Laura Clery & Manon Mathews Live at Zibby's Bookshop
[0:00]beautiful book. And I'm sure many questions will come out. First and foremost, the fact
[0:05]that you wrote your first novel. Your murder mystery. No, that's killing you makes
[0:13]you hotter. No. No, this is actually a memoir. I know it reads like fiction, but it's
[0:21]real. Yeah. Really? Did you read it? Yeah. I read it. It was amazing. It was scary.
[0:32]Okay. Slasher. I read it. I thousand percent read it. Okay. If you didn't read it,
[0:38]just you can just say it's okay. I know your busy mom. No, no, no. I would never show up. Yeah.
[0:44]So I did front of all these people not having read my best friend's book. So what struck me the
[0:50]most. Yeah. It was chapter three. When you so vulnerable right about how you when you play
[0:57]with yourself, you don't watch porn. You just visualize what that was a that was a private lunch that
[1:06]we had. That was one of the best. Really? Yeah. When I talked about fantasizing about
[1:16]Peter. Yes. That was between us. That was between us. That was between us. That's three way.
[1:22]That was between us. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. That was private. Let's just erase that
[1:30]from the whoa. Okay. But you have to. You can't deny the time when you're that guy that you were
[1:38]the younger guy that you were dating Tookie to Magic Mountain in the bathroom. Then she was
[1:42]between us. It's okay if you haven't read it. Hi, Laura's mom. Sorry about that. Okay. Yeah. Maybe
[1:52]just do the chapter on the fridge though, the impale. Pinned against the fridge, a 600 pound fridge,
[1:59]that last chapter. What made you want to write about that? That happened after I wrote the book.
[2:06]Yeah. I read it. I read your book in February. Okay. Can I, can we fire her?
[2:13]Is there someone else? I'm going to just pull out the questions that I let you sign in and choose
[2:21]to write. Thank you. I read your book. I know I can read it. That's just okay. It's okay, girl.
[2:28]I'm too. In all seriousness though. Okay. The first line. The first time my husband cheated
[2:39]on me, the candles on the eight year old sober cake I bought for him were still warm. Why did you
[2:44]want to open with that line? Well, like who's not going to want to read that book? You know? And
[2:52]also it really encapsulates what what the book is. This is a micro memoir of the last four years
[2:59]of my life, the unraveling of my marriage. And I write a lot about addiction in the book,
[3:06]not just to drugs and alcohol, but to sex and love and fame and money and all of that. So
[3:14]lots of fame. Yeah. Okay. So that was a joke. Okay. I mean, she's famous. She's a joke. No,
[3:21]this is a bit. Okay. Yeah, your first two books, Idiot and Idiots. This one's more of a micro memoir,
[3:29]you call it. Like how is it different than your other books? Yeah. Well, the first two,
[3:34]Idiot and Idiots, I would say are way more broad and comedic. There also a collection of essays,
[3:44]but I wrote them in hindsight, whereas this one I wrote it almost in real time. It was like a
[3:50]a big diary entry and then I went back and made it better. But yeah, I wrote it in real time.
[3:56]So I feel like I remember that we'd like be at lunch and then you go, okay, I'm going to go home
[4:00]and write about it. Yeah, I did read the first two. They're amazing. I really did read those
[4:05]one during the pande. Yeah. I think Idiots came out right during the pande, right? Yeah.
[4:10]Called the pande. You call it the mix and fun with it because it was such a great time.
[4:15]I like pande. Did any part of you feel like, and I feel like I know the answer to this?
[4:21]Yeah, it is on the list. That maybe some of it was too personal or are you just like, you know?
[4:28]Oh, yeah. But I overshare. That's kind of what I do. That's kind of my thing. All of you know when
[4:34]I'm ovulating. Like I don't come in up. It's coming up. I just write about it and I post about it.
[4:42]And I, you know, you could call that a mental disorder. But I like to say there's a lot of
[4:49]power and vulnerability. And I think that you're as sick as your secrets. And so I am currently
[4:57]ovulating. We're going to go around.
[5:00]know that. We're going to all go around and share a secret. Yes, your deepest
[5:05]darkest secret, all of you, each and everyone. Yeah, it makes it's like freedom.
