Author event! Gila Pfeffer & Jessica Zucker
[0:00]Diana, she's a PR person since she was coming, where is she?
[0:07]Where is she?
[0:08]Diana!
[0:09]I think, let's just go outside and yell.
[0:11]So much of the coming.
[0:12]We are here celebrating great U.S. efforts.
[0:15]Both, and we are in Liza's garden.
[0:18]Yay!
[0:20]I first read that U.S. efforts with human writers.
[0:24]And you are.
[0:25]I am very much human.
[0:27]Both.
[0:28]She's so cool.
[0:35]She's so cool.
[0:57]I feel as a New York City in London.
[0:59]Yes.
[1:00]I know, but we are going to get her to move to LA.
[1:02]Which is why I came very unprepared for this.
[1:04]The Santa Monica weather.
[1:06]Coastal weather.
[1:07]Yes.
[1:08]Yes.
[1:09]In conversation we have guest with Lookers.
[1:10]She's a Los Angeles-based psychologist specializing in reproductive health and the author
[1:14]reorg, winning books, normalize it.
[1:17]And shame that shape women lives.
[1:20]And I had a miscarriage and a more movement.
[1:23]Jessica is the creator of the viral hashtag.
[1:26]I had a miscarriage campaign for running as a peer to the New York Times.
[1:29]The Washington Post, New York magazine vote.
[1:31]And Harvard is a degree among others.
[1:33]She is also a future on NPR, CNN.
[1:35]The Today Show.
[1:36]And good morning America.
[1:37]She's an advanced student from New York University.
[1:39]And Harvard University.
[1:41]And we're so excited to hear a conversation.
[1:44]So take away.
[1:45]Thank you.
[1:47]Also, one of the work my book one is a Zibia award.
[1:51]So I'm particularly.
[1:52]I know.
[1:53]She should be here for that.
[1:54]Oh, yeah.
[1:55]Coastal people.
[1:56]Okay.
[1:57]Well, I'm going to start off by saying that this human is incredibly special.
[2:06]We connected.
[2:07]I think like the two of you did through Instagram.
[2:10]And I think this book is absolutely revolutionary.
[2:14]She had me crying.
[2:17]Like even crying last night with her as I was talking about it.
[2:22]And maybe even here today.
[2:25]And hysterically laughing.
[2:27]So I just feel so honored to be here with you.
[2:31]And the truth is we connected because I was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2021.
[2:38]And as I was telling her last night over dinner,
[2:43]I was reluctant to read the book at first.
[2:46]I was scared because I didn't want to sort of feel triggered because it's also fresh for me.
[2:52]And I think this book is a lifeline.
[2:55]So I think this book is for everybody.
[2:58]Thank you for writing it.
[2:59]I think so.
[3:00]I had no choice.
[3:01]I had to.
[3:02]Yeah, you did.
[3:03]Yeah.
[3:04]When you write a memoir, you, you know.
[3:05]Yeah.
[3:06]And he's working on a memoir.
[3:07]It's it's got to come out one way or the other.
[3:09]Yes.
[3:10]So it has to come out.
[3:11]But as you said, it was very much my intention to write it with humor.
[3:15]Or even, you know, the title nearly departed and the subtitle adventures in lost cancer and other inconveniences.
[3:22]My hope is to write about hard things.
[3:26]But with humor, because it's not that I'm belittling them or not giving them the respect.
[3:31]But that's kind of the way that I process adversity.
[3:35]And that's the way that I open doors to speak to people about adversity.
[3:39]Because nobody wants to have a hard conversation.
[3:41]But if you make them laugh, you can kind of get in there with the important breast cancer prevention advocacy messages.
[3:47]Maybe I should try that in session.
[3:49]We're trying it patience.
[3:50]Just zoom in.
[3:52]You'll make a lot.
[3:54]And he has a lot of effort.
[3:56]Don't worry about who's on the screen there.
[3:58]She just did a facilitator better session.
[4:01]She's going to make us laugh about all the trauma.
[4:04]Yes.
[4:05]All right.
[4:06]Well, I want to get into the questions because we don't have enough time.
[4:08]We could talk all night.
[4:10]Okay.
[4:11]So you have a rather unconventional breast cancer story.
[4:14]One you've described as getting cancer backwards.
[4:18]Would you please share your experience with us for those who haven't read the book yet?
[4:22]Sure.
[4:23]So, you know, there's a typical trajectory of breast cancer where somebody either has
[4:29]a mammogram or some kind of screening or feels a lump.
[4:32]You know, often somebody will say, a woman will say, I was trying on bathing suits.
[4:37]And I saw a sliver or a shadow.
[4:39]And then you have to go for testing and all the things that come after that.
[4:44]And if there's a diagnosis to be had, the stage of the diagnosis.
[4:48]I actually tried really hard not to get breast cancer because my mom died at 42.
[4:54]And her mom died at 49 both of the breast cancer.
[4:57]So I kind of, I was 20 when my mom died.
[5:00]see this is what I mean. You got to get it funny because you see what I mean.
[5:04]Stop! I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm like, I can't imagine.
[5:08]And you're, and you're young, because since you were good at all, I know.
[5:12]Okay, from a young age, I just understood that, you know, before I did with the internet
[5:17]and before there was genetic testing, I was like, this thing is coming for me.
[5:20]I need to avoid it. And so I got, you know, very serious about doing breast
[5:26]self exams. I found myself a breast surgeon to, to regular checkups.
[5:31]Again, I was only 20 years old. I was in college. And I was just pretty determined to say
[5:37]myself and also my four younger siblings. I've got three younger sisters and a brother.
[5:42]And, you know, somewhere over the following 10 years, I got married, had some kids,
[5:48]and then get ready for it. My dad died of colon cancer.
