking in, you know, fully fully prepared and yeah, but we learned rather quick and I still know how to do it.
[13:49]I don't know how to do all the tricks like I can't like do a back flip and you know, some of those girls are, I mean, they're just amazing. They have competitions.
[13:58]competitions and yeah, but learning there's what I loved about it. It's like this rhythm. And so my sister and I were dancers.
[14:05]So once you got the rhythm, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and you'll see them, you know, do this before they, they go in and then also it's kind of like in like two, you kind of have to see, you know, get the rhythm of it.
[14:16]And then you just have to take it. You just have to go in. Otherwise, you're going to miss, miss your chance. And then that's when you'll get hit by the rope. You just got to go for it.
[14:26]And as long as I picked up my feet and kept that rhythm, I got it.
[14:32]So for people listening and I'm going to, I can post the video of this too. But for people listening, you should see as to make this literally like dancing and swing and move your arms.
[14:44]It's awesome. So we're rhythm in the zoom square that I'm used to. So that's good.
[14:50]Well, despite your instinct to always be prepared, which by the way, I have to that I think that's probably why I saw so much in you. And like that's what I would have done that.
[14:59]Maybe not quite as determined, but I don't know. I like that. And I think it's also a way to sort of manage any anxiety around situation is just to like counteracted by knowing that at least I'm as prepared as possible.
[15:10]But then life throws these things in your path that nobody can prepare for. And the loss of your knees. And I'm so so sorry.
[15:19]Was just this tragic horrific interruption and devastation for your family and your loved ones. Can you talk about that or you don't have to.
[15:29]We're all at the place right now where we can talk about it. Because for one, I mean, we realized what an amazing, I mean, presence that that Elena had when she was here that we still we still see the aftermath.
[15:49]You know, of that she may not be here with us on earth. But she's definitely she's definitely here. And I have had I can talk to her hours about the little signs that you know, she has given me and I was never a believer of that to be honest.
[16:04]I just I never was, but she loved music and we found that out later in her life. She kind of hid that talent.
[16:15]How to, you know, play the ukulele to sing. She started singing in high school and she was in her high school play Les Miserables and her favorite Broadway play was Hamilton.
[16:30]But that's how she speaks to me. She speaks to me through music. We had, you know, these these special songs that that we loved. And when I was flying back and forth, which I talk about in my book, how I would just have so much anxiety.
[16:44]We would listen to this song was oceans by Hillsong. And I would say we, because I would talk to her, I'd be like, hey girl, hey girl, hey, I know you're with me on this flight. Let's go. Let's fly.
[16:55]And I remember when I did my Hallmark film and I was feeling a little nervous. My assistant was playing her playlist.
[17:04]And you'll never believe what song came on. That song wasn't even in her playlist. So it's just things like that.
[17:12]Well, I'm like, wait a minute. And she was a huge hallmark fan. So it's just those type of things. But I thought I was important to kind of just it was my letter to her, because I never got to say goodbye.
[17:28]And oh God. Oh, sorry. Oh, no, it's okay.
[17:34]It taught me and I talk about this. My therapist was like, what did she teach you? And I'm like, I thought of her, you know, death. I mean, I don't feel good right now. I don't, you know, like, I don't. What do you mean?
[17:48]She taught me the importance of living life. No matter, no matter what, no matter what. So always tell your loved ones. You love them.
[18:00]There may be times where, you know, your dad or your mom will call you at, you know, a time when you're busy. No, pick up the phone.
[18:10]Say hello. Just for a moment. All you have to do is hey, I'm really busy. Can can I call you back? Can you call me back? And that experience her, you know, I was supposed to go and see her at school in my son's birthday party. That was like our last text. I'll see you soon.
[18:28]I'll see you soon.
[18:30]But I was busy and I wanted to go and visit her. But we said, I love you. She said, I love you. And I said, I love you too.
[18:39]So it was my letter to her just to let her know how much I love, you know, I love her and how much, you know, she, she made an impact, you know, on my life. And I've known her ever since she was a five and she passed away at 18.
[18:57]And we were we were close, you know, she was my, my niece by my marriage, but we were girly girls together, you know, and talk about boys and she was such a kind and and loving person.
[19:14]I had to just talk about her. I had to. But yeah, turquoise was her favorite color, which is why my book, the turquoise is is the color of of of the title and pink and purple are my sister and I favorite colors together and also my daughter.
[19:33]So that's a little insight of why I chose those colors for the cover of the book.
[19:39]I'm really sorry that you lost her. It's the pain of losing someone does not go away.
[19:45]You don't go on you move forward. And it was only three years ago. I know it says I'm so sorry. And it was in a shooting for people listening. Yeah.
[19:55]But not having that sense of closure and being able to say.
[20:00]goodbye and sorry. Life is not fair. It makes no sense. You know, but I feel like part of the
[20:06]gift of your book is bringing her back to people who did her, right? There's something about,
[20:13]I just had a memoir come at you, but I've lost a couple people really close to me not that this is
[20:17]in any way comparable, but I feel like all I could do was introduce them to people who would never
[20:23]meet them because they weren't allowed, they didn't get a chance to live. And so if I could like
[20:28]write a few pages and talk about something funny they said or who they were, that's all I can
[20:32]really give to them aside from, you know, continuing to. And that was my number. That was my number
[20:39]one thing with my children because she loved my children. And I said, you know, because I talked to
[20:46]her still like she's here. And I say, one thing I'm going to do, Elena, is make sure that my,
[20:52]I'm going to keep your memory alive in my children's life. And we have this thing where I,
[20:59]and I learned this in my grief counseling, you know, take something she loved to do hair.
