Samantha Bee, HOW TO SURVIVE MENOPAUSE
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[0:45]Samantha Bee is the author of How to Survive Menopause.
[0:48]It's an audible original.
[0:50]She currently hosts the weekly podcast, Choice Words, with Samantha Bee, and the daily
[0:54]beast podcast with Joanna Coles, both of which you should immediately subscribe to, literally
[0:59]stop reading this and do it.
[1:01]That's in the bio.
[1:02]That's so genius.
[1:03]Anyway, in case you were curious, Samantha Bee was born and raised in Toronto, Canada.
[1:08]She joined the daily show with Jon Stewart's Best Fing News team on Comedy Central in 2003,
[1:14]and later received global recognition from the success of her very own weekly late-night
[1:18]comedy series Full Frontal with Samantha Bee.
[1:22]Full Frontal premiered in 2016 and ran for seven seasons on TBS, but no longer exists.
[1:28]Bee is the author of the essay collection I know I am, but what are you?
[1:32]And has been honored as one of time 100's most influential people.
[1:36]In 2023, Bee embarked on her first national tour, Your Favorite Woman, The Joy of Sex
[1:41]Education, where she completed a 31-city run, including sold-out dates at the Kennedy Center
[1:46]in Washington, D.C., RIP.
[1:48]Her new show, How to Survive Menopause, is currently touring, and she hopes the run will
[1:52]last as long as Perry Menopause, two to 14 years.
[1:55]Hi, Sam.
[1:56]Thanks so much for coming on totally bucked.
[1:58]I'm so excited to talk to you about menopause and everything else.
[2:02]Thank you.
[2:03]I'm so excited to talk to you too.
[2:04]Oh my gosh, I love the flower on your jacket.
[2:06]I know.
[2:07]Thank you.
[2:08]Yes, so pretty.
[2:09]Very pretty.
[2:10]I wasn't sure if this was too, you know, grandma-ish or if it was home.
[2:14]No, I just went.
[2:15]I just went with it.
[2:16]I determined that it was cool.
[2:18]I said, so therefore it is.
[2:20]Therefore, thank you.
[2:21]Yes.
[2:22]The ultimate authority on anything.
[2:23]I will defer to you for all future outfits.
[2:26]I loved listening to your live show.
[2:28]It was so cool that you released it even as an audible original, like so genius, to do
[2:33]that so that everybody who wasn't there can feel like they were a part of the audience
[2:36]and all of that and just get to feel like they can listen instead of having to watch a
[2:42]show and all of that.
[2:43]Yeah.
[2:44]I like that.
[2:45]I think it's because I am such a listener, like I always, I don't always have something
[2:51]in my ear, but I really, I do love to listen to people talk.
[2:56]I like to listen to comedy shows in that format and I listen to audiobooks and I really,
[3:02]I just, I love that experience.
[3:03]I've always been kind of a radio kid.
[3:05]I love them.
[3:06]And of course now you can just listen to my podcast all the time.
[3:09]100% right?
[3:10]Yes.
[3:11]Yes.
[3:12]Exactly.
[3:13]I can't even pick which, like many of the jokes I related to the most because I related
[3:18]to basically all of them, but the shoulder one is the frozen shoulder is the one that got
[3:23]me the most.
[3:24]I literally, with my son the other day, I was like, look at this, I can't raise my hand.
[3:28]That's my daughter.
[3:29]And he's like, why?
[3:30]I'm like, I don't know what you have frozen shoulder right now.
[3:34]I went to the doctor and they gave me like an injection or whatever or so.
[3:37]Okay.
[3:38]I had that better.
[3:39]But you had that too.
[3:40]And then I had that injection also.
[3:43]But guess what?
[3:44]Well, this is not, I'm not going to make you feel good when I say this next thing.
[3:47]Yeah, it's going to come back.
[3:48]I'm so sorry.
[3:49]I'm so sorry.
[3:50]I'm actually getting it on the other side.
[3:52]Oh, no.
[3:53]Just later.
[3:54]And they did tell me that that happens so often.