[5:52]Calm down. It's okay. I mean, I just can't. But funny, jazz hands.
[5:56]And that is when my preventative endeavors really kicked into high gear.
[6:06]At that point, there was the internet. I was able to find, you know, like my communities,
[6:10]but also learn more about what I was facing. So the family history was a big piece of it.
[6:16]But then I insisted on getting a mammogram at 30, which was its own, you know, we have to advocate
[6:22]for ourselves and our own health. This is a very relevant, I see people nodding because we know
[6:27]sometimes we're turned away. It's nothing. Don't worry. No, you keep screaming until you get
[6:31]the peace of mind that you deserve, you know, to know that you're fine or are not fine and need
[6:36]further treatment. Well, I got that baseline mammogram and that was fine. And around, you know,
[6:43]not long after that, the concept of genetic testing became available to the masses, not in the way
[6:50]that we know today where everyone does, you know, 23 of me and finds out they're like 2% biking
[6:54]so much fun. But it was a more serious test. It was expensive. It was a blood test. And it was to
[7:00]determine whether or not I had a gene called, a gene mutation called Braka, which is
[7:06]where everyone knows, BR for breast, CA for cancer. And not in any way, shockingly, I tested
[7:14]positive of gene mutation. But frankly, with my family history, I just knew that
[7:19]something was coming for me. So what are my options available to me? Again, around the same time,
[7:24]I learned from a friend who had had her own family history of cancer. She had a preventative
[7:30]double mastectomy or a risk-reducing double mastectomy without knowing anything more about it. I'm
[7:34]like, I want that. It sounds horrible. Give it to me. Yep. And so how I got cancer backwards is
[7:41]as I had been going for mammograms and ultrasounds and MRIs and exercising and eating well,
[7:47]doing all the things that you do. And I had the preventative mastectomy at the age of 34. I had
[7:54]four little kids ages 1, 3, 5, and 7. And I woke up from that surgery feeling like a rock star,
[8:00]a rock star with tubes coming out of anywhere. But I felt like I did it. I beat it. I beat cancer.
[8:06]And six days later, my surgeon called and said, you're not going to believe this. We found two
[8:10]early but aggressive cancers and one breast you saved your own life. Right? And that is why I
[8:16]I say I got cancer backwards because my breast tissue was already out of my body. It was nothing
[8:21]else to scan or look for. But regardless of what order it happened in, I still, yeah, you can come
[8:30]in from over there. Oh, well, they walked away. Can you go catch the object? Just like, he's
[8:38]a lasso. And regardless, I still underwent eight rounds of preventative chemotherapy just to be
[8:45]sure because I was young. I had a family history. I was genetically predisposed. So that's what I mean
[8:53]when I say backwards. And it was very difficult for me to find someone to talk to who had gone through
[8:58]a similar sort of, you know, in that same order. Over the years, it's now been 17 years since that
[9:04]ordeal. I have met about two people who had that happened. But the bottom line is that I was
[9:11]out there looking for it. I saw it coming. And it still happened. And that's why I'm so, you know,
[9:16]pink hair, very passionate about breast cancer prevention. And I shouted from the rooftops. But again,
[9:22]I'm always going to do it with humor because it works. It really does. That answer your question.
[9:28]I mean, yes, it did. I have so many more though. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So you refer to yourself as a
[9:36]breast cancer pre-biver as well as a survivor. What do you mean by that? And what is a pre-biver? I mean,
[9:44]maybe everybody here knows. So has anyone here heard the term pre-viver? Okay. Yeah. A pre-viver
[9:50]someone who lives with a predisposition to a given disease and takes steps to minimize that. So
[9:58]in learning that I was broke out. And.
[10:00]and knowing my family history and having this surgery,
[10:03]I had pre-bied cancer.
[10:05]And if things had gone the way they did for Angelina Jolie,
[10:07]who, by the way, her thing happened five years later.
[10:10]So that was my idea first.
[10:11]So if you ever see her, you're at LA,
[10:14]you're like, tell her, feel free here.
[10:15]I want you to know that you still were funder and it's not cool.
[10:19]It actually is cool because she has a much bigger platform
[10:22]than she said she can save a lot more lives.
[10:24]I can do it one by one, which is absolutely fine
[10:27]because I'm Jewish and in Judaism,
[10:28]we believe that when you save one life,
[10:30]you save a whole world.
[10:31]So I'll do my job.
[10:32]She can do her job.
[10:35]But that was, you know, I went from being a pre-viber
[10:39]to a sermon because the breast cancer was already heavy.
[10:42]So, you know, you can be both.
[10:44]A whole two things can be true at the same time.
[10:45]Yes.
[10:46]And that is what led me to be a prevention advocate.
[10:49]Cause I said, well, if I tell more people the story,
[10:52]maybe they'll take their own, knowing their risk profile
[10:56]of finding out their family history
[10:57]and their genetics more seriously.
[11:01]And they do.
[11:02]And they have, right?
[11:03]I mean, people are coming up to you, you know,
[11:06]with gifts, libu booth.
[11:08]Yes.
[11:09]I'm very touched by the work where you do.
[11:11]Play on words, libu booth.
[11:13]I see what you did there.
[11:15]Oh, yeah.
[11:15]But you know, but that's, I don't have a question here
[11:19]about doing it on the first, but I can talk about that.
[11:20]Oh, yeah, do that.
[11:21]Yeah, yeah, we do.
[11:23]So I've been running part of my advocacy work
[11:25]is that I've been running a feeling
[11:27]on the first campaign for close to seven years now.
[11:31]So every first of the month, I post on Instagram
[11:33]and some other social media, a photo of me
[11:35]holding up to food like objects.
[11:39]So to speak, usually seasonal.
