Tamsen Fadal, HOW TO MENOPAUSE: Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life, and Feel Even Better Than Before
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[0:45]Tamsen Fadal is the author of How to Metapause.
[0:48]Take charge of your life, reclaim your life, and feel even better than before.
[0:52]Tamsen is an Emmy award-winning journalist, documentary filmmaker, and menopause advocate, known
[0:57]as social media's midlife mentor, her candor, and relatability have established her as
[1:02]a leading voice in the menopause space, with a passionate loyal social media audience
[1:06]of three plus million.
[1:08]Tamsen is the creator, producer, and co-executive producer of the PBS documentary The
[1:13]M Factor, Shredding the Silence on Menopause, which is the first documentary of its kind,
[1:19]confronting the neglected menopause crisis, challenging societal and medical shortcomings
[1:23]and advocating for a revolutionary approach to women's health.
[1:27]From the boardroom to the South by Southwest stage to Capitol Hill, she advocates for
[1:31]policies that eliminate the stigma of menopause, and foster a work environment where women
[1:36]feel comfortable discussing and managing their midlife health journey.
[1:41]After more than three decades as a television news anchor, Tamsen made the bold decision
[1:45]to pivot her career towards women's health advocacy.
[1:48]She's the best friend guiding women through midlife and beyond, a one-stop resource
[1:51]for everything they need to know to live their best lives.
[1:55]Truly passionate about health, Tamsen holds a certificate in holistic health coaching
[1:59]from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.
[2:01]By the way, so do I.
[2:02]I did that like a hundred years ago.
[2:04]Serves on the Bet National Board of Let's Talk Menopause and is a strong voice in the fight
[2:07]against breast cancer after losing her mother to the disease in 1990.
[2:12]Her regular appearances in media outlets include Oprah Daily, The Today Show, The New York
[2:15]Times, and the Harvard Business Review.
[2:18]Tamsen lives in New York City with her husband, Ira Bernstein.
[2:21]Welcome, Tamsen.
[2:22]Thank you so much for coming.
[2:24]On Mamsen, I have time to read books to discuss how to menopause.
[2:28]So excited.
[2:29]Thank you so much for writing this book and thank you for being here today.
[2:32]Thank you.
[2:33]Thanks for having me.
[2:34]So you are a total expert.
[2:36]You've already done a whole documentary.
[2:39]You're like just here to help everyone.
[2:42]Talk about when and why you pivoted your career.
[2:46]You've changed your whole branding and you've gone into the menopause life.
[2:50]So talk about the whole thing.
[2:51]Yeah.
[2:52]I don't even know when it all happened.
[2:54]If I look at it, I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh, I feel like I've been a journalist
[2:58]forever and I had an incident one night in November of 2019 that landed me on the floor
[3:04]of the ladies room while I was in the middle of a news broadcast.
[3:08]I used to broadcast the evening news in New York with WPAX TV.
[3:12]And I did that forever.
[3:13]And I thought I was going to do that forever.
[3:15]And I landed on the floor, not knowing what was wrong.
[3:17]One of my coworkers brought me there.
[3:19]I had had this severe anxiety and what felt like just a flush of fever all over my body.
[3:26]And my heart racing out of control and the heart was the thing that scared me the most.
[3:30]I wound up going to the, I recovered after not too long went, went to the doctor within
[3:34]the following weeks and I ended up eventually with a note in my patient portal because
[3:39]I didn't originally go to a gynecologist.
[3:41]I originally went to a therapist, I said, maybe it's anxiety, maybe you need some antidepressants.
[3:46]I wound up going to my gynecologist and I got a note and it had four words in it and said,
[3:50]in menopause any questions, that was what was in my patient portal.
[3:53]And I went, what?
[3:54]I'm too young for that, but I was 49 at the time.
[3:57]So obviously not too young, but I had no idea.
[4:00]And that sent me down this kind of rabbit hole of trying to figure out what was going
[4:04]on, how this, how this happened to me because I hadn't heard anybody talk about it.
[4:10]Finally realized that, you know, half the world was going to be a menopause by the year 2025.
[4:16]And this was 2019, 2020 when I got the, got that news.
