Taylor Hahn, A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

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[0:43]Taylor Han is the author of a home for the holidays and novel.

[0:47]Taylor is also the author of the lifestyle and the novella the wedding, the winery, and will.

[0:51]She is a graduate of Loyola Marymount University and Fordham University School of Law and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.

[0:57]Welcome Taylor, thank you so much for coming on Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books, discuss a home for the holidays.

[1:03]Congratulations.

[1:05]Thank you. I'm so so happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

[1:09]I mean, I know we're both so cheery today, but there are some sad themes to the book and loss and I'm so sorry that you lost your mom.

[1:17]I saw on February 2nd, 2022, that's a lot of twos.

[1:21]Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss, but I feel the way you infused the narrative with your own feelings.

[1:29]I'm guessing is what made it so powerful and so real and raw and I felt like that all came out.

[1:36]So anyway, thank you.

[1:39]Well, I'm glad that it resonated with you in that way.

[1:43]It certainly was part of my grief journey.

[1:46]I remember after my mom died saying to my husband, I felt like I wanted to write about this,

[1:51]but I really didn't know if I was capable because it is just so hard to be honest about the hardest feelings

[1:58]that you've ever had in your life and really drilled down on deeply how it's affecting you and then put it on the page.

[2:09]But I honestly feel like it helped me heal.

[2:12]I do. I feel like Barb and Henry and Mel helped me and I think of them as like real people that helped me grieve and heal.

[2:21]And I'm thankful to them for that.

[2:24]Oh, that's really nice. I like that. Can I ask how your mom died?

[2:29]I don't care to ask.

[2:31]Yeah, she died. I mean, she died suddenly.

[2:33]She had a stroke and passed away and it was very unexpected.

[2:37]So it was it was horrendous. I mean, it was the worst day of my life.

[2:42]So I feel like it's been two years now and it in a lot of ways still just feels like yesterday it's just stunning.

[2:50]So I am thankful that I have had an opportunity to really write about it and do a lot of processing.

[2:58]And I'm very thankful to my therapist who I also thanked in the acknowledgements.

[3:02]And I'm going to send her a copy of my husband's mom died four years ago and it still feels like it just happened.

[3:10]Like so years ago, it was like literally yesterday.

[3:13]So I don't know if that's very, it's just amazing to write a whole novel through the grief and everything is, you know, bonus points for whatever that's worth.

[3:23]I'm just sorry.

[3:25]Back to the book.

[3:27]Tell listeners what the book is about.

[3:31]Sure. So it's about a wedding singer named Mel and she has a complicated relationship with her mom.

[3:39]And two weeks before Christmas, she learns that her mom has died and it is unexpected for her as well.

[3:47]And she then really has nowhere to go over Christmas because she's broken up with her boyfriend and she really doesn't want to move back into her mom's house and face that grief.

[3:59]So she is contacted by this woman who's claiming to be her mom's estranged best friend named Barb.

[4:06]And she ultimately ends up moving in with Barb somewhat reluctantly kind of feeling like she has nowhere else to go.

[4:14]But then when she does move into Barb into Barb's house, she starts learning about her mom's life in ways that she never really thought possible and learned that her mom was trying to be a country music star,

[4:28]who has been wronged by this man.

[4:31]And she feels like she's confronted with the ways that she never knew her mom.

[4:37]I mean, I think that's kind of one of the themes I was trying to get at is that we never really know our mothers truly.

[4:43]And how devastating that is, but also kind of how beautiful it is that our moms have had this whole life before we even existed.

[4:50]And you know, it ends up being really transformative experience for her living with Barb and meeting her family and kind of confronting what she wants for herself in the process of looking back at her mom's life.

[5:05]I found it interesting when she's first getting to know Barb and she's showing her all the pictures that Barb tells the story of how hard it was to be Jewish on Broadway when she was starting out and how she changed her name.

[5:18]It's too Jewish for this thing, but not Jewish enough for that. Where did that piece of it come from?

[5:23]Yeah, I really wanted, so I wanted, it's a holiday book obviously, but I really didn't want it to be about Christmas only.

[5:30]You know, I wanted it to be inclusive of all the holidays.

[5:33]That's a way that I grew up to celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah.

[5:37]And I just think there's something so beautiful about that.

[5:40]So I really wanted the character of Barb to be Jewish.

[5:43]I mean, thinking through her life of trying to be on Broadway in that era in the late 70s and early 80s, that's how it would have been.

[5:52]I mean, that's probably how it still is, you know, so I unfortunately don't think that much has changed in that regard and so that just felt very authentic for her.