[3:59]It's so common that I think it's the main difference and the reason why it's not so terrible
[4:05]is because I actually know how to deal with it now, whereas previously, like what
[4:11]your experience, I bet for a long time, you thought that you had an injury and you kind
[4:16]of let it rest, which actually makes it deepen and get so much worse.
[4:21]Yeah.
[4:22]So at least there's that.
[4:24]That's true.
[4:25]Yes.
[4:26]There's that.
[4:27]There's that.
[4:28]Oh, I'm so sorry.
[4:29]I honestly think that frozen children is one of the worst things that I've experienced.
[4:34]Like I definitely thought my arm would never be restored to its previous levels of mobility.
[4:41]But it was.
[4:42]It didn't and it is fine.
[4:43]So I had like a renewed empathy for people who struggled to fit things in the overhead
[4:47]compartments.
[4:48]And I was like, why is this such an issue for people?
[4:51]They're like, I can't do it.
[4:52]And I always said no, it was like, I don't like, I want to add a joke to the show actually,
[5:00]which it's not really a joke, but it's just the truth that I have not put on a bra in
[5:05]a state of comfort and ease since 2017 that stands that holds true even today.
[5:13]I mean, the fact that bras are still so impossible to put on is a thing in and of itself
[5:18]you should talk about on your next show.
[5:20]What?
[5:21]That's so funny.
[5:22]That's a great joke.
[5:23]I'm going to write that.
[5:24]I like have to put it in and I turn it around every time it's like ridiculous.
[5:28]It's very unfair.
[5:29]When you think about it, why don't they open in the front?
[5:33]It's just to keep us just to keep it real for us, just to keep us on ball so antiquated.
[5:38]I mean, obviously there are sports bras, but still even now the sports bras have that
[5:41]thing.
[5:42]The sports bras are terrible too, because then you're struggling into it, it's like putting
[5:47]on a spanks or whatever.
[5:49]It's humiliating to put on and off if it's ever in the off.
[5:53]It's wetty or whatever.
[5:54]It's so hard, you're struggling, it's you struggle, you look awful, your boobs go into
[5:59]a tube.
[6:01]There's a better way.
[6:03]We should go into business together.
[6:05]Let's do it.
[6:06]I'm all for it.
[6:07]Yes.
[6:08]I would love a better solution.
[6:09]Yes.
[6:10]I'm pretty sure.
[6:12]You're so funny in the show just saying like, there obviously is not a god, because
[6:18]all these things could not happen if there was a god.
[6:21]They would not let this happen to our bodies, women's bodies would not be like punished
[6:26]in this way.
[6:27]Yeah.
[6:28]If there was a, if we had a merciful god, we wouldn't be, they wouldn't be like, you
[6:33]know what, Perry Menopause starts whenever and it lasts from I don't know seven years
[6:38]to forever.
[6:39]Yeah.
[6:40]Anyway, good luck.
[6:41]Yeah.
[6:42]No way to know.
[6:43]No way to know.
[6:44]No way to know.
[6:45]You're definitely going to get it wrong, everybody's going to, we're all just taking guesses.
[6:50]And there, it's, we kind of frame our entire medical system on like, you know, like
[6:54]a hundred years ago, you wouldn't have lived this long.
[6:57]So we don't really know anything.
[6:58]Yeah.
[6:59]We stopped trying to figure it out.
[7:01]And of course you contrast that with all that we know about men, which is extensive.
[7:06]And that there is a remedy for everything.
[7:09]And you're so funny when you're just like, oh, yeah, you're, your kidneys, there's
[7:12]something for that.
[7:13]Like for everything.
[7:14]But your ovaries just stop making eggs and everyone's like, okay.
[7:18]Yeah.
[7:19]Yeah.
[7:20]It's like the only organ in the human body that it stops, it's like it even it just slows
[7:24]down and everybody's like, well, I don't know what to do about that.
[7:27]I guess we just let, I guess we just let them weather.
[7:31]Anyways, whatever.
[7:33]Yeah.
[7:34]Good luck.
[7:35]Once again.
[7:36]Good luck.
[7:37]Ladies.
[7:38]Yeah.
[7:39]Enjoy.
