Emily Farris, I'LL JUST BE FIVE MORE MINUTES: And Other Tales from My ADHD Brain
[0:02]Hi, I'm Zippy Owens, and I am the host of this podcast, Mom's Don't Have Time to Read Books.
[0:08]I am also a newly minted USA Today best-selling author of the novel, Blake.
[0:14]I've created a whole community of book lovers around this podcast, a publishing company,
[0:19]reading retreats, a bookstore, and more. Learn more at ZippyMedia.com or follow me on social
[0:25]at Zippy Owens, or join the community at Zippy Readers.
[0:29]Emily Ferris is the author of, I'll just be five more minutes, and other tales from my ADHD
[0:36]brain. Emily has worked as a writer, editor, graphic designer, copywriter, cocktail server,
[0:41]podcast host, unlicensed hairstylist, we won't tell, and much more. Currently, on staff at Epicurious,
[0:47]Emily has written for the cut, architectural digests, L.D. Gore, Buzzfeed, life hacker, what's up,
[0:52]moms, food, 52, the daily beast, the bust, DIY guide to life, women on food, and many other
[0:58]publications. She lives in Kansas City, Missouri. Oh, I'm going to Kansas City with a real
[1:02]meter. And on the internet at that Emily Ferris.com and at that Emily Ferris.
[1:07]Welcome, Emily. Thank you so much for coming on mom's Don't Have Time to Read books to discuss.
[1:12]I'll just be five more minutes and other tales from my ADHD brain. Thank you so much. Thank you
[1:17]for having me. I am so excited to be here. Emily, I could not put this book down. I read it,
[1:23]like cover to cover, laughing out loud, dog earring of pages. I feel like we've had so many similar
[1:30]things in life. I also think you were one of the funniest women I've read. And I love your voice,
[1:38]love, love, love, everything about it. I'm going to cry. That's like such an amazing thing to hear,
[1:41]especially for me. So thank you so much. Oh my gosh. Of course. I also am now fairly convinced I also
[1:47]have ADHD, but that's okay. It's okay. You know, I'm hearing that kind of a lot from people in
[1:53]my circles. And it's not entirely surprising because the people in my circles are creative women who
[2:03]have their, you know, their, what men, where many hats I would say do lots of things,
[2:08]get lots of things done, have many interests, have lots of projects. And, you know, those two things
[2:13]kind of tend to go together. Yeah. And to your point in the book, you know, it's not
[2:20]something that was widely diagnosed when we were growing up for women in particular for girls.
[2:25]No, not at all. ADHD was thought to be this, you know, young white boy problem.
[2:30]Yeah. Kids who just like couldn't sit still had like bounce around in class and all of that.
[2:34]Okay. Emily, first let's just start with when you decided to write this book, what it was like
[2:40]getting a diagnosis of ADHD. And I just want to hear how you read the book because it's so
[2:47]funny. And I love how you did it in short snippets. And it's like so perfectly crafted. And there's
[2:53]so many, I mean, the fact that you end it with your resume, I mean, the whole thing is like so clever,
[2:58]just so clever. Talk about how you got going and all that. Thank you. You mentioned my
[3:04]diagnosis. And that's a that's a longer story that's kind of that's in the details in the book,
[3:09]but I'll get into how I got the idea to write. Yeah. Okay. So it's a real mom's don't have time to
[3:14]read books situation because it was April of 2021. And it was my very first walk that I took by
[3:21]myself without a dog or a child or a husband. It was the first time I was alone alone out in a
[3:27]nature in a year, 11 months, 12, 13 months, I'm bad at math, 13 months. And earlier in the day,
[3:33]I had been tinkering with something in the house and telling my then husband like,
[3:38]I'll just be five more minutes and I kept being five more minutes and five more minutes and five
[3:41]more minutes. And I had long joked for years, maybe decades that if I ever wrote a memoir,
[3:47]it would be called five minutes late and covered in dog hair. And when I was out on this walk,
[3:52]I thought, oh my God, wait, I'll just be five more minutes. That's a great title. And obviously,
[3:58]it should be essays because I can't write like a long chronological detailing of my life.
[4:04]And actually, I probably maybe could, but I timed out of reading comprehension on the GRE.