[6:01]And the character of Barb for me was very much inspired by Barbra Streisand. I always wonder if people are going to pick up on that.

[6:08]Well, you mentioned Barbra Streisand in the back sort of a giveaway, your little tell, you know, and then Barb's son, Henry, who she meets not even knowing who he was.

[6:21]and him is another character and how you saw that whole relationship developing.

[6:27]Yeah, so I really, I really love their journey because they're both coming together at a really difficult time in their lives.

[6:36]And have you read the book, Evie Drake starts over. No, it's really, it's a great book. I'd highly recommend it's by Linda Holmes and it is also similarly about these two people that are living in a house together.

[6:52]And they're both at a really hard time in their lives. And I just think that's a really fun dynamic, you know, kind of being stuck proximity wise.

[7:02]Spending a lot of time together and really getting to know the truth of someone early on. If you're living together, there are no secrets. So I loved that about the two of them.

[7:12]And I think that they have a really authentic relationship in that they're just so honest with each other. And I think that's so romantic and beautiful and and so true to falling in love quickly.

[7:27]Well, you also do a really nice job of writing about bad boyfriends, which is also hilarious from Camille who I don't know, maybe it wasn't his fault that they went away over Christmas, but anyway,

[7:43]Dan prioritizes or ban travel and just as the worst timing ever. Yeah. What are we to learn about dating and love and finding yourself and feeling alone in the wrong relationship and all of that.

[8:00]I think that a big takeaway came from. So the character of Dan is very unsupportive when her mother dies. He's very much like, okay, you were sad for a few days. And now it's time for you to not be sad anymore because it's affecting me personally. And I just want to move on from this.

[8:20]Let's get to another more reservation on time and just like, yeah, yeah, exactly. That was literally the complete opposite of my husband when my mom passed away who was just willing to just told me in bed while I cried, you know, just like everything.

[8:36]I don't know. I'm going to cry. But the ways that he was there for me during that time really inspired me opposite in Dan, because I was just thinking like, what would it really be like if you're with somebody who's just unwilling to tolerate your grief.

[8:53]And so I think the takeaway is that you have to be with someone who was just willing to let you be sad even if it affects their life, you know, yeah.

[9:04]Yeah. So the book was supposed to be somewhat different. Right. And then it ended up in this direction. Tell me the whole story of this book.

[9:10]Yes. So I had wanted to write a holiday book actually that who kind of been in my mind because I love, I just love the holidays and I'm always the person who watches every single, you know, holiday movie that comes on Netflix.

[9:26]So I thought that would be super fun. And I had envisioned a story that would involve people living in a house together and music is something that I really wanted to write about, which is the big part of the book as well and the holidays.

[9:41]But I didn't really know much more than that. And it was just a little bit of a vague idea. And I had started playing around with certain things, but then my mom passed away.

[9:53]And so, and that was truly at the time that I was trying to sell this novel.

[10:00]So I had kind of put together this outline for my agent and then I mean thank thank God

[10:06]for everyone that I was working with that were you know so flexible with me because I was

[10:11]like okay it's actually about this now and just really wrote the truth of you know my

[10:20]grief journey and it became a much deeper novel but still I do think it has its fun

[10:27]parts still I mean there's the whole there's the country music aspect of it and I love

[10:33]the 70s music aspect of it and there there's a lot of fun still but it did become much

[10:41]deeper and and more more serious I guess you could say and I really wrote it not really

[10:49]knowing where the journey would take me but I think what it ultimately became was a really

[10:54]just a re-imagining of this ending that I never got to have with my mom I mean imagine

[11:00]imagine the beauty that would come from like really getting to experience your mom's life in

[11:07]a new way after they're gone and so it was really yeah re-imagining for me no well the way it ends up

[11:16]I kind of dare people not to cry on the left page like it's just so full circle and so poignant

[11:23]oh my gosh you can just see it like it's a scene in a movie the whole thing it's so happy you feel

[11:29]that way oh it's like it's really I mean it's very powerful very very powerful did writing this make

[11:36]you cry like did you have days where you sat there and just cry it on the keyboard yes which is

[11:41]really an interesting experience for me I mean with my first book I do not cry but that was a very

[11:47]novel about swingers so and with that one I was just trying to make myself laugh but with this one

[11:55]yes I mean there are a few scenes I don't want to give any spoilers but there are a couple of scenes

[12:01]where the emotions are just so raw and really true to my experience and the complicated grief that

[12:08]I had and I really had to put myself back in that moment of just extreme grief and so yes I would just

[12:19]cry as I was writing and then I would you know I would wonder how is this going to affect other

[12:24]people like will they will they care will it resonate with them but I do think a lot of people