[5:11]Like if there's nothing weighing on you or that you're holding so scared,
[5:15]like you get to share it. And then you're free. And I think something that I
[5:17]really admire about you is your freedom. And you're your levity and you're
[5:21]light. And it's like nothing's weighing you down because you're not
[5:24]carrying it all by yourself. You're sharing it with the world
[5:26]courageously. It's amazing. Obviously, Steven's relapse and decision to use
[5:34]drugs was incredibly traumatic. Did writing these essays help you and help
[5:41]you heal? Like, or did you have to kind of wait in order to write them like to
[5:46]process? Yeah, no, I wrote it in real time. So I was very much healing in the
[5:54]process. I do think writing them really help me make sense of what is going
[5:59]on, right? When you journal, even just stream of consciousness, you're you're
[6:03]just, I got a lot of clarity from writing every day in the thick of it. You know,
[6:09]it helped me make sense of it. And it also helped me feel not alone. Yeah,
[6:16]you've been writing a long time. Like, yeah, journal entries to, yeah, the
[6:21]universe or God or just yourself to kind of process your feelings. Yeah, yeah,
[6:25]it's a good tool. Something that really stood out to me when reading this was,
[6:34]you said that motherhood, not career, not recovery, made you the bravest you've
[6:40]ever been. Can you talk about that? Sure. Yeah, I think that I
[6:50]pre children. I was really willing to tolerate a lot of BS. And um, and then
[7:00]once I had children, I became way less willing to tolerate and put up with
[7:05]certain things. You know, so I think had I not have had children, maybe I would
[7:10]have stayed in a toxic thing longer. But once I did, it became, you just, you
[7:15]know, that mom of their instant kicks in, you know, just it's not about being in
[7:21]love. You know, when I write about this, like just because he relapsed and turned
[7:25]into someone I didn't really recognize like, there was still this love there
[7:29]and this attachment, but I had to walk away anyway for the sake of the kids. And
[7:33]you know, they're watching everything you do, right? And the whole like, do what I
[7:37]say, not what I do. Doesn't work. Yeah, my dad used to say that. Can you do an impression of your dad?
[7:44]What does your dad sound like? You would just be like holding a bottle like do what I
[7:48]say, not what I do. And then sure enough, you did what he did. I did what he did, honey.
[7:54]A lot of it. A lot of it. It'll too much. Our both of our dads had a green
[7:59]seabring growing up. That's right. So we have a lot in that's why we're supposed to be
[8:05]yeah, we're friends. What surprised you most about starting over?
[8:15]What surprised me most about starting over in like reclaiming your power and I guess
[8:23]that I'm capable, you know, feeling I think for many years I just like had this belief that I needed
[8:32]someone a partner to be able to do life with. And I'm realizing that I'm capable, you know,
[8:41]and on, you know, taking charge of my of my life, you know, I don't like need a man,
[8:49]men are fun. Don't get me wrong. You get their fun. But I don't need you.
[8:54]And now you're divorced. We're divorced. Yeah, we're divorced.
[8:58]We're divorced. When you're divorced, you wiggle. Why did there's just something about
[9:06]being divorced people wiggle? It's a shoddy delay, too. I never used to wiggle before. No, the second
[9:14]I signed the paper. It's just like going to Tahiti and flirting with the waiter on his miles.
[9:21]Now the chapter about reclaiming. Okay, the chapter that I obviously read about
[9:29]reclaiming your finances, which is a big one. Like that's that's a lot to reclaim your finances,
[9:35]both hilarious, credibly relatable. What did taking ownership of that part teach you
[9:43]wasn't that hard? I mean, I was there. It was really hard. I watched it.
[9:50]Yeah, just like, what did it teach you to look at your money?
[9:55]Yeah, I write in the book about how I gave all my like even
[10:00]So I was technically the breadwinner in the relationship I never looked at money.
[10:04]I never looked at it.
[10:05]I had a weird relationship with it and it always told myself, like, oh, I'm not good at
[10:09]that.
[10:10]That's not what I do.
[10:11]I write comedy and I'm a clown and I'm silly and he had full control over the finances,
[10:17]which sadly I think many women relate to that, maybe some men too.
[10:25]And then yeah, when we separated, I lost my partner and then all of a sudden I'm in
[10:32]charge of paying my bills and knowing what's coming in and what's going out and it took
[10:39]me really hitting bottom around that to make a change.
[10:45]But I did eventually.
[10:46]You just learned it.
[10:47]It's just a skill.
[10:48]What's your mindset on that?
[10:49]How did you?
[10:50]Well, I am a big believer in affirmations.
[10:55]So I would just, and I attribute a lot of my success even to affirmations.
[11:00]I think like early on before I was successful in comedy, there were periods where I had
[11:07]low self esteem and I had to trick myself into believing that I could do it.
[11:12]And I would affirm, like, I'm capable, I'm successful, I'm making millions of people
[11:16]laugh around the world and I would just say that every morning and every night I would
[11:20]just do your reprogramming your mind.
[11:22]Yes.
[11:23]Yeah.
[11:24]And then so I did that around money too.
[11:28]So it's just telling yourself a new story, lying to yourself, just lie to yourself.
[11:34]I dilutionally positive.
[11:36]That's right.
[11:37]Yes.
[11:38]Because we lie to ourselves in the negative and it's a lie.