[4:10]I said like 10 years earlier. I thought if I'm ever going to write a book, I need the accountability
[4:16]of an MFA program. And I noticed ADHD didn't know at the time. And so I thought like,
[4:23]I can only do essays, they gotta be short, gotta do essays. And that's how I like to, I prefer to
[4:27]write anyway. And I cut my walk short and rushed home and like rattled off this email to my agent.
[4:34]And he got right back to me. He was like, I love this idea. The timing is right. This is so
[4:39]you. This is perfect. Let's do it. And the dopamine was flowing. And I knocked out a proposal pretty
[4:47]quickly. And he shopped it around. And I got to work on it by October of 2021. Wow. And wrote it
[4:54]in a year. It's awesome. It's so awesome. One thing that you referenced. And I'm just going to like
[4:59]jump all over because that's the nature of the story is the nature of the story. Drinking a love
[5:04]story is one of my favorite books by Caroline Knapp. Love, love, love. And I also, and I wrote about
[5:11]this in my own memoir, which I feel like you have to read because you'll see like we have 1,000
[5:15]things in common. Not because I'm trying to sell another comment. No, it's actually on my list. I
[5:19]promise you it is on my, I promise you're going to be like me. That's me. That's me because that's
[5:23]how I was with you, which is not happened to me with like any other book. I'm going to get read that
[5:27]anyway. How you turn to alcohol, like wine coolers when you were young. And then got to a point
[5:34]where when you were older, you're like, let me see if I can stop drinking for six months.
[5:37]And all of that talks to me about the role of alcohol and how it relates and even the dopamine
[5:42]and all of it just where that fits in and where what your relationship is now. Yeah, I'll try to remember
[5:47]them all. I started drinking really young. Some of that I think is where I grew up and how I grew up
[5:53]in the Midwest in a suburb, suburb is a nice term of Kansas City. And I started drinking young
[6:02]as a social lubricant. I felt awkward. I couldn't talk to people. I would say the wrong things.
[6:08]I wanted the courage to talk to boys. I wanted to fit in. And so I started drinking. And I realized
[6:15]that I at least did my own head. I thought I fit in better when I was drinking. And so I would
[6:20]drink more. And it was fun. And I felt less inhibited as one does whether they have ADHD or not.
[6:26]But it helped me as someone who I started drinking when I was 14. Do not recommend. Do not try
[6:31]this at home, children. By then I had already, I knew that like I would say the wrong things or I was
[6:35]awkward or like I wasn't like the people in my school who had lots of friends and were really social
[6:42]and cool. And drinking at least made me feel like I could be those things sometimes.
[6:49]And I just kind of grew up thinking that like alcohol was how I could be social. That's how I could
[6:57]be around boys. And it just made me feel, I hate to say the word normal because it clearly being
[7:02]drunk is not normal. But it made me feel like I could talk to people like everyone else could talk to
[7:07]people. And that continued for far too long. And it got to the point where I was like didn't
[7:15]know how to go on a date without getting drunk. And then I got to a point where I was just like
[7:19]it was, I would wake up and it was cringy. And it was, it felt gross about it. And just about my
[7:23]drinking in general. And I was still in my 20s. Like I think a lot of people reach this point in
[7:29]their 20s. And hopefully most of them can say, Oh, shit, I need to stop drinking so much. And so
[7:36]I did, I took, I said, I'm going to take six months to a year long break. And just to see if I
[7:41]can, because I wasn't, I didn't know if I could. I was like, am I an alcoholic? I don't know.
[7:46]And so I quit. And I could. And I just found something else. I started running. And I got really
[7:53]into frosted animal crackers, the kind with sprinkles and diet coke. And maybe I just replaced one
[7:58]thing for another. But I kind of had been doing that throughout my life. And it wasn't that I
[8:02]like needed a thing. I was just like, okay, well, I'll just get interested in this other thing now.
[8:06]And the fact that I quit. And I could quit. And I didn't crave it. And I felt great. And life was
[8:11]great. And I was like, Oh, okay, I guess I'm not an alcoholic. But I definitely had a drinking problem
[8:16]was drinking too much. And so I slowly reintroduced alcohol into my life in a much more grown-up way.
[8:23]And I have a much better relationship with alcohol now. I will say that there are still times
[8:28]where I drink too much at a social anxiety. And I, I rain myself and I'm like, Oh, better take a break,
[8:34]cut back, you know, cool it. And I, and I do. And I'm too old for that now. I'm 41. I have two kids.
