Chasten Buttigieg, PAPA'S COMING HOME
[0:00]Hi, this is Zibi Owens, and you're listening to Totally Book to Zibi.
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[0:44]Chastin Boudicik is the author of Poppas Coming Home, Chastin grew up in northern Michigan.
[0:50]He is a teacher, advocate, and husband, a former presidential candidate Pete Boudicik.
[0:56]Chastin currently lives with Pete, their two children, guests in Penelope, and their rescue
[1:00]dog, Buddy, and Travers City, Michigan.
[1:02]His memoir, I have something to tell you, was a New York Times bestseller in both the adult
[1:06]and young adult editions, and I had him on the podcast to discuss the young adult edition.
[1:11]You can visit chastin at chastinrights.com.
[1:13]Welcome, Chastin.
[1:14]Thank you so much for coming back on Totally Booked with Zibi, now to talk about Poppas Coming
[1:19]Home.
[1:20]Congratulations.
[1:21]Thank you.
[1:22]Thanks for having me.
[1:23]That's my pleasure.
[1:24]I am going to feel inferior, literally every time I get to the airport from now on, because
[1:28]this is what I could be getting, and instead, maybe a car service was like, probably
[1:33]not.
[1:34]I mean, I think the hug at the end of the day is the best thing.
[1:37]Oh, yeah, that's true.
[1:38]Yeah.
[1:39]But I'll take the cake.
[1:40]I'll take the cake.
[1:41]The cake would be nice.
[1:42]I wouldn't turn it down.
[1:43]Yeah.
[1:44]OK, give a little rundown of what the book is about.
[1:48]Well, I actually wrote the book on an airplane.
[1:50]I was thinking for a long time about the kind of story I wanted to tell.
[1:55]I really just set out to find books that looked like our family.
[1:58]I had been searching for a book that I could read to my kids.
[2:01]You know, this was about two years ago.
[2:03]It's wild to think my kids are about to turn four.
[2:06]And when they were about two, I was looking for a book like this.
[2:09]And I just wanted it to be a fun day in the life story of a family that looked like ours.
[2:14]And while I was on the airplane, I thought about how excited I was to get home to them,
[2:18]and how excited the characters in this book might be to welcome their dad and home.
[2:24]And that's where that's where it came from.
[2:25]And my kids sort of helped me write it along the way as I went through draft after draft of the book.
[2:31]And here's where we wound up.
[2:33]Wow.
[2:34]So what you don't find out in the book, I have some questions about where was the dad?
[2:40]How long was he gone?
[2:42]I need to know.
[2:44]I want the itinerary.
[2:45]Actually, well, let me see.
[2:47]Oh, is there a clue somewhere that I missed?
[2:49]I think on the refrigerator, you know, it's really funny is this actually isn't the book.
[2:55]That's funny.
[2:56]Oh, you're right.
[2:56]Okay.
[2:57]Just a fake cover.
[2:58]Yes.
[2:59]Oh, I see.
[3:00]So he's been gone 13 days.
[3:02]Yeah.
[3:03]Okay.
[3:04]Thank you for that.
[3:05]I think they have Michigan.
[3:06]Yes.
[3:07]Michigan.
[3:08]Yeah.
[3:09]Michigan.
[3:10]Yeah.
[3:11]Obviously, any chance I can get to brag about Michigan or slip into the narrative I'm going to.
[3:17]See, this is my grown up brain reading and skipping some illustrations and focusing
[3:22]on words.
[3:23]Shame on me for losing my job.
[3:25]It has so many good little Easter eggs hidden in the book.
[3:30]I loved working with Dan on hiding little things throughout the book like the number of
[3:35]their house.
[3:36]That's my birthday.
[3:37]Oh, I'm like, what did I, what is hidden that I'm missing now?
[3:42]I'm going to read the, the cute little baby pictures on the wall.
[3:46]All these tiny details, you know what, what makes the house a home and all the little
[3:51]your birthday is 23.
[3:52]Yeah.
[3:53]June 23.
[3:54]Oh.
[3:55]Wow.
[3:56]Okay.
[3:57]Well, now I'm looking closely, illustrators amazing by the way.
[4:02]He's great.
[4:03]He did such a beautiful job with the book.
[4:05]And when we start back Penelope right away, my daughter, she was like, hey, that looks
[4:10]like me.
[4:11]Hey, that's Gus.
[4:13]Yeah.
[4:14]It was really big.
[4:15]I feel like you could maybe sell all these flowers.
[4:19]You know, you have this gorgeous bouquet here, which you could almost pair, work with a
[4:24]florist for like a father's day.
[4:25]Get home.