[7:40]We don't know what happens to you after you can't make babies anymore.
[7:43]Well, I think you just take care of your children's children.
[7:46]Anyways, we don't care.
[7:49]I mean, really your whole show is just a way to make all of us feel a little bit better
[7:55]about aging and like the all the indignities of it and the things that we have to wake
[8:00]up and deal with each day and like not even necessarily want to tell anybody because we're
[8:04]like, oh, is that just me?
[8:06]Right.
[8:07]And you know, I do think that really aging listen, aging is definitely not for the week.
[8:14]We all know this, but there's glory to it.
[8:18]I mean, there it's not all bad things, but we should be able to freely talk about the
[8:24]things that do happen.
[8:25]Like why don't know why we've just framed it as this like embarrassing time period.
[8:30]I love talking about it.
[8:31]I actually think that finding community and talking about these very real things.
[8:37]It's not complaining.
[8:39]Of course, I'm complaining, but it's, but it's not just, it's not just bellyaking.
[8:44]It's like community.
[8:45]Like can we just say this stuff out loud?
[8:46]Like I still, I'll say this, I'm going to say this right now.
[8:50]I still say the words vaginal dryness and people cringe.
[8:54]They physically cringe.
[8:55]I'm like, you've got to make it nicer for us.
[8:57]You've got to let's all learn how to look placid when someone says vaginal dryness because
[9:04]honestly, if I watch a baseball game, I hear the words erectile dysfunction 800 times.
[9:11]And I don't, my face doesn't change.
[9:13]I don't do anything.
[9:14]I'm just exposed to, we have full exposure to the, you know, to the myriad of conditions
[9:21]that can be fall, a man's body as he ages and that's wonderful for them.
[9:27]I just want that for us.
[9:29]I think we might need a better phrase, like, like erectile dysfunction can sound medical
[9:35]enough, medical enough immediately think of like the name of the body part and like get an
[9:41]image.
[9:42]Jamie.
[9:43]Yeah.
[9:44]Whereas I think, yeah, I think we need a rebrand, a rebrand will be nice if we want people
[9:49]to really accept and start talking about it.
[9:51]Thank you.
[9:52]I did really, really.
[9:53]You work on that name and I will, I'm going to workshop, you're going to have a whole
[9:57]to do list after this conversation.
[9:58]I'm sorry.
[10:00]I'm writing, I'm literally writing myself a note workshop new term.
[10:06]I just interviewed a bunch of the contributors to this new anthology called midlife
[10:11]private parts, which you have to read is coming out soon. But as I did this 30 minute podcast,
[10:15]I was like, and we do retreats at my company. I'm like, we need to do just like an aging day.
[10:20]So like you have to come if I, okay, because I'm going to ask you and just please, because this
[10:25]all people are you just kind of want to talk about like your joke about George Ashgian's and you're
[10:29]like, if you know, you know, like if you don't know, get off this, get away from this little thing,
[10:34]like it just, it is the thing that I feel like is most isolating right now, all of this stuff.
[10:39]It's quite isolating. And I do talk, you know, as I do the show, it's actually kind of,
[10:44]because I'm still touring it and it's growing and changing. And I've kind of added a chunk,
[10:49]which is about really Gen X women, because we say all the hard parts out loud. And that's been
[10:57]the tradition. That's been kind of our way. Like as a generation of women, we've been the first.
[11:04]We're like, right out the gate. We're like, we talk about our periods. We're not afraid to talk
[11:10]about that, right? Like. And so I think that is continuing into we're going to make it nicer for
[11:16]everybody else. That's our job. We kick open those barn doors. We say all the hard parts so that
[11:23]everybody can live in a state of greater comfort, not to say perfection. But we are very good at
[11:29]opening those conversations, because I think that the generation directly prior to us still
[11:34]was not talking about it. I never heard one word about menopause growing up. Not not a single word.