[11:40]So there would have been pumpkins on October.
[11:44]I've done lemons.
[11:45]I've done beach balls, frying pans.
[11:48]One year on the beach, I carved two generous boobs
[11:50]and just like hugged them into me.
[11:52]And the idea is that they're very funny
[11:55]and they make people smile over the years.
[11:58]I've started to get photos from people
[12:00]who find me on Instagram saying, look,
[12:02]it's a picture of my kids two cereal bowls after breakfast
[12:05]and it reminded me of you.
[12:06]That's great.
[12:07]Here's a birthday party with two balloons.
[12:09]And the idea is that I'm building this community
[12:12]of people who are starting to,
[12:14]whether they're associating spherical objects
[12:17]with booth or not, isn't the issue?
[12:19]The issue is that it's going from perhaps the back
[12:22]of their minds, more to the forefront of their minds.
[12:25]And that to me is, that's my work being done.
[12:28]Yeah.
[12:29]And if you can scroll back on my Instagram for seven years,
[12:31]you will not find a repeat post.
[12:34]I sit in there breaking my brain every year.
[12:37]Now it's almost the first,
[12:38]oh, what am I gonna do with what problem am I gonna use?
[12:41]I take it very seriously.
[12:43]And every time I think that,
[12:45]oh, everyone's had enough of it,
[12:46]I'll just stop this already.
[12:48]I will never really get a DM from someone who says,
[12:50]because of your posts, I check myself.
[12:54]Yeah.
[12:54]Because of your post, I check myself
[12:56]and I found something.
[12:58]Wow.
[12:59]And I went to the doctor and I'm fine.
[13:02]Because of your posts, I checked myself,
[13:04]I found something.
[13:05]I went to the doctor and guess what?
[13:08]We caught my breast cancer earlier.
[13:10]Now, it's one person at a time,
[13:13]but those women will keep up with me and say,
[13:15]I'm now in treatment.
[13:17]Here's me cold capping.
[13:20]Here's me wearing a wig.
[13:22]Here's me reading the bell on my last chemo.
[13:24]I'm like, that means a lot to me.
[13:27]So of course, I'm influenced in my own family,
[13:30]my younger siblings, to make better decisions and choices.
[13:33]Yeah.
[13:34]But as long as I show up every first of the month
[13:36]and days in between, you know,
[13:38]making a bit of a clown of myself,
[13:40]holding, God knows,
[13:41]one time I use my two baby nieces.
[13:44]And I cover their faces with a good photo of mine.
[13:46]I see that.
[13:47]Yeah, I have two years ago.
[13:48]I feel like a little round little heads.
[13:50]But again, it's about the, you know,
[13:54]quiet, round, round, round about way
[13:58]of getting people to think about breast cancer
[14:00]and a non-scary way because my message is always
[14:03]one of empowerment.
[14:04]Knowledge is power.
[14:05]Don't hide from it.
[14:06]Don't be afraid of it.
[14:08]It's much scarier not to know than to know.
[14:11]True.
[14:12]And that is my feel it on the first.
[14:15]Yeah, I mean, you're normalizing it, right?
[14:17]You're not, not to, you know, love, love, but, but it's true.
[14:21]No, but you're normalizing talking about something
[14:24]that is hard that happens all too often.
[14:26]And so if you're reminding people,
[14:29]the first of every month, people who first saw it
[14:32]may click through whatever and then eventually hopefully,
[14:36]you know, it influences their behavior
[14:38]and their, you know, knowledge base
[14:40]about the importance of it.
[14:42]Yeah, it is.
[14:43]It's quite right normalizing it.
[14:44]It's about, you know, no silence,
[14:47]no shame, no stigma.
[14:48]This is not something that we need to feel shame about.
[14:52]This is something that it's, it's just life saving.
[14:55]And you don't know whose life you'll be saving
[14:59]by sharing your story.
[15:00]There's a lot of people in the breast cancer community who understandably are quite
[15:04]or about it.
[15:05]They're not writing a memoir and screaming from the rooftops, but that's okay.
[15:09]As long as they're doing what they have to do to protect themselves.
[15:11]I'm happy to be front-facing and say, look, here's what happens to me.
[15:15]I want you to know, and I want you to share it with someone else so that maybe they have
[15:21]a chance to avoid that.
[15:23]It's incredible.
[15:24]I mean, what are the stats right now?
[15:26]It's one in seven women, I think.
[15:27]Or one in eight?
[15:28]One in eight?
[15:29]It's still one in eight that hasn't changed.
[15:30]The survival rates are up, which is great, but we also know that younger and younger
[15:35]young people are getting cancers of all times.
[15:38]Why?
[15:39]That's a whole separate conversation.
[15:40]Yes.
[15:41]But again, it's about, don't bury your head in the sand.
[15:45]It's okay to laugh about it.
[15:47]Let's have a good time.
[15:48]But let's do what we have to do.
[15:49]Yeah.
[15:50]Amen.
[15:51]Across the board in life, truth generally speaking.
[15:56]I think it would be a good time to actually hear from your book, because people are
[16:00]hearing about it, but to actually hear the reading and hear you read it, I think would
[16:05]be really powerful.
[16:06]I will do that.
[16:08]I will wear my reading glasses, and I will normalize my reading glasses.
[16:13]I will not be ashamed of those glasses, because I'm a bit angry that I have to read
[16:18]glasses, but I'm also happy that I've made it to an eight hour.
[16:21]Exactly.
[16:22]Yeah, because I want to say one more thing.
[16:25]You know, my mom, as I said, died in her forties as to her mom.
[16:29]And I come from all four of my grandparents were Holocaust survivors, and we don't know
[16:35]what happened to the generation before that.