[4:26]Yeah.
[4:27]Well, actually here in Trevor City, I partnered with a local coffee company and they're
[4:32]selling Rosie and Jojo's Java.
[4:34]Oh, that's good too.
[4:37]Doing a father's day blend in it benefits the local library and the up north pride organization
[4:43]here.
[4:44]That's amazing.
[4:45]Oh, that's great.
[4:46]Yeah.
[4:47]Okay.
[4:48]So forget my flower idea.
[4:49]But I still would love the flowers.
[4:50]Yeah.
[4:51]So it would be cool too.
[4:52]Make sure you'll ask back to the book.
[4:53]I do not have a beautiful flower garden at my house.
[4:54]I have the time.
[4:55]I don't want to kill it all of it, you know, but the stinky cheese in the robe check.
[5:00]Love my robe.
[5:01]And it's my husband who's a fan of stinky cheese.
[5:04]And when I was working with Gus and Penelope, brain started like ideas that the pop of
[5:08]might have missed.
[5:09]Stinky cheese came up.
[5:10]Wow.
[5:11]Every last talk you were thinking about writing this book, you were like, it's some sort
[5:15]of story about the two does but it's not about the fact that there are two dads.
[5:19]It's just that ads are in it and now here it is where there are other plots that you
[5:24]investigated or was this the main thing?
[5:26]I really liked the idea of a travel story and I kind of, you know, this was, this is
[5:30]a pretty watered down version of some of the different versions that I liked.
[5:34]But I think maybe there's room for a sequel then, you know, the adventure that Rosie
[5:38]and Jojo get up to.
[5:40]You're right.
[5:41]It was really important to me at the end of the day that we just had a story that looks
[5:44]like our family that I don't always want to be reading books to my kids that discuss
[5:49]as difference.
[5:50]I think there's a room for, there's room for those books and we should have those books
[5:54]have really important conversations.
[5:55]But I don't want to read a story to my kid at the end of the night that might prompt
[6:00]larger discussions when we're just trying to get them to go to bed, right?
[6:03]Like everyone's different.
[6:04]It's okay to be different.
[6:05]You're different.
[6:06]Your family's different.
[6:07]I just wanted a, you know, an everyday life story and so I'm really happy where we landed.
[6:13]Yeah.
[6:14]It's really lovely.
[6:16]Really lovely.
[6:17]Tell me some stories about trips that you've taken and who has picked you up.
[6:22]Like has there been a moment where someone really exciting picked you up or you wanted
[6:26]someone to pick you up and they didn't show up, do you have anything like that?
[6:30]You know, I just came home from a big trip a couple days ago, but I got home at midnight
[6:35]and I think one of the best parts about coming home is that big hug.
[6:39]The way we see it in the airport at the end of the book, but just the fact that someone
[6:43]missed you so much.
[6:45]And so my kids actually woke me up the next morning.
[6:48]You know, they get up at like quarter to six right now.
[6:51]It's pretty tough.
[6:52]But the way they run into the bedroom and they jump up on the bed and they're so happy
[6:56]to see you.
[6:58]And I think about when we would bring the kids to the airport to see Pete, my husband
[7:04]when he would come home from a trip and how I would get them out of their car seat so
[7:08]that they could run up to him on the sidewalk.
[7:11]And that is just as a parent, you know, it is the best feeling in the world to have those
[7:16]little arms wrapped around you.
[7:18]And for them to tell you that you were missed.
[7:20]That is nice.
[7:21]Can't, you can't ever, a hug can ever be underrated, okay, underrated, yeah, the best
[7:29]tight squeezes and, you know, sometimes I'll say tighter and they just keep squeezing
[7:34]arms tighter and tighter and you just never want to let them go.
[7:37]And I think I'm very conscious of it because so many people always tell you it goes too
[7:42]fast.
[7:43]It goes so fast, you know, parenting goes so fast and I always think about how I'm going
[7:49]to want those types of hugs one day, you know, when they're, I was an eighth grade teacher
[7:53]so I'm dreading the teenage years when they might not want to hug you as tightly.
[7:57]My teenagers still hug me very tightly and they're, my twins are going to be 18 next
[8:03]month.
[8:04]Now my son is like could crush me.
[8:06]He's so strong, you know, but their hugs are the best and it's, you know, it's different
[8:11]but it doesn't go away.
[8:13]Good.
[8:14]I hope so.
[8:15]And I mean, I don't know the pressure to like enjoy it all when a lot of it is really,
[8:19]really hard.
[8:20]I mean, it's okay.
[8:21]Like it's not all going to be great.
