Moms Have Broken Hearts, Too, with Josie Balka

[1:16]Zibby Owens: Hi. This is Zibby Owens, and you're listening to totally booked with Zibby. Formerly, moms don't have time to read books. In my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling, buzziest, or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think is worth your time. As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to. Stay in the know, get insider insights, and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com, and follow me on Instagram zibbyowens. Josie Balka is the author of Loves of Poems for Hopeful Hearts. Josie is a broadcaster, voice over artist, and poet. She holds a diploma in radio, television, and film from Niagara College and has worked for some of the largest media companies in North America as an on air personality. She can often be caught recording viral poetry in her soundproof closet. She was born and raised in Toronto and currently lives in Calgary, Canada. She is the author of I Hope You Remember, which I interviewed her about on this show a few months ago. Welcome back, Josie. Thank you so much for coming on Totally Booked, this time to talk about Loves of Our Lives Poems for hopeful hearts. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on again. I appreciate it. My pleasure. I have the ARC of your book here, but I have to say I was at my bookstore, and I saw the print copy, which is coming out tomorrow. This will release obviously later. And it's so gorgeous. It feels so good. It's like it's like a work of art. So, anyway, it's featured prominently on the shelf, so we can shoot off the Thank you. The beautiful design of of the heart and the, like, watercolor,

[3:03]Josie Balka: and it's just gorgeous. Thank you. Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. Sure.

[3:07]Zibby Owens: Loves of our lives. Talk a little bit about this collection. Why this collection of poems? And, also, why are there no specific poem titles? You chain the format is a line up at the top. Discuss.

[3:18]Josie Balka: Yeah. Discuss. Okay. So I just love love. I know that's so basic, but I just feel like it has been such a pivotal part of my entire life. And when you really boil everything down, it just is all about love. The things that hurt you, the things that help you, the things that push you through, the things that hold you back. It often is either because you love a person or you love a thing, and it's kind of like the main root of all of our feelings. And I kinda realized that 99% of what I'm writing is all rooted in love, And I wanted to kinda split it up into the different chapters of the types of love that you experience in your life. And, I don't know, give people a more just categorized way of navigating all the different kinds of love they've experienced. And with the titles, I actually kinda wanted to add titles in this one, but we wanted to keep it cohesive with the last book, which also didn't have any titles. And, also, just because there's so many in there, it might have just been a little bit monotonous and maybe not as meaningful if we're trying to come up with titles. Mhmm. But for my next book, if there ever were to be one, I would love to have the poems have titles. Interesting. Ever to be one. You don't think that that's like a foregone conclusion? I know. I hope so. Like, I hope that there that that that there's another one. But as of right now, there's not anything in the works. Okay. Alright. Yeah. Can I read one of the poems from a love lost section? No. Sorry. Family love or the ones we were given.

[4:39]Zibby Owens: Yeah. I love that. Okay. I fear that one day I will have a daughter who cries about her broken heart. And when I try to console her, she will tell me that I could never understand, that I've never felt like that before, that there's no way I could possibly relate. And she will slam her door in my face, and I will stand on the other side of it. And for a moment, I will think of you because I think heartbreaks like that never stop crossing your mind even when you are older, even when you're somebody's mom. And we're born to think our moms are just moms, and that's all they've ever been. They've never had their hearts broken by someone who made them not leave their bedroom for days on end. My daughter will think that I'm just her mom. I know nothing and everything all at once, and I've never felt the constant and all encompassing ache that comes with something ending that you don't want to end. So I will stand on the other side of her door right after she slams it in my face, and we will cry in unison because she thinks that I will never understand. And I remember so vividly how deeply I understand, and she is heartbroken. And I am too because she is part of me, and I know exactly how she feels. One day, she will understand. Oh, it's hard not to cry reading that. Oh my gosh.

[5:48]Josie Balka: I love that. It's so good.

[5:50]Zibby Owens: You have do you have daughters or other? I have two I have two daughters and two sons, and one of the kids did go through a heartbreak, and it crushed me.

[6:00]Josie Balka: Like, know how they're feeling, and they think that you're just, like, some loser who doesn't get it. And you're like, trust me. I understand.

[6:07]Zibby Owens: I understand, and I and yet you can't do anything to make it better. You can try. You can be there, but all you can do is is hug and love. And I can go through it. Yeah. But it's the hardest. Oh my gosh.