[4:21]And so I started talking about it, you know, with people, I didn't get a lot of information,
[4:25]started asking questions, questions, questions, and that, you know, that's where we are today.
[4:30]Constant questions led me to, to this really with very few answers.
[4:34]And so what did you do next?
[4:35]How did you start learning and taking what happened to you to be science and all of the rest?
[4:41]Yeah, I, you know, I took those and I said, like, you know, I need to do something with this
[4:45]information. I was getting a lot of it.
[4:46]I talked to a friend of mine who was going through the same thing who had been
[4:49]reproduced from the today show, Joanne Lamarka.
[4:52]And she said, we need to put this together somehow to help women.
[4:56]And so we ended up saying like, all right, let's see if we can just put a film together.
[4:59]We can throw it up on YouTube just to give women some answers.
[5:03]But luckily we ran across two women in L.A. who were documentarians and we joined forces
[5:08]together. And that's how the documentary was born, the end factor, shredding the silence on menopause
[5:13]is about a three year journey of putting that together, interviewing doctors all over
[5:17]the country, interviewing women, sharing their story from all over the country.
[5:21]And then PBS picked it up, which was super exciting.
[5:24]And let me know that there's a real audience for it because I had gotten a lot of,
[5:28]there's a lot of audience for this from menopause. No one wants to talk about menopause.
[5:31]It's kind of a, you know, just not aware that people want to bring it, just be a little quiet
[5:35]with it. So we were working on the documentary at the same time. I realized I had so many
[5:39]interviews that I was doing and wanted to do that. I approached the publisher about a book.
[5:44]And so I said, it's kind of the what to expect when you're expecting, but it's
[5:48]how to menopause, how to pair it like what to do. And that's how the book came about.
[5:52]So while the film has a number of interviews in it, the book has 42.
[5:56]And I was able to, you know, go a little bit deeper with the book and go into sleep and go
[6:02]nutrition and wellness and talk about our bodies and how they change and how everything kind of
[6:06]changes during this time. And I think I found some women that were just really my, the community has
[6:12]helped me, has helped guide me to understand what they want to talk about, what we all want to talk
[6:17]about together. So it's been an incredible journey, an incredible journey. And when you opened up and
[6:22]asked women to talk, what did you hear? Oh my gosh, you know what? Some of the raw stories I've
[6:27]ever heard before, you know, being a journalist, I've heard thousands and thousands of different
[6:31]type of stories. But this one hit me personally. And I think that that's why I dove so deep into it.
[6:37]But I would hear things that were going on with the partners how, you know, their sex life is
[6:41]different, how they went from having children to going right into Perry menopause or being in
[6:46]Perry menopause at the same time, trying to understand, you know, what to do at this stage when
[6:51]their body feels different, how to dress different, how their skin is different, their hair,
[6:56]very vulnerable stories. But I think the one through line is the mindset, you know, I think that
[7:01]that is the one through line of saying, wow, this is this different season in my life. And I think
[7:06]a lot of us feel maybe we're not so relevant anymore. Maybe we're feeling a little invisible. Maybe
[7:11]we want to do something different than what we were doing before. So I feel like their questions
[7:15]have led me down these different, these different paths that I didn't think had anything to do
[7:19]with menopause. But I realized all I wanted to be part of the book because they were all part of
[7:23]the journey that all of us had been on together and are still going on together. And so how do you
[7:29]menopause, like what was here? And how do you know where the time is? Very careful. You know,
[7:36]I think that the biggest thing that I learned that I've, I've, I've known all along community was
[7:41]important. I, and we've all heard that in any season of life that we're in. I don't think I've
[7:46]ever seen it quite so important to this one of having community, having other women to talk to,
[7:52]being aware that doctors are don't get a lot of training when it comes to menopause,
[7:56]the women feel very dismissed. They feel like they don't know what's going on. So I think,
[8:00]you know, when you say like, how do you menopause, you have to be your biggest advocate. And I
[8:05]hate to put that on us on women. But unfortunately, that's the case. There's not a ton of research
[8:09]out there that makes women feel comfortable. There are not large amounts of education going on
[8:14]with doctors. So doctors have to learn a lot on their own. And so I think you have to
[8:18]how to menopause, you know, you have to be your advocate first. Then you have to also know that
[8:23]this is a season that can be a really beautiful one. It doesn't have to be all dread and pain
[8:27]and suffering. And there are ways to not suffer. And that's what, that's what I wanted to get across
[8:31]in a book more than anything else. Because, you know, a lot of us go through that,
[8:35]a lot of us think that they just suck it up and it'll all be okay. And that's not the case.