[8:23]But yes, one day it will be over, but that doesn't necessarily mean it went fast.
[8:27]It just means, it just, it went.
[8:30]Right.
[8:31]I'm always conscious of this idea, someone gave when you're in one of the really tough
[8:36]moments, one of the really like tricky moments where you're, you know, sometimes they don't
[8:39]go to bed to like 10 p.m.
[8:41]Like you put them down at seven and they just passed for hours and you want to pull your
[8:45]hair out on what I do to get you to go to bed.
[8:49]And someone told me once like one day, you're going to wish that you were able to
[8:54]talk them into bed like one more time or when their, my daughter especially shall
[8:58]cry like, I need one more hug or she'll say that you didn't give me a hug at night.
[9:02]It's like hour three.
[9:03]Like I've given you so many hugs good night.
[9:05]Like one day you'll wish that they called you in to give them one more hug or one more
[9:08]kiss good night or one more story.
[9:10]But yeah, in the moment you're like, okay, I get it.
[9:14]One day I might want this, but I'm also so tired and I still have to do the dishes.
[9:17]If you want me to live to that day, you have to let me go to sleep right now.
[9:21]Yes.
[9:22]You need to go to bed right now.
[9:23]One more hug is a children's book.
[9:25]I've had the author on, I'm trying to remember who it was.
[9:28]I think it might have been Megan Alexander, but if that's the whole premise of the book,
[9:31]it's like she doesn't want to, she's tired and did it, but is it helpful?
[9:36]Do I need to get it?
[9:37]You should get it.
[9:38]You should definitely get it.
[9:39]One more hug.
[9:40]If I'll send you the link when we get up, I'm sure I'll be able to find it.
[9:45]But I do think that hanging on to the sense of joy that you have in the book, like your
[9:49]whole book is so joyful, the colors and all the festivities and anything with sprinkles
[9:55]is just like fun, right?
[9:57]It's like that kind of joy.
[10:00]is not necessarily correlated with airline travel these days.
[10:06]Yeah.
[10:08]So if there's a way we could sort of meld them.
[10:11]Did you see by the way I saw this on Instagram last night
[10:13]that there's a Duncan takeovers the wrong word.
[10:17]But when you like it like wrapped the plane,
[10:20]a jet blue plane and Duncan to like make it fun
[10:24]and like they give free coffee on this one airplane
[10:28]in the whole line.
[10:30]I mean, I have my questions about coffee on airplanes.
[10:33]Anyway, you know, my kids are,
[10:35]they're really good travelers knock on wood.
[10:38]They really love airplanes.
[10:40]They love traveling.
[10:42]And I'm wondering how long it's going to last
[10:45]for the tablet rules.
[10:47]Because we gave them tablets this year
[10:51]and we told them they only work on airplanes.
[10:53]And so working, like making a bad picnic closet.
[10:57]And they got them out of the closet like a couple of weeks ago.
[11:00]And my daughter was like, oh, we can't play with those guests.
[11:02]Those are just for the airplane.
[11:04]Like that's right.
[11:05]They only work on airplanes.
[11:07]I am so impressed.
[11:09]That is good.
[11:10]That is a good trick.
[11:11]They're going to be very upset one day,
[11:13]but it's a good trick.
[11:13]They're going to be very upset one day.
[11:14]Yeah.
[11:15]I have a plane to have a, oh my gosh, brilliant.
[11:18]Totally brilliant.
[11:20]Yeah.
[11:21]How I raised the older ones with that iPad said,
[11:23]I don't even know, but anyway, somehow you get through.
[11:27]Oh, I mean, I wanted, you know, they needed to be quiet for five hours.
[11:32]So it's crazy to watch how their brains work on those things,
[11:36]which is terrifying for me.
[11:39]But you know, for five hours, it worked.
[11:41]So when we last spoke, you were just coming out with your young adult
[11:45]adaptation of your memoir.
[11:47]And you felt very strongly that your younger self would have really
[11:51]appreciated a book like that.
[11:53]And you had to put, you wanted to put it in the world to help others who
[11:56]might be feeling other or going through some of the things you went through.
[12:00]How did it, how did it go?
[12:02]For the YA book, I had incredible conversations around the country.
[12:07]We, we went to so many cities and particularly in the sort of red and purple
[12:12]states talking with these parents who would show up to the book event just
[12:16]because they didn't really know what to do.
[12:18]And they, they might have had a kid that came out of the closet.
[12:23]And I remember specifically some of the conversations I had in Texas and
[12:26]Florida where these parents were contending with their politics and their
[12:29]religion, but they loved their kids so much.