[11:40]Exactly.
[11:41]Any time you have a negative thought you say it like Mickey Mouse, I'm sucky.
[11:45]I'm not enough.
[11:46]And it's not, it's not going to carry the same weight as it, you know, if that, if you
[11:50]need that tool, is that fun?
[11:53]Okay, this is a good question.
[11:56]Stop, stop confusing love with self sacrifice.
[12:00]That, what does, tell me more?
[12:03]Yeah.
[12:04]So well, I think a lot of people, including myself, I found myself really enabling an addict.
[12:13]And I called it love.
[12:15]I was in a very codependent relationship for many years.
[12:19]And I didn't realize at the time that I was enabling this person who was in their addiction.
[12:29]And so, and I was calling it love, but really it was enabling and codependency.
[12:34]So I think that sort of hit me too, that I had to, you know, walk away and take action
[12:42]to protect myself and my kids from this person who was supposed to be the safest person
[12:47]in my life.
[12:48]Yeah.
[12:49]What do you hope the readers get when they read that portion of the book?
[12:52]Like what do you hope that they walk away with?
[12:54]Yeah, I hope that they ask, can ask themselves, am I really loving this person and helping
[13:02]this person?
[13:03]Or am I enabling them and robbing them of hitting bottom and robbing them of feeling the consequences
[13:12]of their actions?
[13:14]Yeah.
[13:15]Yeah.
[13:16]Because everyone needs to have their own experience.
[13:18]And if you're taking their Brock bottom away from them and they're not going to learn
[13:22]or change.
[13:23]But that's not why you do it.
[13:24]You have to do it to take care of yourself totally, which is sometimes hard to do.
[13:28]When you've been with someone so long, yes, you were with him for how long?
[13:32]It's like 12 years.
[13:34]Yeah, that's a scary thing to walk away from, right?
[13:37]Because it's so familiar.
[13:38]It's what you know.
[13:39]You're basically saying, OK, I'm jumping into the unknown.
[13:42]Oh my gosh.
[13:43]And then you have young kids with this person.
[13:44]Yeah.
[13:45]So you feel like you have to stay.
[13:46]Yes.
[13:47]You want to stay.
[13:48]You want to help.
[13:49]You want to, I want it to be like one of the paltrowing and Chris Martin and consciously
[13:52]uncouple.
[13:53]That didn't fucking happen.
[13:55]But I wanted it.
[13:57]You know, and I really tried.
[13:59]I really tried.
[14:00]And then he just, it just, it got so undeniably bad that I just, I hit that, that point of
[14:07]desperation and drove to the courthouse and filed for a straining order and had to just
[14:14]make really tough decisions, you know, he had a fully loose custody of our two young kids.
[14:20]DCFS got involved.
[14:22]And it just had to get that bad for it to get better.
[14:25]Yeah.
[14:26]Which is just so wild because I remember you going through this and like, you know, I would
[14:31]be, you'd drive, be driving to like a premiere or something and you're like, oh yeah, I
[14:35]filed a restraining order.
[14:36]And you were so positive about it.
[14:38]Like delucious.
[14:39]I'm like, how do you break down and lose your, or do you break down ever?
[14:46]Because you just seem so elevated a lot of the time.
[14:51]Yeah.
[14:52]Yeah.
[14:53]Yeah.
[14:54]Yeah.
[14:55]When I have time, I cry.
[14:56]Do you ever feel like there's no time to cry?
[14:57]Like there's no time.
[14:58]Um.
[15:00]Yeah, no, absolutely.
[15:02]Yeah, but I try not to, to stay in it.
[15:05]Yeah, for two more.
[15:07]Yeah, because you got kids.
[15:07]I could be, you're busy.
[15:09]Yeah, but I should cry more.
[15:13]I should cry more.
[15:14]I can't do it right now, but I will soon.
[15:16]I will soon.
[15:17]I'll cry soon.
[15:19]I'll cry soon.
[15:20]Can your kids, Alfie and Poppy.
[15:25]Being a mom.
[15:31]No.
[15:32]OK, it's fine.
[15:34]I like being a mom.
[15:35]What have they taught you about resilience?
[15:41]Just make it up.
[15:42]Make it up.
[15:43]What have they taught me about resilience?
[15:48]Well, I just watched, I suppose that, that feeling pain is
[15:52]normal.
[15:53]And like, I just watched them.
[15:54]Like, kids are such great spiritual teachers.
[15:57]They're such great little teachers.
[15:58]They feel things fully.
[16:00]Like, I watched them get so angry over the dumbest shit.
[16:03]But just so angry because they wanted a different color ball
[16:07]or whatever the thing is, you know, they scream or they cry.
[16:11]They have these epic meltdowns and tantrums.