[8:41]I'm tired. I don't know. I don't have time to get drunk anymore. But, you know, I like,
[8:46]I enjoy cocktail. One, you can host the momstone of time to get drunk podcast. Have I met?
[8:52]Oh, my God. Yes. And that's funny. That would be so fun. Oh, my God.
[8:58]Let's co-host it. We'll have one low alcohol drink.
[9:05]Oh, my gosh. Okay. So from that, your experience in 9-11, which you wrote about beautifully and
[9:13]sadly and funny and heartfelt and all the things, I could not believe how well, why don't you tell
[9:19]the story how you quit this job the night before and narrowly missed being there. You should have
[9:24]been there. And yeah, I was working as a stockbrokers assistant, which is of all the jobs I've had,
[9:30]that's the one that's like, this thing is not like the others. But somebody at my college
[9:35]the time and said, and this person needs to insist it. And I was working for her for the summer.
[9:39]And it was supposed to be a summer thing. It went into the fall. Didn't love the job.
[9:42]Loved the regular paycheck even though it was small. And one night, I was having
[9:48]gin and tonics with my cousin and his girlfriend in Astoria. And I just started telling them how
[9:54]much I didn't like my job. But I just hated it. And once I get it in.
[10:00]my head that like I feel a certain way about something.
[10:02]I can't get it out.
[10:03]And I was like, I think I have to quit.
[10:04]It's like, I can't wait two weeks.
[10:06]This job, it'll be miserable.
[10:08]And I've never done anything like this before,
[10:10]but I snuck into the office at like 11 30th at night.
[10:14]I had a key so I wasn't really sneaking.
[10:17]Left a note that said, I can't work anymore.
[10:20]I'm sorry.
[10:20]And this was before Berger left the note
[10:23]for Kerry.
[10:24]That's a mistake.
[10:25]Just FYI, I did it first.
[10:27]Okay.
[10:28]It was me.
[10:29]And I took my thanks and I went home and I went to bed.
[10:33]And I woke up.
[10:34]I was living on West Fourth Street at the time at 6.7 and I woke
[10:38]up to my roommate banging on a bedroom door
[10:41]to tell me that a plane had run into the World Trade Center.
[10:44]And the office where I was working was on Richter Street,
[10:46]which was, you know, it's not super close,
[10:48]but it was, I would often get off at the World Trade Center
[10:52]stop and mark to work.
[10:53]And I don't think I would have been like right there
[10:56]or in any immediate danger, but I also know
[10:58]that I'm the kind of person who jumps into action
[11:01]and a crisis who knows what I would have done.
[11:02]Would I've gone back to help people?
[11:04]Probably.
[11:05]I would like to think that I would
[11:06]because that's the kind of thing I do.
[11:08]I'm the kind of person who'll like run toward a burning
[11:10]building to help someone.
[11:11]So I ended up helping people.
[11:13]I was living next to a church at the time
[11:15]and I ended up helping people that way,
[11:17]but it was, it still kind of blows my mind the way
[11:20]that just the timeline of all of that and how that happened.
[11:22]Well, I love tearing about it and how, you know,
[11:25]just the role of fate and all of these decisions
[11:29]and the universe and why things happen and I don't know.
[11:31]You know, can I read this one part?
[11:33]And I can't find my normal glasses so I like terrible,
[11:35]but please read anything.
[11:36]Can I read this section about texting,
[11:38]which was so funny?
[11:40]And I have the same thing as I'm sure so many people do
[11:43]and they forget to text people back or they see it
[11:45]and they're gonna do it later.
[11:46]But then they don't and then they're embarrassed.
[11:48]This is like my life.
[11:49]Anyway, can I read this one to you?
[11:51]This is the single sentence essay.
[11:53]Okay.
[11:54]Why, oh my God, I didn't realize it was one sentence,
[11:56]but that's even funnier.
[11:57]Oh my gosh.
[11:58]Well, I never responded to your text
[12:00]because when I saw the preview pop up,
[12:01]I could tell you were asking me a question and Kyle,
[12:04]which is by the way, my husband's name,
[12:05]was trying to explain to me why we didn't have the money
[12:08]or the time to paint the hallway,
[12:09]but he didn't know I'd already bought the paint
[12:10]and I just didn't have the mental energy
[12:12]to give anyone an answer to anything.