[11:40]I saw it on, I saw Edith Bunker have a hot flash. Did you? I don't remember times. Yeah, Edith
[11:46]Bunker had a hot flash and a mod for sure. And then I don't think I saw it really rendered,
[11:54]again, on television until I watched a Danish show. So, you know, we're not really our levels of
[12:02]exposure to very real, very normal things. It's quite low. So really what we're doing is paving
[12:10]the way for our daughters and their daughters, right? So they can complain openly all the time
[12:18]without all the time. Yes, that's right. I mean, definitely my 16-year-old son has begged me openly
[12:25]to stop saying the word menopause in our household. He's like, can you just cool it for the rest of
[12:30]today? So he's a very familiar with the concept. And I think that's, you know, this is this is trend
[12:38]setting stuff. When I started listening to your, you know, your audible original, my 10-year-old
[12:44]son was nearby. And I was like, hey, want to listen to this audible original about menopause?
[12:50]And he was like, what's menopause? And I was like, let's find out together. There you go.
[12:55]Yes, I'm getting a lot of feedback. I'm actually have a lot of men in the audience for when I do
[13:00]these live shows, like a lot of partners. There's a lot of like couples, elbowing each other
[13:05]during the show. There's just a lot of like physicality. And it's actually very interesting. And
[13:10]as I go, I do interviews and stuff like that and male hosts are like, that's so funny. My wife is
[13:16]going through this. Should I tell her to listen? I'm like, you listen. Yeah, you listen too. It's
[13:22]for both of you. It is on a societal level kind of crazy the way you talk about it that like
[13:30]all women at the same time are going through this complete mood shift of craziness, right? Not
[13:38]craziness, but just to have a huge bedrock of society suddenly be like shaking and having everyone
[13:45]ignore like the earthquake that's going on over there. Like what does that do, especially when
[13:50]women of our ages are supposed to be like holding the shift, like driving the ship and keeping
[13:55]everything steady? Yes. Well, I am writing about this more and more, but it is like, I mean,
[13:59]we really is, it really is kind of, I mean, to very much simplify things. It really is reverse
[14:06]puberty. And so imagine having all the responsibilities that we have in our adult lives at the age of
[14:14]14 as we're going through puberty the first time. That's kind of what it is. Yeah. Like we are burdens
[14:20]our greater are, you know, are the things that we juggle are immense. We are working to, I don't know,
[14:29]we're providers. We are counselors. We have children. We have lives. We have partners. We have big
[14:36]careers. We have to make money. We have to do all these things, but also be of the 14 year old going
[14:42]through puberty. I couldn't have done. I couldn't. The only thing I could think about at the age of 14 or
[14:50]15 was, is everybody looking at me? And does everybody see this zit on my nose? Yeah. And just taking
[14:56]like the obsession, the trying to cover is it was like a full-time job. So it's unimaginable, really.
[15:06]And you know, that's kind of, that's how I'm reflecting on it now. Like it makes sense that we're
[15:11]feeling this inner turmoil. But meanwhile, we all, not we all, but many people at this age also do
[15:18]have kids who are literally going through that right now and through it. Yeah. So it's always
[15:22]we can find it. It's like, so it's like almost like, you know, like surround sound in a way,
[15:27]but it's around sound. Yes, it's everyone hormones are everywhere. They're going all over the place.
[15:31]These are deep, deep thoughts this morning, deep thoughts. There's pheromones everywhere in your
[15:35]head. You're getting a sprinkled every every room in the house. Did you have any second thoughts
[15:42]about talking so openly about this? Did anyone like on your team say, Are you sure you want to go
[15:47]down this path? Was there anything like that? Um, I would say yes. I wouldn't say that it
[15:52]it doesn't come from my team, but it did come from the outside world a little bit. And everybody
[15:57]on my team has been really super supportive the whole time. But it had, I have heard that from
[16:04]people. They're like, are you sure? Which I mean, I mean, I'm sure I never really wavered from it.
[16:13]I think that it was very, it actually was very difficult for me to talk about at first when I
[16:18]first launched or lurched, I guess, into very menopause. I was it was around 2018, like 2017, 2018.
[16:29]So I was in my late 40s. And it was really, it was tumultuous. Like it was a really rocky road.