[16:37]But we did the math and figured out that I'm the first woman on my mom's side to
[16:42]have reached the age of 50 in four generations.
[16:45]And so I will wear these reading glasses.
[16:48]I will.
[16:49]You're crying.
[16:50]You're crying.
[16:52]Please turn around and face the other way.
[16:55]No one wants to see this.
[16:57]Okay.
[16:58]Wow.
[16:59]So, listen.
[17:00]I've got a lot of favorite excerpts from my book, but I'd like to read to you from the moment
[17:06]that I met with my oncologist, which was annoying because I thought I wouldn't need
[17:10]my oncologist because I did lots of things to avoid ever having to have my oncologist.
[17:17]I was sort of trying to negotiate with her, negotiate my way out of chemo.
[17:21]I said, look, you already took my breast tissue off.
[17:23]Hello.
[17:24]Join us.
[17:26]I already took my breast tissue off.
[17:28]You got it out.
[17:29]Why do I have to do the chemo?
[17:31]And, you know, she was just taking lots of extra precautions.
[17:37]So here we are in that scene in her office and my husband fell who loves data and was
[17:45]not interested in me skipping the chemo, is next to me.
[17:49]So what if I skip the chemo?
[17:50]I caught Phil's pleading luck out of the corner of my eye.
[17:54]She said, you could walk out of my office right now, never come back, and in all likelihood,
[18:00]you'd be fine.
[18:02]My temptation to flee was visceral.
[18:04]She continued, but I don't recommend it.
[18:07]Gui, Phil Warren, he knew I was considering my options, but as he saw it, there was only
[18:12]one.
[18:13]Anything necessary to ensure my survival.
[18:16]OK, but is there anything that won't make me lose my hair?
[18:20]Phil let out a sharp, breath of belief.
[18:23]Unfortunately, ACT has a 100% rate of hair loss.
[18:26]I'm so sorry, she said, as I grimaced.
[18:29]It's a major inconvenience, I know.
[18:31]Getting stuck in bumper to bumper traffic while finishing the last sips of a 24 ounce
[18:35]eyes coffee was inconvenient.
[18:37]Several alternative words came to mind, as she listed some of the common side effects
[18:41]of my treatment.
[18:43]Hair loss, all hair.
[18:45]Yes, there too.
[18:48]Mouth sores, no menstruation, neuropathy, a numbness in the hands and feet, so I'd have
[18:54]the fine motor skills of a toddler.
[18:56]A green, huge complexion, useful if I decided to audition for the role of alpha by
[19:01]a wicked.
[19:02]I recommend you buy a wig before you start treatment.
[19:05]She said, scribbling something on a prescription pad, a fancy one, a fancy one.
[19:11]I saw myself pushing a grocery cart through stop and shop with a Marie Antoinette style wig
[19:16]for a student with satin bows towering above the produce displays while I yelled something
[19:20]about cake.
[19:21]What she meant though was that I treat myself to a good quality, natural looking wig.
[19:26]She tore the prescription from the pad and handed it to me.
[19:29]Cranial prosthesis, it said in all caps, they made you want to laugh and cry at the same
[19:34]time.
[19:37]The reason I wanted to read this aside from one of my favorite images being the Marie
[19:42]Antoinette.
[19:43]What she said, fancy wig, that's how my brain works, my brain was like, I'm going to protect
[19:47]you from this horrible news by immediately putting you in the most mundane of circumstances
[19:52]in the stupidest looking outfit, but it's also because these subtitle and other inconveniences,
[19:58]which we won't remember about a hundred until we can.
[20:00]out with. Ultimately was born of her saying, I know it's a major inconvenience. And
[20:06]when my editor suggested that my editor connected those two words, because obviously it's
[20:11]a little more than that. Right. As you said, a life-changer, a life-changer. And the
[20:18]word inconvenience is, of course, funny because we all know that cancer is more, a lot
[20:23]more than it could be. Thank you for listening to me. Now I want to go a little deeper,
[20:31]like from that moment that you're talking about, you know, losing hair and your body
[20:38]changing. So tell us, did you have sort of body image concerns through your experience
[20:46]with cancer in your marriage, looking in the mirror from all of the changes that you went
[20:51]through? Yeah. And that's a very important question to ask. And again, I've read,
[20:57]normalize it. And I highly recommend everybody reads it as well because you do address,
[21:02]you know, things like that women are by anyone in our bodies. But, you know, really women
[21:07]and when you're going through something like this, even deciding to have that surgery
[21:12]was a big enough deal. You know, everything was going to change in some ways good. I've
[21:16]given birth to four kids. Now they were taking my stomach fat and muscle and using them
[21:20]to make boobs. So like, hooray, flat stomach, awesome. But also, you know, you get used
[21:25]to looking at your body in the mirror and then it looks different. And you know, the decision
[21:30]was mine. It came from a place of agency and empowerment, originally, but it's still altered.
[21:38]And then on top of that, now going through chemotherapy. And then not long after I had my
[21:44]ovaries removed, also preventatively, which thank God those came back clear. You know,
[21:50]there's a lot of, a lot of changes happening. Of course, the chemotherapy needs me lose
[21:55]my hair. And so when I originally went into it, my body image issues were, they weren't.
[22:01]I was only concerned with getting rid of this looming cancer shaped cloud that was over
[22:06]my head. I really didn't care. I remember my plastic surgeon. He was so cute. He kept
[22:10]saying, he was like, his nice old experience man. And he kept saying, you're going to
[22:14]have a pretty spirit stomach. So I was like, that's an outdated reference. Also, she just wasn't,
[22:21]she was like 2008. She wasn't hot at the time. And I didn't want to correct her not. I knew
[22:25]what he meant. I was like, if you need Christina Aguilera. Whatever. You know, he did mention
[22:30]like, he did. But like, I have a hip to hip scar. So that's not hot. But what it is is, you know,
[22:38]I do find it empowering. And it's hard to be alive. It's very hot to be alive. It's true.