[8:38]And we explain what is the beauty. Where does the beauty come in?
[8:42]And if how this is beauty, you know, that's what I said at first. I was like, what, now,
[8:47]are you just saying that? So I don't feel so scared about it. But you know what I think? I
[8:51]think there is quite, there's a bit of freedom, you know, that comes in this time in life. I
[8:55]think we all hear the phrase like, Oh, I don't, I don't care what I say anymore. I'm not even
[8:58]filtered anymore. Age has done this to me. But what I think really does it is there's this bit of
[9:03]time that you have to take a pause and take care of yourself, finally. And I think as women,
[9:07]we don't really spend a lot of time doing that. We almost ask for permission to have that time
[9:11]to take care of ourselves. And I think this is the time that we have no choice but to do that.
[9:15]I found an incredible freedom in feeling okay to step away from the only job that I had ever known
[9:21]for, you know, decades of being a journalist thinking that was the only title that was going to make
[9:26]me relevant and not knowing that there was this whole other world out there. And then I also think
[9:31]that, you know, helping educate women and helping take that part of my voice of asking questions
[9:37]and teaching them has made me feel like it's just so whole, a whole like I've never felt before.
[9:42]So there's some beauty that comes with that. I mean, you know, a lot of people are like,
[9:45]oh, there's beauty. You don't have your period anymore. And of course that's that's one of them.
[9:49]But I think for me that the bigger part of it is that freedom of my mindset of knowing that like
[9:54]this is my time to really to nurture myself. So in those moments when you were changing careers,
[9:59]not to keep.
[10:00]I'm jumping around, but I find that that's very empowering and I know so many people especially at this time of life are ready to take something else on or they're like, wait, I'm smart and I'm motivated, but what do I do and where do I go like, how did you manage that transition and where you ever feeling like, oh, this is a mistake, I'm too scared to go this direction.
[10:19]As I was signing off, I was saying that's the same thing. They were like throwing a party for me in the studio that day and and to say, you know, Tams has been here for how many years and here's your old videos and and I was like, oh my gosh, am I do. Do I do I need to take this all back? Is it too late? No, you know, I think that that fear just comes with that. I mean, I think it just does like anything new, anything different, anything that is.
[10:44]makes you step outside of your comfort zone and I'm certainly outside of my comfort zone. You know, I'm not a doctor. I'm a journalist. That's what I am by trade. I'm a storyteller and so I knew that I was going to carry that part with me and yes, that pivot came with a lot of planning.
[11:01]It came with a lot of, you know, back and forth. My mom always used to say to me, like, do the list of the pros and cons and I thought really for something this important like this feels more important than just the pros and cons list.
[11:12]But yeah, it came with a lot of fear and and there's some days I wake up and I go, gosh, it would have been a lot easier just to go into the studio today and know what what I was going to do at the end of the day versus the documentary. I didn't really, I'd never done one before. I wasn't sure what the reaction was going to be.
[11:29]It turns out that it's now been seen in over 35 countries and I I was now I'm not in any way prepared for for what's happened.
[11:38]But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world and when I'm stopped on the street by somebody that says like I went to the doctor and I asked questions or I'm feeling better or thank you. Then I know I'm on the right path. It's almost like it's almost like just when I get a little bit nervous about what I you know where I am.
[11:53]It's a big sprinkle that I've had to let me know it's like little bread crumbs. Let me know I'm going the right way.
[11:57]And so you know I would never say to anybody like just be fearless because I don't know how to do that.
[12:02]But I definitely do know how to take one step at a time and that's that's what it took.
[12:06]And so in the book, what should women do when they're ready to take care of themselves and make themselves a priority pay attention to the signs.
[12:15]Then what like what is the most and also how do you tell the difference between the fact that we're aging versus a hormonal shift like where is the line between just like how to menopause versus how to age gracefully.