[21:06]She knew how to braid. She was just amazing. So I learned how to French braids, you know, do braids
[21:14]and do my daughter's hair to keep that memory alive. And I talk about that with my daughter. So
[21:22]when we're doing, you know, when I'm, when I'm doing her hair, a ryan's hair, Elena's right there
[21:29]with us. It's amazing. And now she's like with me. It's amazing. What you can do.
[21:35]What you can do. And I totally believe in science, 100%. I'm a, I'm a believer now because,
[21:45]like I said, I could talk to you for hours. She has done it so many times. We were just like,
[21:50]no way. I mean, my first hallmark film, the colors of the Christmas trees was turquoise and silver.
[21:58]Christmas is red and green.
[22:02]And I was like, okay, you're here. And then a hair person, a woman's name was, was Elena,
[22:10]you know, so it's just those stories that I'm just like, hello, hi, I love you too, you know,
[22:17]I posted on 9-11, my best friend died on 9-11. And I posted this year and I said something like,
[22:23]okay, stays, you know, I'll be on the lookout for your sign, which is Lady Bugs for the rest of
[22:27]the day. Yeah. So I posted it. And then I put my phone down and my husband turned on the TV and
[22:33]he pressed like the next channel. And it was Lady Bug Girl, you know, the show. And I was like,
[22:38]how else would she have gotten into this right? We were in a hotel in Toronto. Anyway,
[22:41]I'm like there, like there she, and I was like, I can't believe it. Yeah. And so it just makes
[22:47]you, and that's why I was saying we can talk about it now because all of us have, you know,
[22:51]experienced this. And, you know, it gave us more just peace, peace about it. So how do you feel about
[23:02]having to deal with grief and also being a public figure? I mean grief, you know, breakups,
[23:12]it's challenging. I will say what has helped me in a very odd way is that I know nothing different.
[23:23]I've been in the business for so long. So it's kind of like my right arm now. And I have learned,
[23:30]I feel like I've been able to navigate Hollywood quite well with the balance, you know, keeping this
[23:39]private, although I know things will, you know, get out. But at the same time, if they do, use
[23:46]it for good. You know, so I talk about the importance of, you know, gun control. I talk about the
[23:54]importance of people grieve differently. He don't ever move on, but we move forward. So I've learned
[24:05]to use my platform no matter what comes my way in a very positive way. So I like to ricochet,
[24:12]you know, like just kind of, okay, if that's turn my lemons into lemonade kind of a thing.
[24:18]I've learned to to navigate and work with it. Good for you. You had a quote that you posted
[24:24]on Instagram that I loved. You said grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place
[24:29]to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.
[24:35]It is. It's a sign of love. How you grieve. It just shows you loved, you loved that person.
[24:43]And you know, we had lots of people grieve Elena, the, you know, city of Nap, because like I said,
[24:49]she was such a beautiful, positive, you know, force in in our community. But there are some people,
[24:57]they were grieving, but you didn't see tears. And it's not for me to judge that. Then there are
[25:02]people who, you know, and I was one of them. It took a very long time to subcribe. Like every single time
[25:09]someone would mention her name, like in front of my children, they're like, you need to be strong,
[25:13]you need to be strong. And I'm like, I just lost someone. I truly loved. So let's, let's, you know,
[25:20]let's, let's talk about this. But yeah, and, and it's so true. It isn't a lack of faith.
[25:27]If anything, it actually, you know, I was, I was angry. I was angry. I was upset,
[25:34]but I would have those conversations with God. I was able to, you know, because I am a woman of
[25:40]faith. I was able to be honest. If you want to scream at God, yell at God, yell, scream in your pillow,
[25:47]hit your pillow, stomp your feet, get it all out. That's okay. It is, it is okay. And it's,
[25:54]it's one of the, for me, it is, it is one of the hardest human emotions. But it's because you've
[26:01]loved, you've loved, you've loved so hard. And that will love never goes away. Like, so you see,
[26:06]it's tear it up. It's just, it never goes away. Well, thank you for being not only for sharing
[26:13]your story and your experiences. But this piece, particularly the grief and all the people,
[26:19]and especially this time of the world who are going through it, this is, I know only a small sliver
[26:24]of your inspiring, wonderful, charming story. But anyway, I appreciate it. So congratulations.
[26:31]Enjoy the launch. All those words ended up in the right place. And enjoy it.
[26:36]You're amazing. You made my day. Thank you so much. Thank you.
[26:41]Thank you. All right. So bye.
[26:45]Thanks for listening to this episode of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[26:49]Don't forget to follow me on Instagram at zibbowens and at Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[26:54]Also sign up for my newsletter at zibbowens.com and sign up for my virtual book club,
[26:58]and meet lots of authors on Zoom every other week. Thanks so much to Steve and Ryan in fact,
[27:03]texture sound for the sound editing. And thank you to Morning Moon Productions for providing
[27:07]this fantastic intro and outro music.