[22:45]I do speak to women who when, when considering whether or not to have this type of surgery,
[22:51]you do have body image concerns and they are worried about how the bodies will be altered.
[22:55]I have to tell you that for me, I think I write in the book at one point. I'm filling in a
[22:59]pre-surgical intake form. And it's asking, what, what size cup do you hope to come out of
[23:05]this with? And I wrote something like, you know, I don't care if you replaced my boobs with like,
[23:10]you know, a steak and a rolled up sock. Like, I genuinely don't care just because I'm off of me.
[23:16]So I've never cared. And I'm very blessed to be married to a man who also prioritize me
[23:22]the hotness of being alive. Yes, title my next month. Oh, it's show day. Yes, I will over, you know,
[23:30]anything else. And ultimately, these are, these are the choices we make. And so for me,
[23:37]it wasn't, but I do speak to women who, who do struggle with that. And I think it's important,
[23:41]you know, your professional psychologist and people should speak to someone like you to make
[23:48]sure that they, you know, work those, those issues because they're very real. Yeah. It just
[23:53]weren't for me. Well, so when you look in the mirror, you're, you're good. I mean, who is?
[23:59]Well, but, you know, we're like, but I just mean, you know, it's, it is, well, for me, it was a grief
[24:06]to lose my rest because I did love them. And I identified with them and like, you know, it was just
[24:11]like, yes, this will help me live, hopefully longer. But I also grieved. And so, you know, even just
[24:21]that, like, you can be happy. I liked the way they look now, but it was still, you know,
[24:27]yes, getting rid of something that was there previously is just a lot to process.
[24:32]Honestly, yeah. And we shouldn't feel embarrassed to say, um, you know, oh, well, if they're not
[24:38]that important because I'm saving my life, right? It's something that you should acknowledge and
[24:44]pay attention to. I think our perspectives are different though because I had lost my mom so young
[24:49]and because I barely knew my grandmother was three months old when she died. I think the perspective
[24:54]is different. Yes. And that's all it comes down to, you know, everyone's experience will shape
[24:59]their...
[25:00]experience with what you're describing, so what you're describing is actually more common
[25:05]than what I went through. It's valid. And for my own experience, I just know that in the triage
[25:15]of what we care about that became less important. So when I look at the mirror now, the
[25:23]scars have faded some up, but they'll always be there. And to me, they're a reminder of something
[25:29]that ultimately went well and could have gone very horribly right? Very, very not well. You know,
[25:34]what I would I would I love some tweet over the years have has gravity still done its work?
[25:40]Guess what? The Britney Spears stomach didn't last very long. Guess what? If people cost that midnight.
[25:46]It's too little Britney Spears stomach. And I don't care. No. I get it. It's great.
[25:55]You don't look potatoes. Look your place. I ate all my pasta. She's like, do you want to potatoes?
[25:59]No. I didn't even use a fork. Right? Yeah, I'm going to do.
[26:05]How are you? I'm going to do the carbs. All right. Can we keep talking or how are we keeping us on time
[26:10]over here? I think we probably have done for one more question. Okay. And then we might
[26:15]we might take some audience questions. Great. And then we can. Well, I don't know if you feel you
[26:20]already, you know, answered this, but what do you want people here to take away to know about
[26:28]breast cancer? Like when they leave here, you know, are there things you're hoping that they'll
[26:34]understand differently than they did prior? Yeah, I want there to be a feeling of empowerment
[26:42]and of hope and of positivity. And it's not toxic positivity. It's not, oh, this is fine. Everything's fine.
[26:50]It's a sense of we control what we can and the things that we can't we just keep showing up,
[26:57]you know, day by day and minute by minute and doing the best that we can do. But when it comes to
[27:02]breast cancer, it is one of the most researched cancers out there. It impacts so many women and
[27:09]not just the ones who have it, but families, communities. You know, the reason I keep this pink streak
[27:14]in my hair and again, sometimes I'm like, oh, I'll just get rid of it. And then inevitably, I'll
[27:19]have an interaction with someone. I'm going through the airport and somebody, the TSA agent's like,
[27:23]oh, I like your pink hair. I'm like, let me tell you why it's there. Why are you going to be
[27:30]like, feel it on the first? That's just that. But there's not been a single time that I have not
[27:35]responded to someone saying that they like that, where they haven't said, oh, you know, my mother,
[27:41]my grandmother, my sister, my aunt, me. Yes, it impacts so many people beyond the one and eight.
[27:47]It's not just the one and eight. I don't know a single person that hasn't been in some way
[27:51]impacted or touched by breast cancer. So I want people to feel, first of all, you know, not alone,
[27:56]like part of a bigger community and empowered to take action the same way we check our eyes,
[28:02]we check our teeth, we check our cars, we check our houses, we check everything, check a rest.
[28:08]And if something comes up the same way we would address anything else in our lives. Yes,
[28:13]that requires some kind of professional intervention. We do not too. That's what I want people to know.
[28:21]Amazing. And to approach adversity with humor. It just helps. Well, then you have to come
[28:27]along in our all of our lives to sit on our shoulders and bring it. Yeah, I have no,
[28:34]my expertise is I'm like, I just bring, I bring the jazz hands. You really do. I'm a laughter
[28:40]thing. And you know, I have, you know, when friends are going through something,
[28:43]I will never, I will never say to them or I just learn not to say, oh, you'll be fine.
[28:50]But don't worry. We're, you know, tell them a story about this family member who is fine.