[12:30]Well, you know, I told you I threw out my back before weekend. So I'm like, Oh my gosh, maybe that's a, that's not for sure.
[12:35]It's a really good question. You know, I always say if a woman is in their late 30s into their 40s, they should start looking for some of these different symptoms that you will normally see.
[12:45]So you're not playing, playing whack them with them because all women are going to go through the Perry menopause and then into menopause menopause is really only one day.
[12:52]It's the one day that you haven't had your period for 12 months. And so anything up before that is Perry menopause. So if you are staying hair loss or dry skin, if you are, you know, feeling like you don't have any libido.
[13:05]If you are feeling this increasing, you know, heat come over you at different weird times.
[13:11]You used to be the person that would fall into bed and go to sleep and that's not happening anymore.
[13:15]If you are feeling like you're gaining weight in different areas, even though you're eating the same and working out the same, you know, many of those are the symptoms of Perry menopause.
[13:24]And it really doesn't mean anything except that your hormones are starting to fluctuate a bit.
[13:28]I would say this. I would say that I wish that I had known earlier so I could have gone, Oh, I got it. That's what this is. And now I can start addressing some of those things versus
[13:38]like gosh, there's something seriously wrong with me. And what do I do about it? Because I think the fear comes with a not knowing.
[13:44]So true. So what advice then, if you have somebody who has a lot of symptoms, do they go to the doctor? Do they, how do they know they have the right doctor?
[13:54]Because I've gone to, I've gone to a lot of like events and things about this and one advice is like advocate for yourself and, but it's so hard to know when you're in your doctor's office.
[14:03]And so I have the right doctor. How do you even know?
[14:07]Yeah, you know, I actually did a script in the book because because I live my life by scripts, but also because I think it's really important that you feel empowered because I don't think it's so easy to say to a woman or anybody.
[14:18]Go advocate for yourself and you're not feeling 100% or go advocate for yourself when this person's had 15 years of training and you have it, you know, in this, in this area.
[14:28]And to ask really direct questions, like, you know, I'm 43 years old, I know that at some point, parent menopause and menopause are going to be something I'm dealing with. Could this be it.
[14:37]I think you have to ask really direct questions. We get seven to 15 minutes with our doctors at some point.
[14:42]I would even start with a nurse practitioner or somebody who's in that room. So you're setting it up.
[14:47]I would make, I would make sure to ask a very direct question. Are you comfortable talking about options for me? Are you comfortable talking about hormone therapy if that's an option that you would want?
[14:56]If it's not an option. Are you comfortable talking about other options that I have? And I, you know, at the doctor, I was going to I'd gone to for 20 plus years. So with somebody I'd been through everything through endometrium polyps through everything.
[15:08]And I was really sad to leave them because it was such a comfort level. And I just thought like, you know, I had this cell phone, you know, I was very comfortable with my, with my doctor.
[15:18]But I wasn't comfortable with what was happening to me that I was still having to go figure it all out and feeling like I was being crazy by continuing to ask these questions.
[15:26]So I found a doctor that was, you know, that specialized in menopause and really understood it.
[15:31]And not only understood hormones and how to talk about them, but understood the lifestyle changes because I'm not one that says just got hormones and you know, it'll all work out.
[15:40]I have to know your options. My mother died of breast cancer. So if she had survived breast cancer, most likely she wouldn't have been able to do hormones and she would have had to have another option out there.
[15:49]So that's really important that women that are in that area are part of the conversation, but most important to me that women in their late 30s of 40s don't suffer because those are awesome times and you should be feeling amazing and not feeling like, you know, you've got to just sit there and silence.
[16:06]Everything I'm wondering about is how you have done your branding because I'm kind of obsessed with all of it you it's from the website to Instagram and I've been following.
[16:16]I've been getting your newsletter forever right like every week we have another like question or what are we tackling or whatever something inspiring and then you even have all these workshops that you can add on and this new bonus campaign and it's it's really smart marketing.
[16:30]Tell me about that. Are you working with the firm. Are you just a marketing genius. Like what do you have? I'm not a marketing genius. No, I don't have a marketing firm or anything. I have something that does my website.