[16:14]And they just express themselves fully.
[16:16]And then they're able to process that and then move on.
[16:20]And they're just like, dance into K-pop with a popsicle,
[16:22]like two seconds later or five minutes later.
[16:26]And I think I take that from them.
[16:28]Like, it's OK to feel pain, you know, life is hard and scary
[16:34]and doesn't always go according to plan.
[16:36]And it's OK to feel all that.
[16:39]And then move through it and then move through it.
[16:42]And that to me is resilience, being able to move through.
[16:46]Yeah, the most difficult times.
[16:49]You know, bounce back, bitch.
[16:51]Yeah, we can't bounce back if we were pressed.
[16:53]Right, because that will come out in another way.
[16:56]The only way through is the only way through is through.
[17:02]What's that saying?
[17:03]Way is through.
[17:04]That's what Johnny said to me as I was giving birth.
[17:06]The only way through is through.
[17:08]Did he say that through?
[17:09]Yeah, as I was pushing for the third hour
[17:11]throwing up to the side, girl, I was like,
[17:13]I can't do this.
[17:14]Let's just cut me open, giving birth to an eight pound baby.
[17:18]And he was like, the only way is through.
[17:19]And I was like, oh, God!
[17:21]Oh, and then he came out.
[17:26]The only way is through.
[17:26]The only way through is through.
[17:29]Come through.
[17:30]Alfie's escaped to Ralph's.
[17:32]Yeah, why did you include that in the story?
[17:37]It's a great story.
[17:38]Her son.
[17:38]Yes.
[17:39]Yeah, so I have a seven-year-old son.
[17:41]He just turned seven, and he's on the autism spectrum.
[17:45]When he was just under two, he was diagnosed
[17:47]with level three, severe autism.
[17:49]I was told he may never speak, may never be stop.
[17:54]No, let it out.
[17:56]Repress.
[17:56]No, no, no.
[17:58]Yeah, no, may never speak, may never be independent.
[18:02]And he's come a long way.
[18:03]They were wrong.
[18:04]He's very much speaking now, expressing his wants and needs.
[18:08]He's just super brilliant in so many ways.
[18:11]But one thing that autistic kids do is they
[18:16]elope or they fuck off.
[18:18]They just run away.
[18:20]That's what it is.
[18:21]It's like you're super curious, but you lack a sense
[18:23]of danger.
[18:24]And the prime eloping years are four to seven.
[18:28]So he's seven, so I'm hoping it comes to an end.
[18:30]But last summer, like eight in the morning,
[18:34]he looks at me and he goes, candy.
[18:36]And I said, Alfie, I don't have candy.
[18:38]And he goes, candy.
[18:40]And I said, Alfie, I don't have candy.
[18:41]I'm sorry.
[18:42]I said, I'm going to go to class.
[18:44]So my nanny comes so I can get an hour of zen meditation, right?
[18:49]My nanny calls me on my way to yoga,
[18:51]and she goes, he's gone, Laura.
[18:53]And I said, what do you mean he's gone?
[18:54]She goes, I was packing his back to go to the dentist,
[18:57]and he's gone.
[18:58]I'm on his route right now, where we normally walk,
[19:00]and he's nowhere.
[19:02]So I finished my class.
[19:04]No, I'm just kidding.
[19:06]It was amazing.
[19:08]So good.
[19:10]I got a matcha, and then I called the police.
[19:16]No, I turn around.
[19:17]I call the police, and I say, my son, he's six years old.
[19:21]He's non-verbal.
[19:22]He's wearing a red spider-man t-shirt.
[19:24]He's been missing for maybe 15 minutes.
[19:27]And as I'm speeding down the street,
[19:28]I see a cop car across the street.
[19:30]I pull over.
[19:31]I rolled out my window and I said, my son, he's six years old.
[19:34]He's non-verbal.
[19:35]He's got a red spider-man t-shirt on.
[19:36]He's missing.
[19:37]The cop looks at me and he goes, yeah, yeah, we got him.
[19:40]He's at the Ralphs.
[19:41]I said, the Ralphs?
[19:43]They said, just say there, we'll bring him to you.
[19:45]This fucker walked 1.4 miles to the Ralphs.
[19:51]OK.
[19:51]Cop comes five minutes later with three cop cars walk across the street.
[19:56]Or sorry, three cops walk across the street
[19:58]to me with Alfie in the middle, my seven-year-olds.
[20:00]walking to me with a box of sour patch kids just like smiling looking at me like he got the candy
[20:06]He got the candy and I said do we leave the house without an adult? Yes or no?