[12:14]So I decided it would make the most sense
[12:15]to leave your message unread so I'd remember to go back
[12:17]and reply later except it got buried by other messages.
[12:20]I also didn't read.
[12:21]And even though I've only had this phone for two months,
[12:23]I somehow have 33 unread texts
[12:25]and I just get completely overwhelmed every time I look
[12:27]at my home screen.
[12:28]And now it's been like five weeks since you texted
[12:30]and I've thought about writing you back a million times,
[12:32]but I was trying to come up with something more original
[12:34]than so sorry for the late reply
[12:36]because that's what I always say.
[12:37]And when I finally decided I was just going
[12:39]to pretend I missed your text altogether
[12:40]and come in with the classic but impenetrable,
[12:43]oh shit, I missed this.
[12:44]I realized you probably already found the answer elsewhere
[12:46]and that we're playing at this point
[12:47]would only result in yet another reply from you
[12:49]and it just seemed like the responsible thing to do,
[12:51]to delete your message.
[12:52]So it would stop haunting me
[12:54]and now you're probably mad at me.
[12:56]So good, so funny.
[12:58]So true.
[12:59]These are the things that like go through my mind all the time.
[13:01]And this is text.
[13:02]Now it's gotten too late,
[13:03]like the constant dialogue and all of that.
[13:08]I don't know, but this also speaks to one of the larger things
[13:11]which is like executive function or executive dysfunction,
[13:13]which you write about a lot in the book.
[13:15]Talk about that and how that plays into
[13:17]a sort of day-to-day interactions like texting.
[13:20]Oh, I mean, I just constantly feel behind in everything.
[13:26]Paperwork, bills, text, emails.
[13:29]I mean, I have seven different, 12 different email accounts
[13:33]and I will sometimes just start a new email account
[13:36]because I'm just like, I kid this one is too much
[13:39]and I'll end up with like, I'm gonna keep this email.
[13:41]I'm gonna keep this inbox clean.
[13:43]I'm gonna get inbox zero and then like two months later,
[13:45]I have 3,000 unread emails.
[13:47]And part of it is I work in media
[13:48]so I get pitched a lot at the wrong email address all the time
[13:51]wherever people can find me, they write me.
[13:53]But I also, you know, when someone I know and love writes me
[13:57]and I want to write them back, I'll read their email,
[13:59]but I'm on my way to something.
[14:00]And of course I'm late because I'm always late for everything
[14:03]or I'm behind on a deadline.
[14:05]I'm like, I'm gonna write back when I can write back in kind
[14:07]when I can really give this thoughtful response.
[14:09]Well, I'm sure we all know how the rest of that goes
[14:12]because then I get buried in other things
[14:14]and I get other emails and then I never get back to it.
[14:16]And then I feel terrible.
[14:19]And that happens with my dad has ADHD
[14:22]and he got diagnosed a few years before I did.
[14:25]Though no one told me until after I got diagnosed, interesting.
[14:28]Yeah, I remember when I was a teenager,
[14:29]I would come home and sometimes the electricity would be
[14:31]shut off or the water would be shut off.
[14:34]And it wasn't that he couldn't pay the bill.
[14:36]It's that this was, well, this was the 90s
[14:38]and you couldn't set up auto pay was part of it.
[14:40]And so he sometimes just forgot to pay the bill.
[14:43]And I am where I am today because of auto pay.
[14:45]And I will say that if auto pay did not exist,
[14:48]I would still have like the worst credit score.
[14:52]I would just be paying late fees all over the place.
[14:55]And when I say where I am today,
[14:57]I am in a new apartment that I am actually have movers
[14:59]moving my furniture in today.
[15:00]Beautiful. Thank you.
[15:02]And for the first time I got married and bought a house
[15:05]before I got diagnosed.
[15:07]So for the first time ever, like I applied for an apartment
[15:09]and I got approved within five minutes
[15:10]and everything was easy because before my diagnosis,
[15:13]before meds, before I understand that the tools
[15:16]and the systems I needed,
[15:17]even though I set up a lot of systems
[15:18]before I was diagnosed just to survive in the world.
[15:21]My credit was terrible.
[15:22]I never had money in the bank.
[15:23]I was just struggling and I was behind.
[15:25]And I went off to college with debt.