[28:54]I let them rage and like this has taught me how to show up for other people going through
[28:58]difficult things. I let them rage and vent and say, maybe some like truly horrible things.
[29:04]But then I make a really inappropriate joke.
[29:08]And how it helps. But there's relief. Even if it's generally for like 10 seconds,
[29:15]that's 10 seconds that you weren't feeling that pain. It's so true. It's why I married a comedian.
[29:21]Yes. I mean, yes, she did. I met him. I recognize him and his name.
[29:27]So hello. Are you here for books?
[29:31]Come on in. You're just, you're just playing time for question. Time for the Q&A.
[29:42]Right. So that concludes the offer talk portion of our talk.
[29:50]Yes. Good job. Hi YouTube. Does anyone have any questions about the content of the book? The
[29:58]book itself. They're writing.
[30:00]process, anything? Anything? Any questions? Yes. First off, thank you guys so much for being here
[30:06]and for the amazing conversation. I was curious if there's any organizations within the
[30:11]breast cancer community that you partnered with or that you promoted or that you have found to
[30:15]be a really great partner. It's so cool to hear about your first month and that's really
[30:21]awesome. I'm curious if there's any communities or partnerships that you've had that.
[30:24]It's organizations I do love. Thank you for asking that. That's a great question because I actually
[30:28]end my book. The final chapter takes place at an annual benefit for this great organization
[30:34]called Shar Shar at, which is the Hebrew Work for Chain or Link. I've been involved with them for
[30:40]over a quarter of a century and they do tremendous work in supporting young women in the fight
[30:46]against breast and ovarian cancer. They offer resources, education. Their core program is a link
[30:55]program where they try to, you know, if you show up as a 35-year-old single person who's just been
[31:04]diagnosed, they're going to put you in touch with somebody who has already made it out the other
[31:08]side, similar to that. They're not going to put you in touch with, you know, a 42-year-old
[31:14]mom of five because you won't have the same like experience. So Shar Shar is a good one.
[31:20]I am, you know, I think in terms of education, there's breastcancer.org, which does very important
[31:26]work. I think J-screen is great because they're not only breast cancer but they do a huge part of what
[31:37]they do is information about genetic testing and genetic counseling. Can you think of any other
[31:45]organizations? There's so many good ones. If you go to my website, GuilaFaffer.com,
[31:51]there is a page of resources that will list a bunch of other organizations, which for whatever
[31:58]reason are just not popping into my head right now. But the one that is nearest nature is to my
[32:02]heart of Shar Shar is they get around for so long and they have grown and grown and grown
[32:06]they're a national organization. They just have whatever your needs are, they're going to happen.
[32:12]Aren't they up or down the street here? They opened a branch on the west coast. They've
[32:21]got one in Miami, one in Chicago, like they started from someone's living room in New Jersey.
[32:28]Wow. Over 25 years ago. And so they are huge now. And as far as feel it on the first
[32:34]goes, I promise you when you leave here today, you will see boobs everywhere. And that's how
[32:39]I know that I did a good job. You're going to be sort of like, oh, damn, Guila.
[32:45]I've never realized until after reading that. There are boobs everywhere. Everything here.
[32:54]There's a lot of symmetry happening. You'll see it.
[32:59]Okay. So that was a great question. Thank you. There are no bad questions. So does anyone have any
[33:03]any other? Yes. So I'm going through the medical world that I am wondering because you do do the
[33:09]feel it on the first thing. And women are consistently getting so much conflicting advice in terms
[33:15]of screening, in terms of breast topic, dance, in terms of what type of screening and dance,
[33:20]breast, and not dance, like how do you cut through the noise and what do you tell them?
[33:28]I think it sounds like I've got an answer, but I want to give Jessica a minute to like,
[33:36]do you ever encounter questions from people who want to know what are some reliable
[33:41]sources for information when it comes to breast cancer? I mean, the truth is because my whole
[33:47]world has been miscarriage focused. Once I was diagnosed, I did not take on breast cancer as like
[33:54]my new focus. So no, it's all you. You don't want to have a lot of things. I'm away. Let me tell you.
[34:00]I'm out of here. What have you a bagel? Give me two bagels actually. Totally. See? That's perfect.
[34:08]So I often, you're right. Especially with social media, there's a lot of misinformation out there.
[34:15]There's a lot of like sort of apple cider vinegar-y type people who are giving out some quite
[34:21]dangerous information. So some obviously speak to your doctor, first and foremost, a medical
[34:26]professional who can cut through that noise. Great resources online, and I say online in terms of
[34:34]social media, but they also have websites. There's somebody named Dr. Eleanor Tofinski.
[34:40]She's got a book coming out next year called Beyond the Pink, and she shows up religiously every
[34:46]responding to items in the news, you know, sensationalist headlines, and not only
[34:53]responsive and says, look, here's here's what this study is about. Here's why this is safe. Here's why
[34:59]this isn't.
[35:00]But she's quite active in the end, you know, people can often ask her, she's a friend of mine and she'll tell me, somebody asked me a specific question about their own cancer.
[35:10]Well, she's not their doctor, she's happy to share her expertise.
[35:14]And at a time when you've got some, you know, shisters on TikTok saying that mammograms are dangerous and there's too much radiation.
[35:24]And, you know, it's not true. And people like Dr. Jukwinski or someone named Dr. Robert Rock of the Baby Docs.
[35:31]Shresher, it's also a great resource for all of that.
[35:35]It's really important to listen to these people when they tell you, this is right, this is wrong.
[35:43]Just because you read something that sounds amazing in the headlines.
[35:47]Like, you know, we can avoid breast cancer by drinking castor oil or whatever it is.
[35:52]It's very tempting to believe that.