[6:19]Josie Balka: That's

[6:20]Zibby Owens: so sad. I know. It's so sad. But, you know, we're all everyone's resilient and thinking. Yeah. Of course. So tell me, for example, this poem. So when did you write this poem? Like, how long does a poem like this take? Like, did you art do you already record them out loud? Like, what is the interplay of all the different ways that you write poetry and present it?

[6:42]Josie Balka: So I would usually I always usually write them in my phone unless I like, this year, my goal is to actually sit down and write more than one at a time, like, in my computer. But, usually, I'm, like, thinking of an idea and something will cross my mind. And maybe I'll, like, see something in a movie or I'll, like, be listening to music in the car and I'll, like, add a red light or or when the car is off or whatever, like, jot it down quickly like the the thought. And then I often have, like, all these notes in my phone of just, like, one line thoughts. Like, right now, I probably have, like, 20, just one lines that I'm like, do I feel, like, emotionally charged enough to expand on that at this time? And then I'll sit down and pick the one that I feel like writing about the most. But usually, if if a poem takes me longer than, like, twenty to thirty minutes to write, I'll give up on it at the time and go back because then that will mean, like, it's not flowing. Like, usually, I find that if it's gonna work that day, it'll be like, like, kind of coming out really fast. That one specifically, I don't even I don't remember what caused that thought or why, but I've always kind of felt like like, me and my mom, I grew up and it was just the two of us, and I never wanted to talk about anything. Like, I was just like, I'm gonna go through this on my own. You don't understand. And I guess the older I get, the more I, like, look into what it would have been like to be my mom as a single mom, like, how difficult that would have been. I'm navigating a very similar life but with no kids to take care of. And I'm not single, but I just mean, like, we have we had similar careers and, like, similar schedules, and I can't even imagine adding a kid into the mix. And I have my partner. So it's just like I I guess I've reflected a lot more the older I get on, like, how my mom felt when she was my age doing what she was doing with me. And I think that's probably where that came from. Oh my gosh.

[8:33]Zibby Owens: Wow. Did revisiting some of your past relation like, are do they all really come from something that has happened to you, or are you ever imagining some like, obviously, you don't have a grown child who's going through this. Like, how do you balance you know what I mean? Like, how do you balance the the losses and the the feelings with, like, almost fictitious

[8:57]Josie Balka: projections or whatever? Do know what I mean? I feel like with I always write about something that I've been through, whether it was, like, an opposite experience or not. Like, when I when I was doing that, I thought of, like, my mom. Right. And how only now am I realizing, oh, you probably dated people and, like, cried about them. And did all you know, like, to me, she's my mom. Like, that didn't happen for her. So it's it's just like that kind of flip, but I get so many different requests about things that I haven't been through that are very specific. Like, can you write about the loss of, like, this specific family member or, like, having this illness or going through fertility issues or whatever? And I want to obviously appeal to everybody and give everybody what they want. But somebody put this really well for me, and and I kind of hold it dear. It's that there's so much left to go through. And I feel like probably 99 to a 100% of the poems that people request from me, I will go through that eventually. So I'll write about it when the time comes. Mhmm. And for now, I'll just kinda stick to what I know for the most part. And that so far has just been working for me. It feels more authentic. I know a lot of people sing songs about things they've never been through. Like, a lot of country music will be, like, a very specific story, and then you'll go look up the artist and be like, oh, wait. That didn't happen to you. But, like and I know that that's just a part of, like, art. Mhmm. But I have chosen to kinda stick to things that I've actually gone through.

[10:24]Zibby Owens: Interesting. Love it. Well, I feel not that you can't feel it in country music. Not that I actually listen to country music that often, but you know I mean? Like Yeah. You can feel the authenticity in the writing. And Thank you. Do you worry at all about, like, oh my gosh. Is my ex actually gonna read that? Like, are you ever embarrassed? Like, oh gosh. I was that upset about you. Now you're reading this, and now I'm even more embarrassed. No? I feel like so there's there's, like, a few specific people that cross my mind a lot when I'm writing these particular poems. Mhmm. And I'm not connected with many of them anymore.