[20:10]He said no, no, we don't so it's like he knows
[20:14]But it doesn't care
[20:17]But anyway, so that's a story and it's happened it actually happened again
[20:21]He is now tracked to that. He's got a tracker on his shoe
[20:25]He's got a tracker on his pocket. I know where he is at all times. One of the trackers I can say Alfie
[20:30]But I always think he is
[20:33]Yeah, he did it one other time to Ralph's like a few months sour patch or something else
[20:40]Big birthday cake. Oh, who's was at any walk birthday or it was just no. He just wanted cake. Yeah, I get I get that
[20:48]You understand right I walked out with a cake for 12
[20:52]Yeah, yeah, what kind of cake was it? It was vanilla. Yeah, okay
[21:02]What was I saying okay, what were you saying?
[21:06]What would what's chapter you think that people reading will be most surprised by?
[21:15]Maybe the one where the FBI
[21:18]I
[21:21]That doesn't feel very believable, but it was
[21:25]Real
[21:27]Yeah, she'd be I we would have plans to like shoot on our podcast and she's like I can't yet the FBI's here
[21:33]In a text I'd be like, okay, we'll push an hour
[21:39]Yeah
[21:40]Which chapter made you laugh the hardest writing it probably the dating after divorce
[21:47]Yeah, yeah, just you know funny little
[21:53]Experiences it's so weird being in a relationship be married for 10 years and together with someone for 12 then you come out and it's this whole new world
[22:02]You know just had some funny
[22:04]Fairy strange experiences
[22:06]This one guy did I told you about the
[22:10]Coffee on the street. No, the guy who asked you a few words in a cage. Oh
[22:15]I did not I was not involved in that. He just told me about it. Oh, what's going on?
[22:22]Yeah, raise your hand here if you put your penis in a cage anyone who's anyone for their penis in a cage
[22:29]It's like a BDS something. It's like a submission thing and then who the person you're with keeps the key and you could only have access
[22:36]To your penis if you have to be like, please can I have access? Can I pee pee now? And they're like all right? And then they unlock yeah
[22:43]So we're selling our books, but we also have some cages back there
[22:51]Which it's really weird
[22:54]No, it's so weird and he so we were just this guy and I were you know
[22:57]We were friends and then he tells me about these kinks that he has and like seeing if I'm interested. No, thank you
[23:04]I'm not
[23:06]And he was just like okay, but like I'll just do whatever you say, you know
[23:10]It doesn't have to be sexual and I was like you'll do whatever I say
[23:13]And he's like anything
[23:15]So I was like all right, I guess I'll try and I ended up just being like drink eight glasses of water every day
[23:23]And send me a picture of the water when you're done. We're probably this health. That's all I did man in
[23:29]You could have had him like clean your house
[23:33]Go to the gym bitch
[23:36]It was like all right. It was not hot at all
[23:40]Do you still talk to this you was very hydrated? No, I haven't talked I haven't talked to it a while
[23:47]No, I cuz I can't get the cage out of my head
[23:51]None of us will either
[23:53]So have you has your definition of having it all together changed. Why did you even that mean?
[24:00]I don't know, but it's on the title of my book
[24:03]My shit together. No, oh my god. Um, you know like some people think having it all together is having the house
[24:10]Having the husband having the kids and it's like isn't there just more of an internal satisfaction that yeah
[24:16]You're now having following your soul's desire and taking the best
[24:21]Care of yourself
[24:23]Great answered my own question. No, no, no. Yes. Absolutely. I would say that. Yeah, my definitions changed. Yeah, it was maybe more shallow in my 20s
[24:32]You know, and that it was like about like the perfect nuclear home. No, no, it's like
[24:37]I'm well aware that yeah, exactly the goal is a quiet
[24:42]Mind and a loving heart. It's peace. It's contentment and that's and that really is an inside job
[24:48]You know, and I was able to find it even in the midst of the insanity
[24:53]You know, what's your relationship like now with Steven? Are you eyes on good? So now yeah, so now we're
[25:00]back together.
[25:01]No.
[25:02]Thank you.
[25:03]Thank you.
[25:04]So great.
[25:05]I mean, my mom's like not funny or not funny.
[25:12]He's here.
[25:13]Come on in, Steve.
[25:14]Come on in, baby.
[25:15]She's pregnant.
[25:16]You guys.
[25:17]Gender of you.
[25:18]No.
[25:19]You're like, I'm out of here.
[25:20]No.
[25:21]We were actually were cordial.
[25:22]He's over 11 months.
[25:23]Like I said, it had to get really bad.
[25:26]But, you know, we're co-parenting our kids.
[25:31]You have one to two times a week.
[25:33]And, you know, we've been divorced now, especially for two
[25:36]months.
[25:37]I feel it takes that long.
[25:39]I mean, you know, from the separation, which was four
[25:41]years ago to four years to actually like sign everything.
[25:44]But I would say now, like, you know, we're going to be
[25:48]in a conversation, which was four years ago to four years to
[25:51]actually like sign everything.