[35:54]But at the end of the day, even when it comes to mammograms, the correct medical thinking of the conventionalism is still, they are an important diagnostic tool.
[36:06]Early detection is still the most powerful tool we have in survival rates and in detecting cancer.
[36:12]And that's really where the information should come from.
[36:17]And something sounds too good to be true. It's important to do some digging from reliable resources to find out if it is, in fact, to get to be true.
[36:26]Even in terms of the age that a mammogram should happen.
[36:29]In America, it flip-flops from 40 to 50 to 40 to 50. In my case, I had one at 30.
[36:36]It's about finding out what's the baseline.
[36:40]What based on your own family history and risk profile is appropriate for you and these are decisions you make with your doctor.
[36:46]I wouldn't just go putting in a hashtag and seeing what comes up.
[36:50]Don't recommend.
[36:51]I can't remember though, did you have to beg for yours?
[36:54]I did. Yeah.
[36:55]I had to demand.
[36:56]Right.
[36:57]I demanded a mammogram at 30.
[36:59]My doctor had sent me for one and I went to book it and the receptionist said,
[37:04]oh no, we don't do those till 40. You don't need more authority.
[37:07]And I was like, actually, I'll be dead if I wait till 40.
[37:11]And she bought me the mammogram.
[37:13]But, you know, it is about how many women do I know who their stories are.
[37:19]They're 28. They got a diagnosis and they were turned away from the doctor saying,
[37:22]oh, you're too young. Don't worry about it.
[37:25]It might be comforting to hear that you don't have to worry about it.
[37:29]But instead of saying you're too young, don't worry.
[37:32]The answer should be, let's check it out.
[37:34]Exactly.
[37:35]Let's assume you're fine, but let's just make sure.
[37:38]I know. I have a lot of residual feelings.
[37:41]I remember at my mammogram, the radiologist said, you know,
[37:46]I'm sure this is nothing, but let's do a biopsy anyway.
[37:49]Right.
[37:50]And I will always remember that because it's like, why are you saying you're sure
[37:53]when you're not sure else I wouldn't be having a biopsy.
[37:56]And, you know, this many years later, I went through, I mean, I don't know,
[38:02]20 hours of surgeries.
[38:04]But the key there to me what I'm hearing is the, let's check it out anyway.
[38:09]Exactly.
[38:10]The danger is when it's, oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
[38:13]How many times do you go to the airport?
[38:15]How many times do you check your passports there on the way of the airport?
[38:18]10, a million.
[38:20]You know, nobody says, I wonder if my passport's there.
[38:23]Eh, I'm sure it is. Everyone checks.
[38:26]One time I asked my Uber driver to pull over.
[38:29]I went to the back of the trunk.
[38:31]You had some important papers that he had to have me.
[38:33]I mean, they were there for the trunk.
[38:35]Oh, oh, my suitcase, dig through it.
[38:37]We check.
[38:38]We check.
[38:39]We make, we like to comfort ourselves with best case scenarios,
[38:42]but you have to marry that up with checking.
[38:45]Yes.
[38:46]Yeah.
[38:47]Well, I'm pushing, I guess, right?
[38:49]Yes.
[38:50]People have a clean mammogram, but they feel something.
[38:53]Yes.
[38:54]Yeah.
[38:55]Don't stop to you feel satisfied with your comfort level that everything is fine.
[39:00]Absolutely.
[39:01]They wanted to schedule my biopsy for a month from that day.
[39:05]And I was like, I'm, I'm coming in tomorrow.
[39:07]I just basically told them that they needed to.
[39:10]Because the mental health effect is very important too.
[39:13]Yes.
[39:14]Exactly.
[39:15]So sick worrying and waiting.
[39:16]Yeah.
[39:17]Yep.
[39:18]Yeah.
[39:19]And thank you for mentioning the issues of bracka and genetic issues.
[39:26]You know, all of us that are Jewish have, you know, we have some things in the family,
[39:31]just like people have been in various groups.
[39:34]And I, you know, I heard actually I never showed you what.
[39:36]But I knew about Angelina Jolie, third of three bikers.
[39:40]My mom died of colony cancer.
[39:42]Came from half my family's Jewish.
[39:44]There were all these things I knew about that was studying.
[39:46]And then I went to do my dissertation decided to do mastectomy areas,
[39:51]because I've been studying long term cancer.
[39:53]And one thing that hasn't come up and I'm not trying to hijack this or anything,
[39:57]or be critical.
[39:58]I just wondered what was intentional.
[40:00]No, I haven't read your book yet. I'm interested to read. I don't want to do is women that don't want
[40:06]reconstruction because we're talking about everywhere in their rooms and we're all going to think
[40:10]about it. Yeah. But that's a huge thing now and I was for sure way by that and I just want to
[40:16]wait by the fact that no large like now it's more women. I don't want this and I don't want to have
[40:22]do it for surgery. I don't want to do it. And I think in terms of you know our acceptance
[40:30]by heroes of our body positivity. And yet my participants had to deal with everywhere they went.
[40:37]A lot of criticism and a lot of that criticism came also from the medical community and I'm not
[40:44]a misinformation for your adult. But it's more the problem of information that not only women
[40:50]or about themselves and they have the reconstruction. So I'm just curious if you know if you
[40:55]that you will do to any of that in your writing or anything that you ran into about those
[41:00]types of conversations. So yeah there is a large community. I think they call it going flat. There's a
[41:08]large going flat community. Yeah. I considered it. Yeah. And I think at the time I was so young,
[41:15]I was 334 a mom of four young kids. I don't even know any 10 years. It didn't occur to me to go
[41:21]flat. But again you know I did have some stomach fat to donate to the cause. So it's not like
[41:28]it was fine. I do think that part of the empowerment is the ability to go flat. I know two women
[41:34]who had their implants removed and went flat you know retroactively. And it's absolutely an option.