[12:31]have cried so I know it's having that effect on people but hopefully it makes me laugh and cry

[12:37]yeah I mean it's very clever you know page flipping and everyone has their I mean the holidays

[12:48]just highlight anything going on with the family right the tension or the loss or the comedy or

[12:54]all of it and it just like puts an extra spotlight you know like you turn an iPhone flashlight on

[12:59]it or something like that yeah yeah wait can you back up and tell me about like when you

[13:07]became a writer in your first book and how you had yeah successfully fed and like when you

[13:13]just give me the whole backstory yeah so my first novel is called The Lifestyle and it came out

[13:19]in June of 2022 and it's very different in that when I set out to write that book I really wanted

[13:26]to just write something kind of fun and feminist and it is about this woman who finds out her

[13:33]husband's having an affair and so instead of divorcing him or you know any of the more obvious

[13:39]solutions she says all right if you want to sleep with other people will become swingers and so

[13:45]they become swingers in New York and they just embark on this crazy journey of getting to know that

[13:51]and then throughout that process they really have to take a hard look at themselves and like what

[13:55]they actually want in life so that was very fun and and I think I wrote that book more for other

[14:05]people you know I was trying to entertain and when I wrote this one I was really writing it more

[14:10]for myself and just process everything that I had been through well the gift of entertainment is

[14:20]not to be minimized right putting on that can be what people need who are grieving you know some

[14:27]people want a reflection their emotions reflected back and I think others feel like they need

[14:32]that escape so there you go you have both both ends covered of the spectrum and of course

[14:38]for people who aren't grieving do of course but you know so did you want to be a writer forever

[14:43]like is that your first job like what was your first job over your internships and all of that

[14:48]oh yes so I did want to be a writer forever but I was always very very scared to pursue that dream

[14:55]I'm definitely a risk of a person and so I became a lawyer and I'm actually still a lawyer but

[15:03]I'm very lucky because I I help run the pro bono program out of firm and so I am able to write

[15:10]in my free time so I still do write in practice law but my first job was actually as a second grade

[15:16]teacher so I really were on the game your students must be so excited for you

[15:23]god they know but that would be really fun oh my one of my kids had a teacher who was also an

[15:30]author and thought it was like the coolest thing ever and of course I got the book right away and

[15:35]you know read them chapters of upcoming things and they thought that was so cool so

[15:41]that is really cool what made you go from teacher the lawyer oh good question I think I was number one

[15:51]probably just really searching to try to find myself I did teacher America so I taught for two

[15:57]years in Brooklyn and then when that concluded I was trying to ask myself what was next and

[16:03]law school felt like a good fit but again that's me being like a very risk of a person

[16:08]but honestly I don't regret it at all like being a lawyer made me a better writer for sure

[16:13]and I also think it it made me feel like more of a capable person like I feel like I was challenged

[16:22]in really important ways and kind of saw the more confident in my own capabilities which drove me

[16:28]to try to write later on interesting and I also when I was living in New York practicing law

[16:35]I was doing a lot of financial stuff and so at the time I really felt like I needed a

[16:39]creative outlet and so that's when I started writing the lifestyle oh yeah yeah so you lived

[16:47]in New York before and now you have an LA is that right or no yes okay oh and what are you

[16:51]doing on the two oh I know sensitive subjects it's okay I miss New York so much it I spent my

[17:00]20s there and I feel like it just became a formative part of my identity you know like leaving

[17:06]New York felt like leaving the person who I was behind and now I've lived in LA for five years

[17:14]and I'm still getting to know it okay yeah what did you move in the first place

[17:23]well I think getting out of New York City felt like a long-term necessity it's just a hard place

[17:31]to live do you live in New York or you live in both I mostly live in New York City but okay I

[17:36]wish I spent more time in LA but yeah I think it just felt long-term not that practical to stay

[17:45]there and so our firm my firm had an office in LA and I'm from the west coast so we thought

[17:51]we'd give it a shot nice yeah so didn't you say that your your mom died in in February of 2022

[17:59]your book came out just a couple minutes later yeah yeah it had a due to that it was a really

[18:08]incredible time of just the highest highs and the lowest lows because in addition to that

[18:12]I found out that I was pregnant six weeks after my mom died oh so it was it was just it was so

[18:22]indescribable really like having to grapple with the worst emotions and also having my dreams come

[18:29]true because I've been trying to get pregnant for five years and had been going through IVF and so

[18:36]I was actually in the process when she died and so I had to make the decision

[18:41]am I going to just call this off because this is just too much for me right now

[18:46]or keep going and I kept going and it was the first time that I'd ever gotten pregnant before