[15:27]So it's not like I had a great starting point financially,
[15:29]but I am in a much better place now
[15:32]because I understand my brain.
[15:35]I have systems in place to help me manage those things.
[15:38]I also have a full-time job that I love,
[15:40]a job that I've been at for two and a half years.
[15:42]And I, before my diagnosis, never stayed in a real,
[15:46]like a job job for more than nine months.
[15:48]He still has my executive function issues.
[15:50]My to-do list gets a little too long.
[15:52]And I scramble with time management and deadlines sometimes.
[15:56]But just the ability to stay on top of just like the mundane,
[16:02]day-to-day tasks associated with being an adult
[16:06]are very hard for people with ADHD
[16:07]because those things don't give us dopamine.
[16:10]They don't make my brain say,
[16:11]yes, let's get into this unless something terrible happens.
[16:15]Or I want to fix my credit to buy a house.
[16:19]Or I don't know, I want to go on a vacation and save money.
[16:22]Then I will start a spreadsheet and I will become obsessive
[16:26]and I will track everything.
[16:28]I will pay extra on my credit cards
[16:30]and track my credit score and track my payments
[16:33]and track my credit utilization percentage
[16:36]and blog into credit card every day.
[16:38]But that's only if I'm hyper-focused on a goal.
[16:40]And when I'm not, it's impossible for me to focus on those things.
[16:45]That happens in relationships sometimes too.
[16:47]I've written pretty publicly about my marriage ending.
[16:50]And I don't, there are a lot of reasons
[16:53]that my marriage ended many, many reasons.
[16:56]One is that my husband and I were like really matched
[16:59]attachment style.
[17:01]He really wanted to spend a lot of time together
[17:02]and I value my loan time.
[17:04]And I had to in our, and I had to focus on projects.
[17:07]So a few years ago, I had to set calendar reminders
[17:10]to say check in with Kyle, call Kyle, tell Kyle you love him
[17:14]because I would get so hyper-focused on things
[17:17]that were exciting to me that I wouldn't always check in
[17:21]in my marriage.
[17:22]And he took that as she doesn't love me.
[17:25]And that created a lot of problems.
[17:27]And so executive function can really affect
[17:29]more than just bills and calendars and texts.
[17:32]It really is even texts, right?
[17:34]Like I don't text my friends back.
[17:35]Do they think I hate them?
[17:37]I don't hate them.
[17:37]I love you friends if you're listening.
[17:38]I just couldn't reply to your text.
[17:41]It was a very rambly, early morning answer for you.
[17:44]I loved it.
[17:44]I loved it.
[17:45]I just want to sit and listen to you.
[17:46]I want the book to continue in my head with you.
[17:49]You can go listen to the audiobook now.
[17:51]Great, perfect.
[17:53]I loved your ideas of systems because like you,
[17:58]and I'm sorry that I'm, I feel like I'm using,
[18:00]it's like too personal.
[18:01]I'm like, this is, this is something I need
[18:03]because I'm constantly always just like a minute
[18:06]or too late for everything all day.
[18:08]And I'm always like just a little behind.
[18:11]And then I forget things all the time.
[18:12]And I'm like, anyway, like that's all day, every day.
[18:15]I mean, I'm not usually like too late.
[18:17]I rescue it.
[18:17]But I've always thought like even with the alarms,
[18:20]like you said, you said multiple alarms
[18:23]and you have it going off.
[18:24]So tell me your strategies for not being late.
[18:26]What are some of those?
[18:28]They don't always work.
[18:30]But one thing that does work that I found,
[18:32]it's like the only thing that really works for me.
[18:34]So I do set multiple alarms.
[18:35]I have an alarm on my phone, on my calendar.
[18:38]And there are like notifications on those.
[18:40]I also have Google Home Devices.
[18:42]I even have one next to my bed, like a nest.
[18:45]So I have it set an alarm for me.
[18:47]And then I set an alarm on my phone for every,
[18:49]like no, just for more.
[18:49]I'm creating an amp in the morning.
[18:51]But then for events, I do have a calendar reminder.
[18:54]So I have it send me an email, a day ahead,
[18:56]giving a notification in the morning,
[18:58]giving a notification 30 to 10 minutes before
[19:00]depending on the event, then it buzzes on my watch.
[19:03]So it goes on my phone, my computer, my watch.
[19:05]My Apple Watch, I will say, has changed my life.