[16:36]It was really not fun. I was fine. Like it didn't ruin my life or anything, but I definitely was
[16:42]like white knuckle gripping my life and really pretending, really pretending hard to have it all
[16:49]together and had a very wild inner life, which was difficult. And then I started being able to talk
[16:56]about it. And then I did, I wanted to do an episode about it on Full Frontal, which I did. But even
[17:03]then even at that point, I found it very vulnerable to talk about, I was really vulnerable.
[17:11]And I had this incredible writing staff and they were writing hilarious jokes for me. And a lot
[17:16]of the jokes I simply couldn't say, I couldn't say them out loud. They made me cry. And they weren't
[17:22]intentionally, they weren't, they were just funny jokes that I wasn't ready to tell.
[17:27]Because I was right in the heart of it. And that I never forgot that that held a lot of meaning
[17:34]for me. And so I just started writing about it really. I just started writing about it and thinking
[17:41]about it. And it became when the opportunity came along to do a show, to do a performance for
[17:48]Audible, I really leaned into it. I thought this is what I want to talk about because it's a burden
[17:54]for people. And I'm not afraid to talk about myself. I say embarrassing. I say and do embarrassing
[18:00]things. That's my job. That is my literal job. And so couldn't I just tell people this story,
[18:08]like if it makes one person feel seen at all? That's, I needed that. And I couldn't find that.
[18:16]That didn't exist. I'm talking like 2018. Nobody was talking about menopause. And I mean,
[18:22]not a dam sole. And that is not even 10 years ago. So we are talking about it now. We are talking
[18:28]about it. The conversation is cracking open. The word is on everybody's lips. But that absolutely
[18:34]did not exist when I was in it. So I feel like that's my job. I feel like that's my job. And it's
[18:41]a pleasure. Because when I perform this show in front of people and I see their faces and I can feel
[18:48]there's a synergy. There's a, there's a, there's a communion when you're performing live. And
[18:54]you feel that you're having a shared experience with people who are in the audience with you.
[18:59]And you feel how hungry they are to have an entertainment that is directly for them. It's exciting.
[19:09]I love doing it. And now I can talk about it very freely. And I don't care. And when I say
[19:14]vaginal dryness, which again, we are workshopping a better terminology that's not, we don't want it
[19:20]to be anodion. Like it shouldn't be too generic. No, it's just to say the thing. Yeah, it's just
[19:25]maybe in the body part. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe I'll be able to see. We're thinking
[19:32]but when I talk, now I can really talk about that stuff. And I've, it's like I've said it so many
[19:37]times now. It's like doing Scientology. It's like I've been hooked up to an e-meter and I just keep
[19:42]repeating the same concepts so that I can talk about them. And I actually think that's what we
[19:48]need. So I'm doing it. So I love it. Are you going to do like a part two, maybe not about
[19:55]metaphor specifically? But just like keeping this going, it's like, I think keeping it going,
[20:00]It's very helpful to me as well as an exercise.
[20:03]I like talking about aging.
[20:06]I'm not really afraid of it.
[20:08]I really grew up, you know,
[20:10]a grew up around older people.
[20:12]I grew up, you know, very kind of raised
[20:15]by my grandmother in a lot of ways.
[20:17]And so I've been around older people
[20:19]and embraced, been in there and embraced my whole life.
[20:24]It's not as, I don't have,
[20:26]I don't love how janky my body is.
[20:28]I don't love like waking up in the morning
[20:30]and sort of struggling to bend over and pull my socks
[20:34]on sometimes.
[20:35]I don't love my frozen shoulders,
[20:37]but everything else I do love the wisdom
[20:40]and I do love, I mostly like it more
[20:44]if that makes any sense at all.
[20:46]Yeah.
[20:47]I mean, if you're not getting anything out of it,
[20:49]fit yourself, why do it?
[20:51]Also, right?
[20:51]I mean, I'm doing it,
[20:53]I guess I'm primarily doing it for myself.
[20:56]Yeah, I mean, it's, there's an un,
[20:59]I wouldn't have known about it before.
[21:00]I wouldn't have been able to predict it,
[21:02]but it has become, I'm a very,
[21:05]I'm very passionate about writing about it.