[10:59]Josie Balka: I I feel like a few of them don't really even have these social media platforms. Like, they probably have no idea what I'm doing right now. So I I don't really care. And, also, if I'm writing something about you because you really, like, hurt my feelings, I don't care if you see it. Like, figure it out if you wanna wonder if that's about you. But I actually have had a conversation with with one of my partners that I dated a long time ago. And he was like, I had to stop watching your stuff because every time you had one that was, like, a little bit feisty or mean about, like, somebody that you that you loved, I worried that it was about me. And I was like, oh, like, no. No hard feelings. And I can genuinely tell you that none of the the bad ones are about you. So it's just kind of like this clarifying conversation for him. And I was sitting here being like, oh my gosh. I feel so bad. I didn't like, no. I don't. Like, that wasn't about you at all. But part of me I mean, I kinda hope the more hard hitting ones about the people who weren't that nice Mhmm. Maybe that they come across one one day and, hopefully they've changed and they can reflect on that.

[12:02]Zibby Owens: Yeah. Too funny. Too funny. I guess you just, like, never know when you're dating someone. Like, one day, they could end up being a famous poet and you're gonna be all over Instagram.

[12:12]Josie Balka: It'll just be that. You just never know. Word of warning. Yeah. I mean, watch out. Gotta be careful.

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[14:00]Josie Balka: With

[15:03]Zibby Owens: Since we last spoke, your your meteoric rise continues to rise on on social and how you record your videos. And I I I mean, they get me every time. You have this power with your words and cadence and voice and background and whatever. You've just, like, hit on this very powerful way to communicate emotions. Like, tell me a little bit about that and how how the accompanying sort of growth of awareness of you is impacting or not the work that you're doing.

[15:39]Josie Balka: I think that before when I wasn't sure if anybody was gonna see anything, I it was way easier to write, like, straight from in here because you're not thinking, like, will they like it? Is this gonna resonate? Are people gonna hear this and be like, what is she talking about? Whereas, like, before, I didn't think about that at all. And I find that, like, the poems that I was putting out at the beginning, I wonder if they were just, like, a little bit less thought out, which might have been a good thing. And my goal lately is to try to get out of the mindset of, like, will Mhmm. These people like this as opposed to, like, you went through that. Right? Exactly how it felt. Not like what would sound good as, a trending audio or, like, what would resonate with others. Just say how it went because that's usually the ones that resonate with people the most. So I found that that's kind of been, like, the biggest struggle, but it's also been such a blessing over the last couple years just having everything happen like this. I was a radio host for, like, eleven years, and I recently got laid off. And I never would have taken this on full time. But now that I am, I feel like I don't know. Feels like everything was a blueprint up until now because I just have this incredible thing to kind of fall back on and then this thing that I built while I was working and with no intention of it ever being any other way. And it was kind of like I was almost building myself a shelter from a storm that I didn't know was coming. And it's just been it's been great to know that I have this now, which is nice. That's amazing. Well, I'm sorry you were laid off. That's terrible. Oh, that's okay. I know. But, you know, I mean Yeah. I know. It it it is tough. Like, today, like, being kind of the big the real beginning of the year, I'm like, woah.

[17:23]Zibby Owens: Brand new start. It feels super fresh again, but I'll get used to it. Well, you have a book coming out, like, tomorrow. So, I mean, that's a pretty great start to the year. Thank goodness. I mean, you hit me just, like, being like, I don't know what's next, but this is exciting. But I see what you're excited. The unknown is always terrifying. I'm sure you Yes. Written about this as well.

[17:44]Josie Balka: It'll be a blessing. I think of it. It, like it's something I've thought about for a long time, but something I never would have had the courage to do on my own. It kinda needed to be decided for me. And it was. So that's we'll see how it goes.

[17:56]Zibby Owens: Have you thought about, like, taking the show on the road and, like, to re not just a book tour, but, like, you know, like, I don't know, somehow recreating, like, almost like a staged adaptation with the booth and everything.