[18:52]and so it was like you know part of me felt like my mom was kind of shining down on me in that way

[19:01]and it was devastating though to had then have that news and just not be able to call her

[19:08]it was impossible to feel that much joy and that much grief at the same time but I think

[19:15]this is kind of evident in the book as well that I do feel like I've come to the conclusion that

[19:21]life is about is about holding all the pain and all the joy at the same time and being able to

[19:29]feel both things at once and know that both of them are valid you know at the same time that

[19:35]you can feel that much pain and that much joy together

[19:43]and then my book came out and I I'm from Phoenix and that's where she lived and we had the

[19:50]big event and to not have her there was unbelievable so I invited all of her friends so that was

[19:55]really fun they all came out to support oh my gosh are you

[20:00]for Hannah new book now.

[20:01]I am, but I'm also trying to enjoy the process

[20:05]of this one coming out.

[20:07]I feel like there's this kind of incentive

[20:10]as an author to just think like I have to keep writing.

[20:12]What am I gonna do next?

[20:14]What's my next book?

[20:15]And I started to do that.

[20:18]And I'm trying to write something that is different again.

[20:21]I feel like all my books are gonna be different.

[20:22]This one is more of like a political romantic drama.

[20:27]Like I told my agent it's gonna be like scandal.

[20:30]Oh, so I'm excited about it,

[20:33]but I'm also trying to not rush it.

[20:35]I really just want to enjoy this time

[20:37]of a home for the holidays coming out.

[20:40]Good for you.

[20:41]Yeah. Do you have plans?

[20:43]I know this is like a hundred years away.

[20:44]I mean, not really, but several months.

[20:47]Have you talked about your plans for the holidays

[20:49]or how you're gonna get through them?

[20:51]Is that a happy time or a sad time?

[20:53]Or I think it's a very happy time now

[20:55]that I have my baby because it's just so fun

[20:59]to celebrate with her.

[21:00]And she doesn't really get it yet,

[21:02]but I'm excited for her to start to enjoy that process.

[21:07]That'll be great.

[21:08]We'll congratulate you.

[21:09]Your baby.

[21:10]Thank you.

[21:11]I love the lack of my God, it's awesome.

[21:13]Yeah.

[21:15]In your spare time, what do you like to read?

[21:18]Oh my gosh.

[21:18]Well, I'm about to start sandwich by Katherine Newman,

[21:21]who I've fallen in love with her

[21:23]because of all of her amazing articles on a couple of Joe.

[21:28]He's with Joanna Goddard.

[21:30]So I'm really excited about that.

[21:33]The last book I read was One Star Romance by Laura Hankin.

[21:37]So I love, I mean, you mentioned earlier like escapism.

[21:41]I do love that.

[21:42]I love a thoughtful escape.

[21:44]I would say that's probably my jam.

[21:48]A thoughtful escape.

[21:50]Yeah.

[21:51]The retreats that we do.

[21:53]Oh, yeah.

[21:54]I love that.

[21:55]Yeah.

[21:57]I don't know if we'll see which.

[21:58]Amazing.

[21:59]Well, what's the thing you're most looking forward to

[22:01]about this book coming out?

[22:03]I think having it resonate with other people is amazing

[22:07]because as I was writing it, if I'm pouring my heart

[22:11]onto the page, the whole time I'm thinking,

[22:14]does anybody care about this?

[22:16]Or is this just what I went through personally?

[22:19]But hearing you say that it affected you

[22:22]or in hearing anyone say that it resonated with them

[22:25]in any way or inspired some kind of emotions,

[22:28]that just makes me feel like so much less alone.

[22:33]So I'm really happy about that.

[22:36]It is impossible to read without feeling emotions.

[22:39]This book, honestly, you take us right there.

[22:42]You're right.

[22:43]I mean, it's very moving.

[22:46]It's very moving.

[22:47]Thank you.

[22:47]I'm glad you feel that way.

[22:49]Well, thank you Taylor.

[22:50]This was really fun.

[22:51]Thank you.

[22:52]I found out how many funds the wrong word,

[22:54]but it was really, I don't know.

[22:57]Great.

[22:57]I don't know.

[22:58]I had a great time, even though we talked about hard things.

[23:00]Yeah.

[23:01]Thank you for the holidays and congratulations.

[23:04]And I'll be following along.

[23:06]Can't wait.

[23:07]Thank you.

[23:08]Thanks for having me and great to meet you.

[23:10]Great to meet you too.

[23:11]I'll see you in a life.

[23:12]Bye.

[23:13]Bye.

[23:15]Thanks for listening.

[23:16]To mom, don't have time to read books.

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