[21:08]And I enjoy it thoroughly.
[21:09]I feel better, I feel good.
[21:12]I feel good when I walk down the street
[21:13]and I get mad about something that has happened.
[21:16]And then I go, oh, I gotta write that down.
[21:18]That's an indignity.
[21:21]It's not just me experiencing it.
[21:23]And I'm not even getting the worst of it.
[21:25]So I love it.
[21:27]It's amazing.
[21:27]How do you feel when you're doing interviews
[21:30]and talking to people all the time,
[21:32]what else is coming up the most for you?
[21:35]Like this is one issue that's on your mind.
[21:37]Like what else are you,
[21:39]do you find conversations veering towards?
[21:42]I mean, a lot of abusive shocks
[21:44]to how many people wanna talk to me about menopause?
[21:46]So many people, I'm finding everywhere I go,
[21:49]people are like, by the way,
[21:52]did you know that you couldn't have a reverse hot flash?
[21:54]Which is called a cold flash, horrible.
[21:57]I did not know that.
[21:58]Yeah, you can be all something new.
[22:00]Freeze and call it, you can turn into a block of ice.
[22:03]Great.
[22:03]I do think that people want to talk to me
[22:05]about the political world.
[22:06]Certainly, most convert.
[22:08]I think most conversations in the general population
[22:11]turn to politics.
[22:12]Now, it's certainly, it dev tales,
[22:16]what I think and write about the most,
[22:18]certainly dev tales with the political system
[22:20]we're living in and the people who represent us
[22:24]in the head of health and human services
[22:26]who is really just stalling all research into women's bodies.
[22:32]Anything gendered at all is like off the table.
[22:36]All money that had been previously allocated
[22:39]to actually studying menopause is paused
[22:42]or off the table now.
[22:44]So that is incredibly worrying.
[22:47]And I could talk about that kind of endlessly too.
[22:49]So conversation does go in that direction as well
[22:52]as I'm sure you would expect it's.
[22:55]We don't know what to do.
[22:56]Nobody knows what to do.
[22:58]How did you become you?
[23:01]Like how did you get to this point in your life?
[23:04]How did you become like the comedian, the talk show hose,
[23:08]the everything, like how did you grow up thinking
[23:12]you, what did you want to be?
[23:13]Like how did this happen?
[23:15]This was never, this I can honestly say
[23:18]that this was never an aspiration.
[23:21]Never, I did not, I certainly absorbed
[23:25]and you know, I ingested a lot of comedy by women growing up.
[23:29]It was just in my world to watch Carol Burnett every day
[23:33]to watch sketch comedy to watch SCTV.
[23:35]Like I love Lucy.
[23:37]It was all there for me and I enriched my life completely.
[23:44]I was the first person in my family to go to college.
[23:47]So I knew that I would go to college,
[23:51]just in order to go to college.
[23:53]I knew that I wanted to be professional.
[23:55]That was the only, I'm an only child
[23:58]that was really the only thing that I knew
[23:59]was that I would take that mantle and run with it
[24:02]and go to college and make good.
[24:04]I thought that I would end up in law school
[24:07]because I'm smart and good at school,
[24:09]like you know, in that Catholic school,
[24:12]girl of way, people pleasing.
[24:15]And nobody really had any aspirations for me on my behalf.
[24:22]Nobody was like, you have to go to college, do that,
[24:25]but I thought this will be mine.
[24:27]This is my job and I took an elective at college.
[24:32]It was theater, I thought it would be very easy.
[24:35]And I was kind of shy.
[24:38]I was always funny, but shy.
[24:40]Not the class clown, nothing like that.
[24:42]Very funny to my friends.
[24:44]Rise sense of humor, my dad is very funny.
[24:47]I took a theater class, I stepped out onto stage
[24:50]and I thought, oh, I should do this.
[24:54]This is actually what I wanna do.
[24:56]I actually love being on stage.
[24:57]I am not afraid when I'm on stage.
[25:00]I am a full self, I'm a full being.
[25:06]I feel my back, I feel my sides, I feel my front,
[25:10]I can breathe.
[25:11]I'm so comfortable on a stage.