[19:07]I've never been a watch person,
[19:09]but having a, like, I even have my watch face set
[19:12]to tell me my next thing.
[19:13]Like I see on my wrist what my next thing is
[19:17]and what time it is.
[19:18]The only thing, though, that is really, really,
[19:20]really helped me be on time to things.
[19:22]And it doesn't work for everything.
[19:23]But when I schedule an appointment,
[19:25]and I can't do this all the time, because then I would know.
[19:27]But when I schedule a dentist appointment six months out,
[19:30]or my psychiatry appointment three months out,
[19:32]because I have to see my psychiatrist every three months
[19:34]to get my meds refilled,
[19:35]or I schedule something kind of important.
[19:37]When I put it on my calendar,
[19:39]I put it on my calendar for 15 to 20 minutes earlier
[19:42]than it actually starts.
[19:44]But I can't do that every time,
[19:45]because if I did, then I would know.
[19:46]I'd be like, oh, I lied to myself.
[19:48]I do it just enough, and usually for more important things
[19:52]so that I don't catch on.
[19:55]And I question, like, I don't even know
[19:56]if I lied to myself or not.
[19:57]So I'd better be on time, like I just,
[19:59]and I work.
[20:00]toward that earlier time to get there and people have said to me over the years, if you
[20:04]cared, you'd be on time. You can be on time. You know, you don't want to be on time. I hate
[20:09]being late. It stresses me out so much. I hate it so much. It's not the good kind of dopamine.
[20:14]It's like, you know, I get stressed out. I get flustered. I don't want to show up anywhere
[20:17]flustered. That's not a good luck for me. I'm already like a hot mess sometimes. So there's
[20:22]something called time blindness. And that is the theme of the title. I'll just be five more minutes
[20:27]and the titular essay toward the end of the book. People with ADHD have a really hard time
[20:32]perceiving the passage of time. And so we think, oh, I can get ready in an hour. I can do this. I got this.
[20:38]And we just, we don't got this. But the same thing happens when we give ourselves two hours.
[20:44]Like, it's, there's just something like, I'm like, oh, I have two hours. Well, now I can do my hair.
[20:48]Or like, I wasn't going to wash my hair, but I have two hours. So now I'm going to wash my hair.
[20:51]But then I forget that I have really thick hair and it takes me like way too long to blow
[20:55]dry my hair. And then I've just style my hair. And then if my kid needs something or my dog gets out
[21:00]or like the phone rings, not that I answer it. But if somebody I feel like I need it,
[21:05]like any little thing can just throw us completely off. And it's really, it's just really hard.
[21:12]I wish that I had like a really great succinct explanation, but it's really hard to perceive
[21:17]the passage of time. And no matter what I do know at home, it's like no matter how much time I give
[21:22]myself, I'm going to be late. I see these memes on social media about like the worst thing
[21:28]for a person with ADHD is the middle of the day appointment. Like I was teasing you before we
[21:32]started recording this is very early. And I'm not a morning person, but an early morning,
[21:37]something is actually very good for me. Because if I have something like an important
[21:41]appointment at noon or one or two, my whole day has gone because I'm just like hyper focused on
[21:46]like, okay, I have this appointment. I can't do anything else. I can't focus on work. I can't do
[21:50]laundry. Like I'm I have to focus on getting to this appointment. And even if my brain is like
[21:55]completely focused on just getting to this mid-day appointment, I might still be late.
[22:00]What is your advice if someone is married to somebody like that? Or like your interrelationship,
[22:05]right? Yes, I would say number one, the most important thing is do not take it personally.
[22:12]If you are married to someone with ADHD, the fact that they are late for dinner or that they are not
[22:19]checking in with you when they're hyper focused on something. It's not about you. It's not because
[22:23]they don't love you. It's not because they don't care about you. It's because their brain is
[22:27]telling them focus on this right now. So not taking it personally is really important.
[22:32]Positive reinforcement is oh, that's a huge one. If you're a neurodivergent person, isn't giving you
[22:38]the attention you want, getting mad at them for it is the absolute worst thing you can do
[22:45]if my divorce is any indication. But you can raise them when they do give you attention and give
[22:51]them positive reinforcement. When they do make time for you, don't spend that time complaining about
[22:56]the time they don't make for you. Make that time something that their brain wants to come back to.