[12:31]And they saw themselves sort of in the story of my parents who had to put,
[12:36]you know, prior beliefs and prejudice aside to keep their kid alive.
[12:39]They loved me so much that they were willing to transcend what they had
[12:42]been taught or believed just to support their kid.
[12:45]And it went really well.
[12:46]It was really inspiring.
[12:48]At the end of the day, I always come back to this idea that our country's
[12:51]full of really good people.
[12:53]There's such good people in this country.
[12:55]And you just don't read about them or hear about them every day, especially
[12:58]if you're online a lot, you know, in certain media platforms.
[13:03]It seems like it's really dark and scary out there, which is not to say that
[13:06]some of what's happening right now isn't.
[13:08]But when you get out on the road and you're sitting in these libraries with,
[13:11]you know, parents and community leaders and teachers, you're just reminded of
[13:15]how good people are that they want to do well by others.
[13:18]And, and they want to support the people that they love.
[13:21]And I believe that most people want to find a way to cross the bridge to
[13:25]acceptance.
[13:25]I think that people are trying to find a way to be bigger,
[13:28]hearted and more loving.
[13:30]I hope that this children's book is also a way to help every family have
[13:34]that conversation.
[13:36]That this this too is an American family.
[13:38]And I think the YA book specifically was really helpful for teenagers,
[13:42]but also really helpful for parents.
[13:44]In the YA book, I was able to sort of expand on, you know,
[13:48]when I went through during childhood all the way through college.
[13:51]You know, before I met my husband before the crazy political roller coaster
[13:55]happened, and a lot of that had to do with my upbringing and the conversations
[13:59]that we didn't have.
[14:01]I hope that it's helpful for parents to think about how you might talk to your
[14:05]kid and tell them how they are loved unconditionally.
[14:09]If we have that conversation early, then when we're growing up,
[14:13]we don't have to question whether we'll lose our parents love because of who we are.
[14:17]And I think the children's book is just another example of what happens
[14:21]when you love your family unconditionally.
[14:24]Well, that's beautiful.
[14:24]Where are all these good people?
[14:26]How do I find them?
[14:27]How do I reach them on Instagram?
[14:30]Where are they hiding?
[14:31]I mean, you travel so much too.
[14:33]You must see this when you're just talking to someone, even, you know, even here
[14:37]in Northern Michigan, where what I like to call like the blueberry
[14:41]in the raspberry jello, you know, like little liberal city surrounded by, you know,
[14:45]much more conservative surroundings.
[14:47]And I still think people like adhered by the rule in public, in person,
[14:54]face to face that if you don't have anything nice to say, you don't say it at all.
[14:58]And then I'm also surprised at some of the conversations I have with people
[15:01]at the coffee shop or at the grocery store, especially at the grocery store.
[15:05]I have learned that it's going to take me probably an extra hour to grocery shop.
[15:09]They talk to so many people, but I think people when you're face to face have
[15:14]to contend with your humanity.
[15:16]Talking to a human being, they're not just hiding behind a keyboard.
[15:20]So that's why I like to spend more time offline and, and not, you know,
[15:24]let the online discourse replace my idea of what reality is that is tough.
[15:31]That's a tough one.
[15:32]Yeah. Yeah.
[15:33]I mean, step one.
[15:34]I just, I deleted from my phone because I could always sense, you know, my
[15:40]finger going back to the icon.
[15:42]I just wanted to see what people are talking about, but that's not people
[15:45]talking. That's just some people talking. That's not everybody.
[15:48]Wait, what did you delete all the social media platforms?
[15:51]All of them?
[15:52]Yeah. Just get rid of them.
[15:54]Sometimes I have Instagram on there because I find like I can follow my
[15:57]friends lives more closely and I like the pictures, but Twitter, especially,
[16:02]I don't need it.
[16:03]I just, I don't need it.
[16:05]And as a parent, the scary thing is the power those devices have over
[16:10]your attention.
[16:11]And the one thing I want to be focused on when they're home from school is
[16:14]them. And I know when you're really tired, you know, it's just like, I'm just
[16:18]gonna sit down and drink my coffee and scroll through Twitter.
[16:21]Like the best things in the world are right over there.
[16:24]You know, wait, the train set or waiting to read another book.
[16:28]And I know sometimes it's exhausting.
[16:30]Not saying you have to play with your kids all the time.
[16:32]Everyone deserves a break.
[16:33]But what you do with that break, I think is so important.
[16:36]Like what's restored of sitting down and reading some of the darkest
[16:40]commentary in the country or sitting down and maybe staring out the window.
[16:44]I'm just, you know, breaking the coffee and silence versus reading and all
[16:48]of it perhaps.