[25:53]But I would say now like, he's their father.
[25:56]And, you know, we're cordial.
[25:58]And I just feel okay because I know that if he ever
[26:03]abuses me, disrespects me, gets back on drugs.
[26:06]I just take action like that.
[26:07]I just do it.
[26:08]I'll have no qualms about it.
[26:09]It's probably easier that he's not in the house.
[26:11]Oh, absolutely.
[26:12]Right.
[26:13]Sometimes that distance.
[26:14]Not living with a man is the best.
[26:15]I, you live with it.
[26:17]I love living with my man.
[26:19]No, yeah.
[26:20]Besides, you guys, it's so fun.
[26:22]So nice to just have him always there.
[26:26]But I think it's, yeah.
[26:27]I think I just, I'm very, I'm very cautious.
[26:30]But it is what it is.
[26:31]I take a day by day.
[26:32]You know, he actually asked me in the settlement.
[26:34]He says, hey, can you put in random drug tests for the next five
[26:38]years or however long you want?
[26:40]So he however long I want?
[26:42]Yeah, you.
[26:43]How about a long man in Matthew's wants?
[26:46]A day.
[26:47]Yeah.
[26:48]It's really strange.
[26:49]But yeah.
[26:50]And so I thought that that showed some growth, which is wonderful.
[26:54]So I take it one day at a time.
[26:55]How do you, how do you stay so, you know, because a lot of
[26:58]people, you're just so forgiving and so loving and you keep your heart open.
[27:03]How are you that way?
[27:04]Were you always that way?
[27:05]Did you do something?
[27:06]I think probably the recovery program that I was a part of top,
[27:10]taught me about that.
[27:12]And I think like the idea that you have to forgive everything
[27:15]everyone is kind of controversial and you don't.
[27:17]Like you actually don't have to.
[27:19]I am a crazy person if I am resentful.
[27:23]Like for me, I find it very hard to function in life when I'm angry.
[27:28]And because I'm also a recovering addict, you know, they say a lot
[27:32]in recovery that resentment is the number one offender.
[27:35]It's the first thing that takes people out back to the drink, the
[27:38]drug, whatever their addiction is.
[27:40]So for me, it's kind of imperative that I forgive not
[27:44]necessarily for them, but for me.
[27:46]So I can stay sane.
[27:48]And so I think I just do that.
[27:51]It's not like I don't get angry from time to time, but I try to just process
[27:55]it and move on.
[27:56]Because what is the point?
[27:57]I don't want to be miserable.
[27:59]I don't want to be able to make so many people laugh if you're still
[28:02]resentful.
[28:03]And that's so true.
[28:04]It's like it's very heavy to be resentful.
[28:06]And I too am part of that was part of that is part of that recovery
[28:10]program.
[28:11]And it's like you take a look at what you're resentful for.
[28:13]And then you make amends with it.
[28:15]And you make peace with it.
[28:16]And you remove it.
[28:17]And then you have levity about something that used to be traumatic.
[28:19]And wiring humor to that is such a gift because you don't laugh.
[28:23]If you're mad, you don't most think if I'm mad, that's
[28:27]all funny.
[28:28]That's not funny because I'm like on edge.
[28:30]And I haven't dealt with my resentment.
[28:31]So like your proof of being able to continue to make content and continue
[28:35]to make is proof that you're taking care of your internal state, which is
[28:39]really commendable.
[28:40]And we all thank you for that.
[28:41]Does anyone have any questions?
[28:42]Yeah.
[28:43]Yeah.
[28:44]Yeah.
[28:45]You guys are really in your hubris.
[28:47]Have you ever thought about maybe making proof to me?
[28:50]But.
[28:51]No.
[28:52]No.
[28:53]I don't think so.
[28:54]You don't really like this.
[28:55]What's a public eye?
[28:56]Yeah.
[28:57]Yeah.
[28:58]Yeah.
[28:59]Are there any real questions?
[29:03]Not from my father.
[29:06]Yeah.
[29:07]So how was narrating your book?
[29:10]Ooh.
[29:13]I enjoyed it.
[29:16]You know, you're sort of locked in a little box for seven hours a day.
[29:21]So that was really fun.
[29:24]It took it like eight days.
[29:26]And the producer was like, you know what normally it takes people for.
[29:29]And I'm like, thank you.
[29:30]Wow.
[29:31]And but I think it's really good because it took me.
[29:34]So I had to get it right.
[29:35]It was fun.
[29:36]It was enjoyable.
[29:37]Yeah.
[29:38]I liked it.
[29:40]Thank you.
[29:41]Any other questions from the audience?
[29:43]Yeah.
[29:44]So I can resonate because I use humor a lot too.