[18:11]Josie Balka: I've never even considered that as an option. I have friends who, like, love to perform, and I met them in media, and they've all said, like, you should take this on the road. And I'm like, I don't really have time. And now I I do have time, but I just I guess the fear of not being relevant enough to do that is what, like, is in the forefront of my mind. Like, I'm like, nobody would wanna come in and see that. But I do think that doing, like, readings and, like, stops at different bookstores and stuff is something that I'm gonna try to do. We have a couple stops coming up in January just in Toronto and New York, but I'm thinking about maybe trying to plan outside of that and expand it a little bit. But outside of that, it's not I don't know if that's in the cards for me right now. Maybe I'll wait a little bit longer and grow my

[18:55]Zibby Owens: thing a little bit more. I don't know. I think that doing it more as a play, as a stage experience versus just talking about the book could be really cool. And you wouldn't even need even thought about that. Wouldn't even need a lot. Right? You could just have the set be your little soundproof black stuff and one woman show. Interesting. That'd be really cool. I've never I've literally never even considered that, so that's that's definitely a thought in my head now. Okay. Well, I'll I'll come. I'll come and Great. Bring a group and, you know, all of that. Not that you needed more ideas, but anyway. Here, let me read one more and and then, you know, send you on your way. Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna read this one about prince charming or at least part of it. Okay. We need a and this is embarrassing to read to you when you're, like, such a great No. I love it. It's great. Performer of your poetry, whatever. Anyway, we need a fairy tale where prince charming is a guy who always fills up your water bottle when it's empty and asks how your day was and really listens when you reply. He shows up with takeout from your your favorite spot so you don't have to worry about dinner. A storyline where prince charming is patient even though you're running late again because he couldn't decide what to wear. He randomly holds your hand while you're watching TV. He loves your friends wholeheartedly. He doesn't leave you wondering ever, where's the fairy tale about a prince charming who answers your texts and always says goodnight and fiercely loves you for who you are. He changes where a change is needed, and so do you because he knows what it means to compromise. Prince Charming needs to be portrayed as the guy who makes you feel so deeply comfortable being exactly you with no edits, no ballgowns, no dragons. And, yes, he's wreck rescuing you, but he doesn't realize it in the way that you do. Prince Charming needs to be written as a guy like that, not just happy and in love after all that hardship and fighting, just happy and in love because you both deserved it all along. Guy who brings flowers when he's not sorry and texts your parents back and always says goodnight, and he doesn't wear shining armor, but you don't either anymore. And it's because prince charming does exist. It's just not in the way you expected. It's even better. Oh my gosh. Okay. So good. I don't know that it's Thank you. You just like, they're such zingers.

[21:05]Josie Balka: Thank you. Oh my gosh. That's so nice. I I feel like it's so weird to to to hear it back, like, from you because you're obviously, like your number one critic is yourself. So I'm listening back being like, who is that? Like, hopefully, resonated with that. I don't know. Like, it's it's so hard not to overthink it, but I have found that one thing that I struggled with the most to write about ever in my life is, like, happy things. I used to write a lot of music, and it was all sad. And and now that I I got married a couple months ago, I feel like I mean, obviously, I'm very much in love. We're very much in our little honeymoon phase bubble at the moment. But it's it's interesting now to be able to kinda, like, write more about being in love as opposed to being not wanted, and I've liked that perspective.

[21:51]Zibby Owens: Well, I I love that one. And, you know, people are trying to flip the script on prince charming and, you know, blah blah blah. But, like, this is it. Like, your armor has to be off too. Like, I don't know. It's inspiring. I love it. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Do you have advice on anyone trying to write a book of poems like this or start a career in this type of thing?

[22:13]Josie Balka: Yeah. I would say, like, I think a lot of the time even when I was little, I found that when I was, like, writing in my diary, I wouldn't always be totally honest because I was always like, there's a chance that someone's gonna read this, and then the secret's out. You know? Like, you know, you're gonna know exactly how I feel. So I feel like everything in your brain is always catered in a way, like, just in case somebody reads this. And I think that's something to realize is, like, you are your number one person, confidant. You're the best friend you're ever gonna have because you're the one who gets to make the decisions as to whether or not you tell people things about you or not. And I think that if you just go into writing knowing that nobody will ever read it unless you want them to, it'll take out, like, take out the fear a little bit and bring out a little bit more honesty. And you can go back and read it and be like, oh, this isn't for me or, oh, I never wanna share this. Or you might write it out the way that it is and be like, oh, I feel really inspired by this. But I think just know that at the beginning, it's just you and you, and that's it. And it can stay that way or it can become something more, but it'll help you kind of get your feelings out a little more honestly. I love it. Amazing. Josie, thank you so much, and best of luck on launch and everything else. And Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on again. I really appreciate it. My pleasure. Alright. Take care. Bye. Have a good one. You too. Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly moms don't have time to read books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram at Zibby Owens,

[23:42]Zibby Owens: and spread the word. Thanks so much. Oh, and buy the books.