[23:00]And to have a sense of humor about them, about yourself, about life. I think for I think it's true for
[23:07]anyone, right? Like it's so hard to go through life, especially this life in this world with kids and
[23:13]jobs and stress. And if you can't have a sense of humor about it, it just makes everything so
[23:20]much worse. But again, like for really specifically being with someone who has ADHD, don't take it
[23:25]personally and focus on positive reinforcement versus negative. I mean, that's just good marriage advice
[23:32]in general. I have to say, yeah, anything, any behaviors you want to increase. It's true.
[23:37]And good parenting advice. And good parenting. Yeah. I've heard it for everything. I just haven't
[23:42]heard it as much for marriage. Yeah. Yeah. You remember your water bottle today for school. That's
[23:47]great. But not like, oh, you know, I don't know. I don't know. Recently, I told my husband that like
[23:55]logistics are my love language. Like if he can manage just one thing in the day, I am like so indebted
[24:03]to him. So if he like orders an Uber or I don't know what it is, something that makes like the
[24:08]logistics of the day, I'm like, oh my gosh. And I mean it. That's so much more valuable to me than like,
[24:14]I don't know, a thoughtful gift of some kind. Yes. Yes. You can make the day go smoother. That's
[24:19]it for me. Take something away from my brain that I don't have to do. Take one step away.
[24:24]Let's do something. Yeah. Yeah. I love them. And don't get mad. Just do it. Yeah. Amazing.
[24:29]Tell me more about your current job, your plans going forward. Like what we have to look forward to
[24:36]from you, all of that good stuff. So my day job is that I am a senior commerce writer at Bonapetit
[24:41]and Epicurious. And I love my job. It actually, I think is the perfect job for someone with ADHD
[24:47]because I write about shopping. So I get to shop online all day. Kind of, I mean, I obsessively
[24:55]research products. And then I obsessively test products. And then I write about them.
[25:02]Amazing. So and I have a food and drink background. So it's it's very, it's it's right at my
[25:07]alley. It's it's a really great fun, amazing job. And I'm so lucky to have it. And project wise,
[25:14]right now, I'm going to focus on writing more personal essays. I talked to my agent recently about,
[25:19]you know, a book project from, you know, the dopamine is flowing from a book. And I'm like,
[25:23]I'm not excited to write another book. But given this stage of life, I mean, I'm in some major
[25:27]life transitions. I don't feel like I have enough distance from them right now to commit to a book
[25:33]about them. But I am in a place in my life right now where I can write some essays. I have a lot
[25:39]to say about a lot of things. You know, I'm, I'm very excited about this new home. My divorce pad,
[25:44]I before I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I started writing an essay called like,
[25:48]Women Don't want to live with men anymore. And I was like, Oh, I can't write this because then my
[25:52]husband will divorce me. But now that I'm divorced or I'm not officially divorced, now that I'm
[25:57]getting a divorce, I could write that essay. And I just, I have a lot of things I want to say. And
[26:02]I think essay is a very good format for me because I do like the short form. And it's very personal.
[26:10]I think I'm going to stick with that for a while. And then, you know, I think the next book. I
[26:14]hope that the idea comes to me like the last one did like I'm out on a walk. And I'm like,
[26:18]that's the book. And then I will go and rattle another email off to my agent and he'll say,
[26:23]yes, this is the book. And I hope that's what happens. I imagine it would be essays again. We'll
[26:29]see. Who knows. Amazing. Well, I am a huge fan. I will read everything you do. I'm, where's the best
[26:36]place? Where do you write for the most? Where should people find your stuff? Well, so by day,
[26:41]Epicurious and Bon Appetite, I also have a sub stack that I'm really, really behind in. But it's
[26:45]that. Emily Ferris.substack.com. And Ferris is F-A-R-R-I-S from Philadelphia. And if you want, I
[26:55]since I mentioned my divorce, I have an essay about my divorce as it relates to the publication of
[27:01]my book at Cup of Joe. So there are places to find me on the internet. Perfect. Amazing. Well,
[27:08]Emily, congratulations. And thank you. I really am so rooting for you. Thank you so much. Thank
[27:13]you for having me. Pleasure. Have a great day. You too. Thanks for listening to mom's
[27:19]don't have time to read books. If you love it, please leave a review and follow us on social
[27:24]at city Owens and at city readers.