[29:49]But I maybe I'm asking it.
[29:51]But I've dealt with firsthand addiction.
[29:54]Not myself.
[29:55]Yeah.
[29:57]Is there.
[29:59]And I don't believe.
[30:00]even, sorry, English is not my first language.
[30:03]It's okay.
[30:04]Regret, but is there a turning point
[30:06]where you look back and think,
[30:09]I would have done that before?
[30:11]Also, thank you so much for the book, it was amazing.
[30:14]And I love you, and you guys are amazing.
[30:16]That's awesome.
[30:17]Thank you, thank you so much.
[30:19]That's a good question.
[30:20]And I actually don't think I would have done it differently.
[30:27]No, that's a lie.
[30:29]Well, because I separated from him once in 2014
[30:34]when he had relapsed.
[30:35]And then we were separated from maybe four months.
[30:39]He went off to rehab.
[30:41]But I watched him work the steps.
[30:43]I watched him go to rehab.
[30:44]I watched him change.
[30:45]And then we slowly started dating.
[30:47]And I think about the wonderful seven or eight years
[30:51]we had after that.
[30:52]We had two incredible kids.
[30:54]We were both really involved in recovery.
[30:56]And we were just having the time of our lives.
[30:58]It's like I don't regret taking him back then.
[31:02]What I do regret is not walking away the first time
[31:05]it got really bad in 2021.
[31:11]I regret that.
[31:12]And that is because I was just in fear.
[31:15]I was so scared of what would happen if I took action
[31:19]and got a lawyer.
[31:20]I was terrified.
[31:22]So I was like, oh, well, do it peacefully, mediator,
[31:25]that's bad.
[31:26]No.
[31:27]Especially when someone is using, yeah,
[31:30]I know for me, the fear would be like,
[31:32]I'm going to hurt themselves or harm themselves.
[31:36]If I do the wrong thing and you feel
[31:38]irresponsible for the people that we love,
[31:40]and I think that's where that co-dependency comes from.
[31:43]And that can be a whole fear on its own.
[31:45]Of like, I want to make sure he takes care of himself.
[31:48]And man, that's like a huge decision.
[31:51]It's a very courageous that you even left.
[31:53]And like, so again, that takes like incredible strength
[31:58]as a mom to do that.
[31:59]Like, I think we all see you.
[32:03]I'm going to try to make you cry again.
[32:05]Oh.
[32:07]I have read and mark all three of your thoughts.
[32:12]And I wasn't completely my decision to do that.
[32:17]I was like, you know, like, you're still a partner.
[32:22]It would be too helpful to me or to be a victim.
[32:27]In what recent video?
[32:30]Oh, in a recent video.
[32:31]So you know, I think that it was my idea.
[32:40]Yeah.
[32:41]I just, I think, and I've been making content
[32:46]for, I don't know, 14 years now.
[32:50]She filmed her births.
[32:52]Yeah.
[32:52]I think it's like there's nothing untouched, right?
[32:54]Well, yeah.
[32:54]And so what happened was he was dropping the kids off.
[32:58]And he meant he said,
[33:00]did you say that I started a cult?
[33:04]And I said, well, you did.
[33:06]And he goes, that's not a cult.
[33:09]I go, well, what is it?
[33:10]He goes, a group of vulnerable individuals
[33:12]that, you know, paying me every single month.
[33:16]Oh.
[33:18]And so I think I thought, you know,
[33:21]that's a really funny 15-second book promo.
[33:26]You going, the final time my husband cheated on me,
[33:31]that's your opening line.
[33:34]And I said, well, you did, you know?
[33:36]And so I just, it just happened and I shot it.
[33:39]And yeah, I think, you know, I call it a blessing
[33:45]or a curse, I don't know.
[33:46]I just look at, I find the sketch in everything.
[33:50]She really does.
[33:51]In everything.
[33:52]And it kind of shows that you guys,
[33:54]you're healed enough to add levity
[33:58]to what was a tragic situation.
[34:02]So right?
[34:02]So like it's kind of cool to show what's possible
[34:06]on the other side.
[34:07]Yeah.
[34:08]Which is if you have something hard happened,
[34:12]just make a video on it.
[34:13]I think that's what we could here and there.
[34:17]Yeah.
[34:18]If they're both participate.
[34:19]But the difference is now we're divorced.
[34:21]She's not, you know, leading a cult.
[34:26]Yeah.
[34:27]You have to vote pressure or vote with people
[34:28]that are shooting, I think your next folks.
[34:33]Next books.
[34:34]I'm back and, okay, I've got three,
[34:37]because this one was pretty heavy.
[34:39]Part of me wants to write a book
[34:40]on what it's like raising a child on the spectrum.
[34:44]And then I'm like, all right, right?
[34:46]It's a great idea.