[41:44]It's a viable option. Some women go half flat. I've got Jennifer here who I met for the first time
[41:50]today but we DM on Instagram and she's going to share a bit about like I'm going to let somebody
[41:56]who's experienced the answer your question. Yes. I have had only a single in that way so I don't
[42:02]have one left. But just the everything the research that I had done and everyone I've spoken to
[42:10]had told me that it was really painful. And it's very going through relationships very
[42:15]painful and I just did not want to put myself through that. I saw no need for it. And it was just
[42:25]another surgery that I didn't need to have. And my they if I felt there was an issue there are
[42:34]prosthetics that you know there's so many other ways to go about it without having to go under the
[42:41]needle. And I'm a big baby as it is. So the options are happy surgery again but there's no brainer
[42:48]which is not at all. There you go. So there's a memoir by Katherine Guthrie called flat.
[42:55]I had you read it because I have to read it. I'm going to know this one for my dissertation.
[42:58]Yeah, no, it's very good. I mean it's just a very interesting thing that people are not aware
[43:04]that there's such a now such a community. And I literally had two participants that I interviewed
[43:11]that and this was again another thing that shocked me. So don't say if your doctor's a woman
[43:18]then you don't have any problems that really manipulate language about the choice again. So
[43:24]it's like where's the choice as a woman can be chosen when you're telling you there's
[43:28]gonna be something wrong with. Like one of my participants her doctor and she was looking at going
[43:34]flat and her doctor said well aren't you going on vacation this year how you didn't feel about
[43:39]anything? So maybe get a new doctor. Well, but here's the thing too because I know my mother
[43:46]you know had cancer twice in colon cancer. Then often people trust the doctor on the face of
[43:53]the other things right because her doctor is an excellent doctor in other ways. Exactly. It shows a
[43:57]lack of training for doctors in the psychology of it. Yes. Well, it's communication because that's
[44:04]why you speak to the patient and what do you say and the impact of that? Because on the face
[44:11]of that comment this woman felt like it's maybe I shouldn't. I wish you have the reconstruction
[44:19]and you know that's the kind of thing is that again with body positivity means that as a woman
[44:25]I mean you're already going to have to cancer right you already have to have this sort of
[44:30]joy so a lot of people don't understand well it's not going to recreate sensation and you're not
[44:34]going to be able to rest being because you had reconstruction. So sorry I read that. Unfortunately
[44:39]I didn't read a lot but yeah it's got three is a great example and just you know just a
[44:44]critical interest in the topic to you know investigate another level of things that women can't
[44:51]you know and it is empowering also to have a choice. Yeah. So that was going to say the words
[44:56]empowerment agency.
[45:00]ideally women would go, you know, everyone's in a different frame of mind. I went in with a lot
[45:04]of information. Someone who's blindsided by diagnosis might not be thinking straight or clearly
[45:10]perhaps have someone advocating with you and for you in a long side. There's a lot of,
[45:15]a lot of, you know, ways to bolster yourself and support yourself. But going flat is
[45:21]absolutely a valid choice. I think it's a great choice. It's a much more low maintenance choice.
[45:25]I personally think it's very empowering and I want to say that the book I mentioned earlier
[45:29]by Dr. Eleanor to Plinski, beyond the pink, which is coming out next year,
[45:34]I read manuscript. We'll address this. It's such a thorough, it's like the breast cancer
[45:39]Bible I'm calling it. She examines the patient experience from every which way and I think that
[45:48]you'll get a lot out of it. And I do think that it sounds like the tide is slowly starting to turn
[45:53]and both patients and the medical community are starting to understand that. We're not just here
[45:58]trying to cure or search and destroy. There's a holistic approach. There's a life to be lived.
[46:04]There's a psychological aspect to, for sure. Sure. I think if there aren't any more questions,
[46:12]I think we are at the portion of the evening where in case anybody wants to have a book.
[46:18]Bye book. Sign the book. Say hi. Tell me your story. Give me a hug. Meet me my new little boo-boo.
[46:23]I want to meet your new little boo-boo. She's right. Are there any more questions?
[46:31]I don't want to ask one last question. Perhaps last question. Yes. As you know, as an advocate,
[46:36]as a mom of four children, writing, traveling now, I'm just curious, how would you
[46:41]have to interact in that water wall? And also probably it sounds like bouncing social media
[46:46]lessons too. I don't know how much you're invested in, but it sounds like just some extent.
[46:51]I was a lot more when I was trying to get that book deal. I'll tell you that. I'll aim you
[46:55]and I were just talking about this. Thank you for assuming that I'm balancing anything.
[47:02]Well, you're sitting here in your comm. So, you know, I've got four kids in three different
[47:08]times and it's right now. So like, someone's always texting me about something somewhere. I think
[47:13]like anything else in life, you're looking at me asking the question and I'm asking that of
[47:18]everyone else. Yeah. And I think that we make time for what's important. We do our best.
[47:24]Some things slip and fall by the wayside. This, the crux of the story took place in 2008,
[47:31]even though it was sort of running up to, it was a run up with my parents. But I talked about
[47:36]writing this book for like 10 years before I actually started the long process of figuring out
[47:41]what that meant, what that looked like. So I don't think there's a secret other than just to
[47:45]triage and say, what are my priorities? And they may shift every single day. Things have to move
[47:50]around like that. It is a miracle that I did it, but I did it. He sure did. Thank you for doing it.
[47:59]This is a revolutionary book. All right. Thank you for coming to our talk. And thank you,
[48:05]for hosting us. This is a dream. All right. We'll be right here. I love it in here. Isn't it so sweet?
[48:17]It's just very beautiful warm and inviting.