[25:13]I don't know why it's innate.
[25:17]I didn't know anything about theater,
[25:19]absolutely no aspirations.
[25:21]And then when I stepped onto a comedy stage,
[25:23]which really was an opportunity that came to me,
[25:26]just because people, people who I knew who did comedy
[25:29]thought, well, why aren't you doing comedy?
[25:31]You know, you can just do it.
[25:33]And that's a stage you can step on any time you want
[25:36]because no one ever pays you for it.
[25:38]So actually, it's very easy to have our expect to get paid
[25:43]or go anywhere in your future.
[25:46]You can do comedy anytime you want.
[25:48]And so I started doing that.
[25:52]And it just kind of kept growing and growing
[25:55]and eventually after many years of not working at all
[26:00]and I mean, not at all.
[26:02]Because I didn't, no, I wasn't really an entrepreneur.
[26:05]I'm just me, I'm not like, I don't walk into a room
[26:08]and light it up.
[26:09]Like, you don't, I don't walk into the grocery store
[26:11]and everybody goes, I gotta get her for something.
[26:15]I just, I'm like a normal person.
[26:18]She's got to be in my movie, like not at all.
[26:22]And eventually I started doing comedy more
[26:26]and then I started doing this comedy with this all female
[26:29]comedy troupe and just kind of opportunities
[26:32]presented themselves.
[26:33]And I always said yes to it,
[26:36]even though it was very difficult
[26:37]and there was no expectation of success.
[26:40]And it has just been a story of saying yes
[26:43]and working really hard.
[26:45]I have worked really hard and learned
[26:49]from the people around me.
[26:50]I met my husband and my partner.
[26:53]When I was doing comedy, he was also doing comedy.
[26:55]I learned from his work ethic.
[26:57]Like, he taught me how to sit down and write for myself.
[27:03]He taught, I learned by looking to his example
[27:06]and I've kind of always done that.
[27:08]And I've somehow finégled these opportunities.
[27:13]I got an opportunity to audition for the Daily Show,
[27:16]which was my favorite show in the world in 2003.
[27:20]And I thought, oh, I'll just, I'll try.
[27:23]I won't not gonna get this job.
[27:25]This is too good a job, impossible.
[27:27]But I'm gonna try for it.
[27:29]Like, I've never tried for anything in all my life.
[27:31]I'm gonna put everything I have for the next two weeks
[27:34]into this audition.
[27:35]And I'm gonna be so comfortable when I go in there
[27:38]that I will be like undeniably,
[27:41]it will be a great experience for me.
[27:44]Not for them.
[27:45]They're not gonna hire me.
[27:46]That's not my problem.
[27:47]I just wanted to walk out clean.
[27:50]I wanted to walk out clean to know that
[27:53]when they didn't hire me, it was their mistake.
[27:56]And I had done the best job
[27:58]and I could have no regrets.
[28:00]And I did and then they hired me.
[28:03]So I just kind of, it just was building,
[28:06]like literally building block, building block, building block,
[28:10]writing, writing, writing with no expectation of anything,
[28:14]learning, growing, failing, succeeding.
[28:18]It's a big stew.
[28:19]And that is truly, you know, 30 years of that.
[28:23]And here we are today, but like,
[28:26]but really, it's not a sexy story
[28:29]of instant marvel.
[28:33]It's a long, normal story of working very hard
[28:38]and finding a way to,
[28:43]I don't always even,
[28:44]I want to say finding a way to believe in myself,
[28:46]but I don't always believe in myself.
[28:47]Often I'm like, what, stop it.
[28:51]I don't always believe in myself,
[28:52]but in general, you know, at the same time,
[28:55]I'm just, I am a confident person.
[28:59]And so I just step into opportunities when they come my way.
[29:02]And I say no to things that I know are not right for me,
[29:06]very confidently.
[29:07]So I don't want to say it's accidental,
[29:10]but you know, I don't want to say,
[29:12]and it's not really, can't really imitate it.
[29:15]It can never take someone else's path.
[29:16]This just was my path of sort of a very Canadian
[29:20]tractor-like continuous forward motion.