[16:40]It's sky high interactive. It's a woman named Becca who I adore. I was working with her before I was even into all this and we had put together a website just.
[16:49]It was just a personal website. And then I said to her, I think we've got to make some changes on all of this because we are going into another area and she goes, okay, that's really different than being a news journalist.
[17:01]But I think what was important to me with all of it is providing information that I couldn't find anywhere in one place.
[17:07]So for me, you know, constantly changing it because I want to add more stuff and more stuff and I would be adding stuff every single day if I if I could.
[17:15]So it's important me two things for it to be clear and actionable because there's nothing worse when you have brain fog or brain fog another big one that I didn't mention before.
[17:24]When you have brain fog or can't remember things like what to do. And I don't think it's fair to tell women like, Oh, here, here, here, here, Google.
[17:32]Because you can find a lot when you Google. So I wanted to make sure I put as many vetted resources that I could on the website.
[17:38]And I'm still trying to build that out the best I can. And then with social, I don't know, we really have a good time with it. You know, I do have some people that help me with the social now because we're going from event to events and want to get interviews with the women that are there.
[17:51]And that's been fun. And so we just try to set out and really look at what the community is talking about, whether it's on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok.
[17:59]And then say, how do we address some of those things as we go forward. So we don't have like, I don't know, calendars, Wayne advance and planning skills.
[18:06]I don't know how many of that because I couldn't even think of our advance, but we just try to move, but I just can't. And everyone so annoyed with me about it right now. Like we need a plan.
[18:14]I have a plan. My plan is tomorrow. But we have a really good time with kind of moving those things out. And so if we, you know, shoot content will, you know, we'll do like stuff in the kitchen for a few days in advance to make sure that's like done.
[18:26]But I can't say oh in March 15th, here's what we're going to put on the calendar. I just, I think we have to go with the flow of the of the community and what we're, you know, what we're hearing.
[18:36]And once we did the documentary, that was like a source of so many women talking about what they wanted to know and what was confusing to them. So every time I see a lot, then I try to put together one of those PDFs to kind of put it all in one place.
[18:49]I'm glad you noticed it.
[18:51]Oh my gosh, do I love it. I love it. Thank you.
[18:54]I just try to do what's easy in my brain.
[18:56]It really, I can't get it. I can't be in clutter because then I can't process anything and the brain fog made me like.
[19:02]Yeah, it's helpful. And I'm happy to pass all those things.
[19:05]This is insane. All of it. It's really good.
[19:07]Yeah, it's good.
[19:08]It's really good. Thank you.
[19:10]Do you ever wonder like if women particularly at this stage stopped worrying about all of this stuff, right? If there was a solution, if they knew and could like put it in a box or like you're saying because they understand the symptoms and just can put it aside or stop worrying about
[19:25]their bodies really in any way and focus on other stuff, like the power of that to have all that extra mind space freed up.
[19:35]Oh my gosh.
[19:36]I, you know what, I do think about that a lot because I always think of where we are at this time in life. Like, you know, we're in this place where we're at the peak of so many things.
[19:45]We've got that wisdom, right? And we're thriving and like my 40s were an awesome time. My 30s were awesome time. And I want things to not feel so scary and I would like that. I'd like you to know that like, hey, we're going to do this and this is where it's going to happen.