[34:47]Or potentially children's book where the parents aren't
[34:51]together anymore.
[34:52]Just feel that needs more represents.
[34:54]Yeah.
[34:54]And we like that.
[34:55]All right, all right, all right.
[34:57]Or a cookbook.
[35:00]mentioned after this so!
[35:05]She said both of them.
[35:09]She said both of them.
[35:13]She said both of them.
[35:18]She said both of them.
[35:22]She said both of them.
[35:25]Coming up…
[35:27]In fact, the ballet plays.
[35:29]I don't want to be like overly dependent, but also not just to make sense. It's hard.
[35:35]Yeah, I feel like I'm the worst person to ask if you read that or would not ask me.
[35:44]Maybe with your interaction. I don't know what's coming up for me is like are you
[35:49]is when you're interacting with that person is it coming from fear or faith? Fear or love?
[35:55]Is it an intention to be close or is it out of like fear if I'm not close that'll
[35:59]lose something? And so really being mindful of like, yeah, the intention of why we're
[36:05]spending time with each other. Is it because I need you and without you all die? Or is it I want
[36:11]to simply build our relationship? I mean, that's a very good question. And aren't like all relationships
[36:18]inherently a little codependent? Yeah, right. Like I'll do each other as humans. Yeah, but then I
[36:25]think it's just having the self love to walk away when he starts crossing boundaries is the
[36:31]new thing, you know, but again, yeah, sometimes the most loving thing we can do is walk away
[36:38]with love and saying no, that's like sometimes the most loving action.
[36:44]Yeah.
[36:50]How though I did it. It's my story, girlfriend, but I also consulted with a whole legal team
[36:59]with my publisher and we went through every single line and actually I did, he knew I was writing
[37:07]and he still acted that way. Isn't that crazy? No, he knew and he actually, that's like one of
[37:14]the few redeeming qualities. My mom, she's talking to him. No redeeming qualities. He's a shit.
[37:24]I don't trust him. I'm a bastard. I'm a bastard. But um, no, yeah, you don't talk like that.
[37:40]No, but he did say, I told him I was writing a book about this separation and divorce and
[37:46]you know, honestly, I said sobriety brought us together, addiction to our support. And like I said,
[37:52]in the beginning, not just to alcohol and drugs, it was also to sex, to love, to success, all of it.
[38:00]I mean, even just the whole freaking internet knew about my separation before my mom,
[38:07]because I had asked him for a separation because he was acting erratic and you know,
[38:12]and then the next morning I wake up to all these texts and phone calls, is everything okay,
[38:15]are you okay? Are you okay? And I'm like, what's going on? And I look on YouTube and there's a
[38:19]video titled I Separated From My Wife. So it right because it's that, you're bad.
[38:28]One million. No, like yeah. But also like what I saw, what I see there is an addiction to like,
[38:36]oh, I know this will go viral. And I know that this will get monetized and make me relevant
[38:42]because I'm trying to fill the hole in the soul with external shit, you know, need for control to
[38:48]less. Yeah. But anyway, long answer, but I told him that I was writing a book and he goes right
[38:54]your truth, Laura. It happened, write it, tell it. It's not your fault for telling it's his fault
[39:00]for being. Yeah, if you don't want to coast or in a bug, don't be such an asshole. And then even
[39:08]in my second book, I was like, hey, do you mind if I write about this affair? And he was like,
[39:13]it's your truth, write it, write it. You know? So. Oh, I think she had her hand up. Yeah.
[39:22]Yeah. You spoke about how not only is your son on the spectrum, but also possibly your ex and your
[39:27]father. Do you feel as though the information and wisdom and insights that you believe in navigating
[39:33]how best to relate to your son kind of helped you in any way and navigating your relationships
[39:38]with your ex and your father and anyone else in your life? Absolutely. I mean, it's given me,
[39:42]I used to feel really sad that my dad would never call me. I think my dad's called me
[39:49]once in my life and it was a pocket dial. You guys, I was like, daddy? He's like, oh, sorry about that.
[39:56]I didn't mean to call you. Are you?
[40:00]But you know what, autism, like I kind of go, wow, he does looking back, it was, you know,
[40:06]things were diagnosed nearly as much as they are now, but right, there's so many traits
[40:13]that I noticed with him, especially the social deficit, and like, he didn't call his own mom or
[40:18]his sisters or anyone, it wasn't personal. So it really helped me to understand my relationship
[40:26]with my father and accept that. And then also, yeah, even with my ex too, you know,
[40:33]absolutely. Yeah.
[40:37]All righty, get to hell out!
[40:49]Thank you guys so much, we have folks available for sale,
[40:53]Yay! Thank you for having us, thank you.
[40:56]Thank you guys for coming.
[41:22]you
[41:52]you