[29:24]I love that.
[29:27]Slow continuous tilling of a field.
[29:30]But how do you know how to say no?
[29:33]I mean, I feel like for the people pleasers among us,
[29:37]I feel like there's this instinct to always be like,
[29:40]okay, sure, I can fit that in.
[29:41]I think it's just, well,
[29:44]actually getting a little bit older is a gift
[29:47]because it gives you that,
[29:49]it gives you an understanding that your time on Earth
[29:51]is finite.
[29:52]And it does, it does, I think, or it can,
[29:56]or I hope it does for people order the priorities.
[30:00]very naturally because you do start to understand
[30:02]that your resources are finite
[30:04]and you need to focus on the things that you love.
[30:07]Like at this stage of my personal life,
[30:10]I am focusing only on the things that feed me.
[30:14]Like they're creatively or financially,
[30:16]sometimes you have to do that too.
[30:17]But like the things that are creating forward motion,
[30:22]the people that I love, the friendships
[30:25]that don't make me feel small,
[30:29]you get better at cutting out the people in your life
[30:31]or the things in your life that make you feel small,
[30:34]you get better at cultivating,
[30:37]at kind of curating experiences.
[30:41]You get better at saying,
[30:42]I'm not gonna think you so much.
[30:46]I can't go to your party.
[30:48]I'm not available for that.
[30:51]And I'm not gonna tell you why.
[30:52]I'm not gonna lie.
[30:55]You just, you get better at ending the sentence
[30:59]and offering no opportunity for follow-up questions.
[31:02]And it's so okay.
[31:03]Like you get good at answering questions
[31:05]in a way that people don't go,
[31:06]but why, though?
[31:10]You're just like, it's not happening.
[31:11]Let's just, we're still friends.
[31:13]I love you.
[31:14]I can't go to, I hate parties.
[31:16]I love you and I hate parties.
[31:19]And I get very anxious at them.
[31:21]So I don't go to them.
[31:23]I hope you have a great night.
[31:26]Oh, gosh, I love that.
[31:28]I just said to my husband the other night out,
[31:30]because we, we're gonna go to this,
[31:32]like cocktails and program in dinner.
[31:34]And I was like,
[31:35]why do we have to stay for the dinner?
[31:37]Like, yeah, we're getting,
[31:38]we'll see everybody at the cocktails.
[31:40]The program I'm really interested in,
[31:41]but like, why do I have to sit next to a stranger
[31:44]and have a longer talk with this person
[31:45]than my best friend who I never get to see?
[31:48]No.
[31:49]I was like, don't do it.
[31:49]Did we just stop staying for dinners?
[31:51]Is that a thing?
[31:52]Are you glad to do that?
[31:53]You are totally over time.
[31:55]I'm so sorry.
[31:56]Oh, no, I'm, I have not,
[31:57]I don't, you can use me as you will.
[32:00]I'm not, yeah, no, you can leave.
[32:02]You should leave.
[32:03]Yeah.
[32:04]And you know what the thing is,
[32:04]nobody will even know.
[32:06]Yeah, nobody cares.
[32:07]Nobody, it's fine.
[32:08]They all wanna leave too.
[32:10]Yeah.
[32:11]You can be the pioneer.
[32:11]I'm gonna be the pioneer.
[32:12]No words.
[32:13]Yes.
[32:14]I love this.
[32:16]Sam, thank you so much.
[32:17]I had so much fun, obviously I could talk to you all day.
[32:19]And thank you for your show,
[32:21]but also just your voice in general.
[32:22]So thank you.
[32:23]Thank you for yours.
[32:24]This was a lovely opportunity.
[32:26]It was so nice to see you and talk to you.
[32:28]You too.
[32:29]All right.
[32:30]Thank you.
[32:31]Bye.
[32:31]Thank you for listening to totally booked with Zibi,
[32:34]formerly mom's don't have time to read books.
[32:37]If you loved the show, tell a friend,
[32:39]leave a review, follow me on Instagram at Zibi Owens
[32:43]and spread the word.
[32:44]Thanks so much.
[32:45]Oh, and bye the books.