[16:49]Yeah.
[16:50]Yeah, it's tough to read new days, but, you know, them around.
[16:54]But that's true.
[16:55]That's that's true.
[16:56]Yeah.
[16:57]I think it's important to take those breaks.
[16:59]No, you're right.
[17:00]You're right.
[17:01]I don't, I'm not really on Twitter either.
[17:02]I went on for the first time in like a month.
[17:05]I was like, I got to get in and get out.
[17:07]It's like I poked my head in the store and I was like, not for me.
[17:09]I'm out in the back of the sidewalk.
[17:12]I think it's got a place.
[17:13]I mean, you know, I sometimes you post work stuff there updates, but I just
[17:18]don't feel like I'm in conversation with anybody there.
[17:20]And I think when we're talking at one another and we're not talking with one
[17:23]another, what's the point?
[17:24]You know, when have you ever seen someone on Twitter say, Oh my gosh,
[17:29]you're so right.
[17:29]I see it from your perspective now.
[17:31]Yeah.
[17:32]I'm real.
[17:33]Yeah.
[17:34]Very true.
[17:35]Okay.
[17:36]So more children's books.
[17:38]What, what is the secret sequel and what else might be coming next from you?
[17:43]I don't know.
[17:43]I'd love to hear what people think.
[17:45]I, I love these characters.
[17:47]I don't know where they go next.
[17:48]Maybe they get on the airplane next.
[17:50]Maybe they're going to someone.
[17:51]I just love how dedicated the parents are in the book.
[17:56]I love how excited they are to sort of follow the hijinks of the twins.
[18:01]Yep.
[18:01]And how it sort of models like a yes and parenting style that might not always
[18:06]be real.
[18:07]You know, in real life.
[18:09]But I love that the parents love their kids and love their creativity.
[18:13]Maybe it's Joe Joe's going away.
[18:15]Oh, where do you think he's going?
[18:17]I don't know.
[18:17]He's going on an airplane.
[18:19]Maybe he's going to, I don't know if it's like Rosie and Joe Joe are going to visit
[18:24]their grandparents.
[18:25]Yeah.
[18:26]Or they're maybe it's weird just having one of them go somewhere.
[18:28]That's true.
[18:28]They wouldn't do that.
[18:29]I was trying to do the, the G sound that like Joe going.
[18:33]I don't know.
[18:33]Never mind.
[18:34]Forget the iterations, but it didn't even work because it's a change.
[18:37]We'll have to workshop it a little more.
[18:41]Well, I do love the idea that they're going on another adventure.
[18:46]They're really excited to go on that adventure because I think that's a
[18:49]universal experience as well.
[18:50]When you're not only getting ready to welcome someone home, but you're getting
[18:54]ready to go on the adventure yourselves.
[18:56]Yeah.
[18:57]I can see that being really fun.
[18:58]Yeah.
[18:59]We'll adventure kits.
[19:01]Right.
[19:02]Survival.
[19:03]That's true.
[19:05]Well, keep the blue.
[19:06]I love the color, but I love the color.
[19:08]Anyway, this is a perfect father's day gift, obviously, but also just ongoing
[19:13]because it's a good, uh, if you feel guilty going on a business trip book as
[19:18]well, you just, you know, store this away.
[19:21]Yeah, yeah, lots of uses.
[19:24]Well, thank you.
[19:25]Yeah, I'm excited.
[19:26]I'm excited for Father's Day.
[19:27]And I think this is just a great example of how kids miss their dads when
[19:31]they're gone.
[19:32]Yeah.
[19:33]And I'm so tickled that, you know, now I'm a dad.
[19:36]And here I am getting surrounded by being a dad.
[19:38]And it's pretty exciting.
[19:39]That's awesome.
[19:40]Oh, I hope you keep that enthusiasm.
[19:44]You know, you did while I'm doing this interview, what I'm home alone with
[19:47]coffee.
[19:47]So I know, if you enthusiastic right now, yeah, cut to chest and like crying in
[19:54]the bathroom, you know, the kids banging on the door,
[19:57]waving mac and cheese off the ceiling.
[19:59]Yeah.
[20:00]Oh my gosh, all right, well congratulations and I'll be sure you're for you.
[20:07]Thank you so much.
[20:08]I really appreciate it.
[20:09]Okay.
[20:10]Take care.
[20:11]You too.
[20:12]Bye bye.
[20:13]Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibi, formerly momstone have time to read
[20:16]books.
[20:17]If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram at Zibi Owens
[20:23]and spread the word.
[20:24]Thanks so much.
[20:25]Oh, and buy the books.