[20:00]which is why I think there should be some kind of baseline in women's health care because I
[20:04]think a lot of times we don't have it. We don't have time to, you know, go to five different
[20:08]doctors or means to go to 20 different doctors to figure out what's going on. And if we knew
[20:12]that it was that and then we had five solutions, whatever it is, this person can do this,
[20:17]this person can do that, it would be nice. I mean, I know that everybody comes by
[20:21]differently. The intensity of symptoms are definitely the length of time. You're going to have
[20:25]different symptoms. I'm going to have, and I understand all that stuff. But I think that there
[20:29]is some kind of comfort in knowing what you're dealing with. And then so you can, we're a solution
[20:34]oriented, right? Women are like, tell me what the problem is and we'll solve it. That's what I
[20:39]think. When I talk to men oftentimes, it's like, what's the problem? All right, well, let's see,
[20:43]you know, women's like, let's get to the source and figure it out. And so I would love to see that in
[20:47]time with research. And that's what we're, you know, that's what we're fighting for all the time because
[20:52]I think it's, you know, we have to take charge of our own health. Nobody else is going to do it
[20:55]for us, right? I was so sorry to hear about your mom. What do you think she would make of your whole
[21:00]career right now? What would she say if she could see you? I don't know. I think she'd be on a
[21:04]shot. I don't know. You know, she died when I was in college. And so she never knew, you know, what I
[21:10]what I what I ever did. But well, I hope she does. You know, I hope she looks down and knows,
[21:14]but I hope that I do it. So nobody else suffered like she did. You know, she went through
[21:21]chemotherapy. And during that time, she was sweating all the time and hot. And we go into a restaurant
[21:27]out of a restaurant. She couldn't stay anywhere. And we'd all kind of laugh it off together. And when
[21:31]I look back now, it was a few years ago. And I said, wow, she must have been in menopause. And then
[21:36]I got more information that a lot of women that go through, you know, she did a double mastectomy
[21:41]and chemotherapy and radiation. She obviously went through a surgical menopause. But they'd never
[21:45]said the word. And I don't even know if she knew she was in it. And maybe she did. But she never
[21:49]told me. And I even asked my, my dad, he was 82 at the time. And I said,
[21:54]did mom ever say that she was in menopause? And he said, I had no idea until I started listening
[21:58]to some of your videos and interviews. It's not unbelievable. So all these years later,
[22:03]we had no idea. So I hope that she would be grateful that, you know, maybe there's another woman
[22:09]out there or millions of women that don't don't have to suffer not knowing. I hope so.
[22:14]Thank you for that question. It was a really kind question.
[22:17]But what is left for you now? What is on your wish list? Are we starting the Thames and Fiddell
[22:22]Center for Women's Health? Where are we going with this? I would love that. I would love to be
[22:28]helping more women. Yeah, I think that my goal is to advocate for more women, find not only the
[22:33]education now, but the access. I think that that's really important because we can talk about it
[22:37]forever in panels and have these conversations. But now we have to get women in the real help.
[22:42]You know, and I think that that's what's most important to me is figuring out ways to partner to do
[22:47]that because I think that none of us can do it by ourselves. And I do really think that there's
[22:52]got to be an answer for women. There's got to be something that they can go to. So they're not like,
[22:56]hey, thanks for that. Now, what do I do? You know, because we're talking about women in all
[23:00]different areas, not just women in New York and LA in these big cities. We're talking about women
[23:04]that don't have access to an OBGYN or have to travel miles for it or don't have the time to take
[23:10]off and go see a doctor, take up five hours off of work. So that's really the next part that I'd
[23:15]like to focus on is that access because I think it's critical and workplace too. Because each one of
[23:20]us work in a different kind of environment. And I think it's important for employers to know what's
[23:24]going on and, you know, figure out if there's ways depending on the work environment to help these
[23:28]women. I want to do like a screening. I know it's too late. It's already out, but still,
[23:32]do you still do that? Oh, no, they're going on everywhere. Yes. We have hundreds coming up
[23:37]across the world. I would be on it. I mean, love to do that. Yeah. Yeah, please do. I'll get it set
[23:44]up with you personally. Yeah, absolutely. I would love that. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, the
[23:48]documentary has been an interesting to hear women talk and react to what they didn't know. And so
[23:53]it makes me feel really good. Really good for you. Thank you for helping so many people. It's really
[23:57]amazing. Oh gosh, thanks for us. Thanks for what you do. You're the like, you're the woman that
[24:03]lifts up all of them. So thank you for that. Thank you. All right, you're doing.
[24:07]All congratulations. And I'm so excited to see all the places this book will go.
[24:12]Oh, thank you so much. Okay. Bye, Tansen. Thank you. Bye.
[24:17]Don't let her with your back. Thank you so much. Bye bye. Thank you for listening to
[24:22]totally booked with Zibi. Formerly, mom's don't have time to read books. If you loved the show,
[24:27]tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram at Zibi Owens, and spread the word.
[24:34]Thanks so much. Oh, and bye the books.